The Land of Earth Muffin

Just a little meme for sh*ts and giggles...

2011-12-29T12:33:00.000-06:00

Stole this from a new-to-me commenter, Jean. Seeing as how Mr. EM is one of my favorite blog subjects, I thought this one would be fun to do. And, yes, I know I've been really absent from my blog lately. I have lots of posts swirling about in my head, but very little time or motivation to organize them into something readable. Maybe I'll work on that in 2012...and maybe not. So, satisfy yourself with this for now...

What are your middle names?
Kaye and Gordon

♥ How long have you been together?
Together for 15 years, married for 13

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met in August of '96 and hung out as friends until October of that same year.

♥ Who asked who out?
There was never really a formal "asking-out". He was invited to a wedding that he felt he needed to attend, but didn't want to attend alone. I volunteered to go with him.

♥ How old are each of you?
I'm a few weeks away from my 40th birthday. He just turned 42.

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most?
My brother. He keeps in touch with his 3 sisters via text message and Facebook, but they all live in Florida and Virginia so we don't see them much at all. He saw one of his sisters last year when he travelled to Florida, but it's been years since we've seen the other two. His family is kind of nuts in a hyper-religious-Republican kind of way and there's all kinds of crazy backstory stuff going on there that Mr. EM would just as soon stay away from. I agree.

♥ Do you have any children together?
Two boys, ages 11 and 6. Mr. EM has a son, age 21, from a previous marriage. He lives in Germany, we don't see much of him at all.

♥ What about pets?
Just a cat at the moment and she is the sweetest, easiest pet either of us has ever had the pleasure of living with. We've had dogs and cats together throughout the years, we're both "pet people". I'm sure we'll get another dog someday, today just isn't that day. I highly doubt tomorrow will be either.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Raising the boys. The issues that I'm willing to let slide are the issues that make him the most tense and vice/versa. I have a more relaxed approach, it's a lot easier for me to ignore their obnoxious behavior and as long as no one is injured during their disagreements I stay out of it. Mr. EM seems to lack the ignoring gene and their minor disagreements drive him right up a wall. On the other hand, I will not tolerate them getting in trouble at school, being lazy about school work and Mr. EM is less rigid in that regard. This imbalance has caused a lot of strife in our relationship over the years.

♥ Did you go to the same school?
No. I was born and raised in a small Illinois town. He was born about 150 miles north of there, but moved around a lot as a kid, ultimately graduating from high school in Florida.

♥ Are you from the same home town?
See above question...

♥ Who is smarter?
I think he is. I always took school very seriously, made good grades, earned a degree. He did none of those things, but I truly think he is the smarter one. I don't know if he'd agree or not, and I'm not willing to find out!

♥ Who is more sensitive?
Me, though I've learned that he is more sensitive than I've given him credit for in the past. Maybe he's becoming more sensitive as he gets older or something. I've seen a much more vulnerable side of him over the last couple of years. I like it. He doesn't. Men.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Usually Thai food, because that's become his favorite in recent years and I'm usually so happy to just get out of the house that I'll go wherever he wants. However, we both love trying new places and will give any restaurant with lots of vegetarian options and good reviews a chance. I do try to steer us away from pizza when we're out without the kids because pizza is usually what we get when the boys are with us.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Orlando, Florida, for his cousin's wedding.

♥ Who has the worse temper?
This used to be a definitive "HIM!" Now, not so much. Age, stress and parenting have brought out a rather ugly part of me and I now find myself flying off the handle on occasion too. His fuse is much, much shorter than mine so he will go from zero to pissed-off in no time flat. I'm more of a stewer. I'll take something and take it and take it for a while before I reach my boiling point and then...watch out. I can also say, though, that we are both trying to watch our tempers better and sometimes we even succeed.

♥ Who does the cooking?
I do almost all of the cooking. It used to be more 50/50 when Little M. was a baby and wouldn't tolerate being out of my arms for more than 10 minutes, but now it's pretty much all me. I don't mind it. I've even come to enjoy it most of the time and I really like seeking out new, healthy recipes that we'll enjoy. He does all the clean-up, so I can't complain for sure!

♥ Who is more social?
This is an odd dynamic in our relationship...one that bugs me just a little. I am by far the more social of the two, but he is the one with the more active social life. My friends are spread out all over the state and the only good friend I have that lives in my town works completely opposite hours from me, so I have very few opportunities to socialize. His friends are mostly local and they plan a lot of road trips together, as well as get together for concerts and bonfires every so often. It's frustrating for me sometimes because he craves his alone time and I'm just DYING for some social interactions, but that's just the way it is around here.

♥ Who is the neat-freak?
Me. Always me. Though I have to qualify this by saying that keeping things "neat" and keeping them "clean" are 2 different things. I don't care if there's an inch of dust on the book shelf as long as all the books are put away neatly. I keep my kitchen and bathrooms truly clean, but if it weren't for Mr. EM the rest of the house would be neat but filthy.

♥ Who is more stubborn?
I think we're about even here. We are both pretty flexible people and we work hard to compromise so as not to argue, but when we dig in our heels there is no budging either of us.

♥ Who hogs the bed?
Neither. We sleep very harmoniously.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
Him. Even when he can sleep late he is usually unable. Sometimes this bothers him, but most of the time he's fine with being up early in a quiet house. It's rarely quiet for long, though. Little M. is an early riser too.

♥ Where was your first date?
Technically, the wedding he felt compelled to attend is the first time we went out together. However, we consider our first date to be the following day when we went to a small music festival together.

♥ Who has the bigger family?
He has more siblings, but I have a much larger extended family.

♥ Do you get flowers often?
No. *sigh* Mr. EM is not much of a romantic and he thinks cut flowers are a silly gift because of their short lifespan. On the one hand, I agree, but the feminine side of me wouldn't mind a small bouquet every once in a while.

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas between his mom's and my family. It's the best way to do things so that the grandparents get equal time with our kids, but I miss my family a lot when we're not with them. Holidays at his mom's are very quiet, it's just us and her and her husband. I prefer a more festive occasion.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
Not long at all. After that first date we started hanging out pretty much every night. We said, "I love you," within a month of dating and were talking marriage just a few months after that. We moved in together before we'd been dating a year. When you know, you know!

♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
I do. All of it. The sorting, the pre-treating, the washing, the drying, the folding. The boys put their own laundry away, but I put away all of ours. I am very OCD about laundry and Mr. EM, god love him, just doesn't do it right. It's ok. He does plenty of other household chores around here. I'm cool with handling the laundry.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
He is. I can do everything I want to do on a computer and I have no desire to learn more. He finds technology fascinating and throws himself into learning more about it.

♥ Who drives when you are together?
He does. All the time. He loves to drive. I don't. We're a good team.

Family pictures

2011-11-13T17:28:00.000-06:00

I've wanted to have some family pictures taken for a while, but for a variety of reasons we've never gotten around to it. Those reasons would be:

1. Stepson hasn't been here to visit since 2008. In my opinion, a family picture should include the WHOLE family. Otherwise, what's the point? Mr. EM finally said that we should just have the pictures done and we can always have them done again the next time we see Stepson.

2. Quality photographers are EXPENSIVE, unless you know one personally. We do not have a lot of money to pay for a quality photographer and, until recently, we did not know one personally.

3. What to wear? Where to have these pictures taken? What time of year to do this? Yes, these silly questions boggled my mind. I'm not a fan of those family pictures where everyone is all matchy-matchy and I do not like stiff, posed pictures taken at some place we'd never visit unless it was because someone told us we had to go there in our matchy-matchy clothes to get our pictures taken. Time of year is somewhat of a no-brainer, fall is my favorite season. BUT, fall is so busy...not just for us, but for everyone. Trying to coordinate a time/place/outfit with the weather and schedules of all parties involved? Well, it caused me to just put the whole family picture idea on the back burner to be looked at again at some later date.

Until...

Mr. EM came home one day last fall and said that the secretary where he works takes pictures as a hobby and had offered to do some family portraits for us if we were interested. He took the liberty of telling her we were interested and they set a date and location. We were to meet her that following weekend at a local park. My OCD kicked in big time and I started scouting all of our closets, looking for clothes that looked nice together but weren't all matchy-matchy. I ended up having to buy something new for Little M., but after that we were ready to go.

And then it rained that weekend. All. Weekend. Long. No big deal, we rescheduled for the following weekend.

And then our photographer's aunt died. So, we rescheduled for the following weekend.

And then her camera broke.

Are you kidding me with this shit?

And it was going to cost her $600 to either fix or replace it and she didn't have that kind of money so the project was put on hold indefinitely.

*sigh*

Fast forward to this October...I mentioned the pictures to Mr. EM, he said he'd mention them again to the secretary, and he actually DID in a timely manner! A date was set for the following weekend. I suggested the nature preserve where the boys go to camp every summer, he liked that idea better than the local park she had suggested last year. I checked out our closets in advance and found that no one needed any new clothes. Could it be that this was actually going to happen?

Yes! It did, in fact, happen. She brought her son with her and they both snapped pictures of us in a few different locations for over an hour. The results, minus the fact that Stepson is missing, are beyond what I was hoping for. I'm sharing some of my favorites below...just don't link my parents or MIL to this blog or you'll be ruining part of their holiday gifts.

(Yeah, this was how they were feeling by the time all was said and done.)

So, all in all, Mr. EM and I are very, very pleased. I love that she got some really nice shots that will make great gifts for the grandparents, but more than that I love that she captured our family perfectly. In my opinion, that's what makes a really good photographer and I think it really helped that she knows us personally. Made all the difference in the world with how comfortable the boys (and, truth be told, Mr. EM) were with this whole undertaking.

Here's hoping she'll be willing to tackle us again the next time Stepson comes to visit...

Sure, it's just a meme, but at least I'm posting again!

2011-11-08T08:29:00.000-06:00

It's been a while. Autumn is always a busy time for us, but I've also been going through some "stuff", not feeling the whole blog thing, just wanting to hide away for a bit. I can't say that I'll be posting regularly again, but it does feel good to get back on here. Even though I haven't been posting, I have still been reading blogs and occasionally commenting, which brings me to this meme. I'm indulging Maria by playing her iPod game...

Take out your ipod. Put on random selection.

FIRST song that appears answers the question.

1) Describe your childhood
Alive by Pearl Jam

Why, yes, I was alive during my childhood. As a matter of fact, I'm alive right now. Does that make me forever young?

2) What was your first crush like?

Dead Flowers, covered by Jerry Lee Lewis

Hmmm...that fits my first high school boyfriend better than my first crush.

3) What was high school like for you?

Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin

Aren't all high schools pretty much full of fools?

4) What was college like for you?

Rent, from the original Broadway Cast Recording

College is when I first started paying rent, interesting.

5) Describe your first paying job.

Melt My Heart to Stone by Adele

My first paying job was baby-sitting, so this doesn't really fit, but my first job with a real paycheck and boss and such was at a Dairy Queen. Those hot Illinois summers made keeping the soft serve in that drive-thru frozen a tough job!

6) Describe your current job.

Wishing It Was by Santana, featuring Eagle Eye Cherry

A lot of wishing comes with the territory of my job...wishing parents gave a damn about their kids, wishing these kids would see what they could become of they would try to rise above their circumstances, wishing administration would take over my classroom for just one hour to see just what it is I actually do on a daily basis, wishing the government would realize that it's so much more important to fund education instead of war...

7) Describe your boss or closest co-worker.

Cold Hearted by the Zac Brown Band

This one doesn't fit at all. My boss is scatter-brained and unreliable, but not cold hearted. My co-workers are some of the warmest people I know.

8) What do your siblings think about you?

Sao Paolo by Arrested Development

Wait...why is this still on my iPod? I thought I took this off. Hmm...

9) What do your friends think of you?

House in Motion by Talking Heads

All of my friends are moms. All of our houses are in constant motion.

10) What do you think of your friends?

She Gave Good Sunflower by the Black Crowes

If by "sunflower" you mean time, advice, laughs...then, yes. This fits.

11) Describe your first kiss.

What Comes Around by the Beastie Boys

Interesting...

12)Describe your first sexual experience

Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts by Bob Dylan

I don't even know what to say about this one...I swear, none of those people were there.

13) Describe your first date

When the Night Comes Falling from the Sky by Bob Dylan

Why, yes, I do have a lot of Bob Dylan on my iPod. And my first date was at night.

14) What did you think the first time you met your current love?

Done Somebody Wrong by the Allman Brothers Band

Well, I was already tiring of my current boyfriend when I met Mr. EM. Technically I hadn't done him wrong yet, but I certainly planned to after meeting the man I would eventually marry!

15) What did your partner think the first time he/she saw you?

Waterloo Sunset by the Kinks

Actually, that's incorrect. He's told me that he thought, "Nice legs," the first time he saw me.

16) What do you think of your current love now?

Easy Wind by the Grateful Dead

Most of the time, it is pretty easy.

17) What does your current partner think of you now?

Fruits of My Labor by Lucinda Williams

I think that's pretty accurate. Mr. EM did not fall into the whole domesticated family man routine easily, but now that he's there he's pretty darn happy and glad that he did.

18) What describes your love life now?

Funky Boss by the Beastie Boys

LOL!!! And, that's all I'm going to say about that.

19) What do you look like in the morning?

Doors Unlocked and Open by Death Cab for Cutie

Um...no. Not in this neighborhood.

20) How do you see your life right now?

Dreams by Fleetwood Mac

I used to day-dream that I would have a wonderful husband and some happy, healthy children. Lo and behold, that's what I have. Yay, me!

21) Describe yourself.

Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

Um...well, I'm not a man. I'm not a lion. I'm not little. I think the iPod misunderstood the question.

Ok...your turn. Turn those ipods to shuffle...

Last night I fell for a gay man...hard.

2011-09-14T21:04:00.000-05:00

The last meme I did was an "if you could" kind of thing. I wasn't able to accurately answer one of the questions, #5...If you could have dinner with a celebrity, who would you choose? This wasn't the first time I've been asked that question and I've never been able to definitely answer it.

For starters, I'm so star-struck in general that I'd be honored to sit down to dinner with ANY celebrity. (For the record, I'm talking real celebrities here. Not Jersy Shore-Kardashian-Real Housewives-Etc. kind of non-celebrity celebrities.) If I have the opportunity to eat a meal with Oprah or Brad Pitt or Judi Dench or Jim Carrey or Janet Jackson or Tony Bennett or who-the-hell-ever, I'm tucking in at that table for sure. So what if I have nothing to say to them? It's a cool, never-again kind of experience and I wouldn't pass it up, no matter who it was.

Secondly, I'm the queen of celebrity crushes. Years ago there was a Friends episode where they were talking about their "Top 5" celebrity crushes...well, I'm that girl who can never limit herself to just 5. There are way too many hotties out there on my TV and in the movies for me to limit myself to lusting after just 5. And, honestly, I can't really imagine eating dinner with any of them because I'd be too nervous to eat and I just know I'd say something totally stupid and ruin the night. Not to mention, a fantasty is a wonderful thing because it's a fantasy. I'd hate to learn that Brad Pitt chews with his mouth open or that Rob McElhenny is as horribly obnoxious as his Always Sunny character. Best to leave the hotties in Fantasyland where they'll always be hot and there will never be spinach in their teeth or inappropriate belching at the dinner table.

Well, last night it finally hit me who I'd absolutely LOVE to eat dinner with and I'm a little surprised and disappointed with myself for not coming up with him sooner. Not sure he's a true "celebrity" by definition, but he is well-known. My celebrity dinner date would be Dan Savage, of Savage Love fame.

Mr. EM and I have been reading Savage Love for years now, and we both love it. Dan is funny and smart and he offers his readers advice, acceptance and peace of mind. Of course the salaciousness of his subject matter is what draws you in, but the strength and kindness and guidance of his words is what keeps you coming back. I've always considered myself a pretty open-minded person, but at any given time I can find myself shocked by a question someone has sent in for Dan to answer...like open-mouthed, gasping SHOCKED. But then I read Dan's advice to this person and I no longer feel the shock of the question, instead I feel the uncertainty and fear of the person who asked it. As strange as this sounds, regularly reading a sex advice column has made me a more open-minded person and I have Dan Savage to thank for that. In addition to Savage Love, Dan has also written some great books and he and his partner founded the It Gets Better project. He's just always struck me as an all-around cool guy.

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Dan speak at a nearby college. I almost didn't go. It had been a long, lousy day at work and I had stayed up too late the night before and was feeling pretty tired. However, I'd never had the opportunity to see an author/journalist/columnist-type person speak before and I knew I'd kick myself if I didn't go, especially since it was FREE and only 20 minutes from my house. I chugged a cup of coffee and headed out. I'm so glad I did. In person, Dan is like Savage Love to the Nth degree, and I mean that in a good way. He just leaned on a podium for two hours, taking questions from the audience and answering them in his non-judgmental, intelligent, hilarious way. He also had a lot of incredibly kind and thought-provoking things to say and I could have sat there and listened to him speak well past 9:00 pm. I, a straight and happily-married Midwestern woman, found myself completely smitten with a gay and happily-attached guy from the Pacific Northwest. Not in a "OMG, he's so HAWT" kind of way, but in a "holy crap, I totally love and agree with every single thing he's saying and I never want him to stop talking" kind of way.

So, that's that...if I could have dinner with a celebrity, I'd be all over eating a meal with Dan Savage. I'd try to come up with a really good question to bring to the table, something that would really get him rolling and then I'd just sit back, sip my wine, nibble my food and bask in his words.

Bon Appetit, gentle readers...

"Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding." -Albert Einstein

2011-09-11T20:51:00.000-05:00

It felt strange to let today pass without posting something, but I wasn't sure what. Then this song came on my iPod while we were driving home from MIL's. This song sums up how I feel about this 10th anniversary. The quote in the title sums up how I've been feeling ever since this day in 2001. I hope you spent today with loved ones and felt a sense of hope for yourself, for our country and for the world.

If you could...(swiped from Maria)

2011-08-27T14:04:00.000-05:00

1) live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I really don't know, I haven't done enough travelling to be certain. I do love Chicago, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for true city living. I thought Santa Barbara was heaven when I visited there, but I love changing seasons so I'm not sure California is the place for me either. Memphis and Kansas City are both fun places...but, again, the city-living thing and both of those places have some pretty gnarly crime going on. I'm sure I could adjust to living just about anywhere, I'm more interested in a dream home rather than a dream location.

2) change anything about your body, what would it be?

My skin...I have somewhat sensitive skin and I'm constantly dealing with some minor rash or other. I'm prone to mild psoriasis breakouts, and if the weather is either too humid or too dry I have skin reactions to both. If I even think about poison ivy, I get it. I'd just like to have normal skin, you know?

3) go to your perfect job, what would it be?

I always wanted to be a teacher, and I am one and for a while that was great, but now I'm growing weary of the public school system. Teachers have had to take on so many more roles in their students' lives and, frankly, I'm NOT a nurse or a counselor or a personal chef or shopper, nor do I have any interest in being their parent. I can say that I still like my job, but I no longer love it. If I could switch careers right now (not really a possibility at this time, maybe in 5 years or so?), I'd love to become a lactation consultant. I feel very passionately about the benefits of breastfeeding for both babies and their mamas and I successfully nursed my two children, and worked full-time, until they were past age 1. I think I could really help women in that capacity.

4) change anything about your partner, what would it be?

I wish Mr. EM had more patience. He has a short fuse, can fly off the handle at minor things, and doesn't understand the fine art of ignoring some of the silly things kids do that don't really require discipline but are very annoying. Overall, he is a wonderful partner and a good daddy...but, it would really be nice to not be a referee between him and the kids sometimes.

5) have dinner with a celebrity, who would you choose?

Oh my...I really don't know. I have so many ridiculously immature celebrity crushes, but I can't really imagine sitting down to dinner with Brad Pitt or George Clooney! I really, really, really admire Meryl Streep as an actress, so maybe I could have dinner with her and just let her talk about all of her acting experiences.

6) be invisible for a week, what would you do?

I'd love to visit my boys' classrooms and see first-hand the environment they're in 5 days a week. And, like Maria, I would have a little fun messing with people I'm not fond of...like totally rearranging Macho Man's basement room that he's so stupidly protective of or put liberal bumper stickers on my cousin's asshat husband's car.

7) tell someone the absolute truth what would you say?

I would tell my parents that I was really disappointed at the way they treated Mr. EM when we were first dating and that I'd never felt more alone than when they told me that they wouldn't support me if I decided to marry him. I've forgiven them, but that chapter of my relationship with them is always hanging there in the back my head. I would also call out the Ex on the way she trapped Mr. EM to marry her by lying about being pregnant.

8) have a talent that you don't have now, what would it be?

I really wish I could sing. I'd love nothing more than to be the singer of a really cool rock band.

9) see someone who has died just for an hour, just to talk, who would you want to see?

Only my paternal grandmother lived long enough to know my boys. I'd like my other grandparents to spend that hour with them.

10) be the opposite sex, who would you want to look like?

Brad Pitt

11) take one thing back that you've said to someone, what would it be?

Wow, that's a tough one. I've stuck my foot in my mouth more than my fair share of times and I've hurt people with my words more than I care to admit. I've become much more sensitive over the years, but if I could take it all back, I would. Can't pick just one.

12) pick the time of your death, when would you want it to be?

Like Maria, I'd like to go before I become a burden to either my husband or kids. I'd like to be surrounded by them when I go, telling them I how much I loved them and how great they made my life just before I close my eyes for the last time.

13) pick an actress to play you in the movie of your life, who is closest to what you really look like and could play your personality well?

I honestly can't think of a single actress that I resemble in any way. In college I was sometimes told that I looked like Laurie Metcalf, the woman who played Jackie on Roseanne. I didn't see it, but usually when someone said that, others would agree. I like her and have always enjoyed the characters she's played, so she works for me...though she's a bit older than I am. I don't know...can't I just pick Kate Winslet? I love her.

14) change your name to any other, what would it be?

Irene...it means "peace" in Greek.

There are still good people out there

2011-08-03T09:16:00.000-05:00

I had some car trouble yesterday. It started as I was driving home from some errand-running and I called Mr. EM at work to see how I should proceed. He thought it sounded like a problem with the battery and advised me to get it checked at an auto parts store. I drove there nervously, sure that I was going to break down on the way and thankful that Big M. is now old enough that I can leave the boys at home by themselves for short periods of time so they wouldn't be with me if I did break down in this beastly heat. At the auto parts store, the guy that checked my battery said that it was still good, but he though the alternator was my problem because the battery wasn't getting much of a charge. He advised me to "get it in somewhere fast". I asked him if I should even try to drive it home, as it had almost died just getting it there in the first place. Again, his advice was to "get it somewhere fast". That made me even MORE nervous about driving it, but I took off on my way to our mechanic, calling Mr. EM as I pulled out of the parking lot. I told him what the guy at the auto parts store had said and that I was on my way to the mechanic, if I could make it there. Of course I hit every red light possible as I slowly made my way...and, of course, about 3 red lights from the auto parts store the car died... and, of course, I was the first one in line at the light...and, of course, because it was a battery/alternator problem the hazard lights were only working sporadically. I sat there, waving the cars behind me past, alternately feeling humiliated at causing so many people such inconvenience and irritation that the guy at the auto parts store advised me to leave there when I specifically asked if this would happen. Everyone behind me seemed to catch on pretty quickly that something was not right with my car, even when the hazards weren't working, and patiently drove around me as the light turned green. Until Asshat in his big, fancy truck pulled up and sat right on my bumper while the light was red. My hazards were actually working when he pulled up, but he must not have noticed them because when the light turned green he started honking his horn. I looked back and saw him YELLING at me from behind the wheel, pointing, fist-shaking, yelling...all while his wife and kids sat in the truck with him. I put my arm out the window and waved him past, he sarcastically waved back at me, as if I were being a smart-aleck or something and continued to yell and lay on his horn. Traffic in the lane next to me was flying by, so I wasn't comfortable getting out and talking to him, but I tried to yell out my window that my car had died and he needed to go around. He couldn't hear me because his window was up and he was still YELLING at me and shaking his fist. I felt about 2 inches tall, completely humiliated, and ready to cry, not to mention the 100 degree heat that was doing nothing to help this situation. If his kids hadn't been with him, I would have totally flipped him off and I might have even braved getting out of my car to speak my mind right to his face. He finally got tired of berating me from the comfort of his fancy-truck-air-conditioning and swung around me, speeding off as the yellow light turned red and I continued to sit there, sweating and feeling like an ass for being in the way. Pretty soon a very old, very beat-up white truck pulled up next to me, obviously with no a/c because all the windows were rolled down, and a rather "rough" looking guy called out, "You need a little help?" I explained that my husband was on his way to help me, but that the car had totally died and I couldn't move it. I noticed the two little boys sitting in the truck next to him and thanked him for being the only person that had bothered to slow down and ask if I was ok. He then pulled into a nearby parking lot and got out to help me! Two other guys pulled in and parked next to him and while one of them directed traffic, the other two pushed my car into the lot in a shaded parking spot. Once that was done, they waited there until Mr. EM called and said he was across the street and on his way over. One of them even offered to buy me a bottle of water at the nearby Walgreen's, but I already had some with me. It really was a breath of fresh air to be helped out like that by strangers after Fancy Truck Jerk Face made a such a fuss about having to go around me. It's easy to lose faith in human kindness during our day-to-day dealings with people...everyone's in a hurry, everyone has their own problems on their mind, everyone's looking out for themselves. As much of a pain as it is to be without a car today and to have the expense of a car repair looming over my head, it was very reassuring to see three people who don't know each other and don't know me step up to help me, and every driver on the road behind me, when I was in need.

I've always loved this song by Jack Johnson, wondering where all the good people have gone. Wish I could get in touch with him somehow to let him know that there are still a few out there.

Alphabet Meme, taken from Maria

2011-07-15T10:35:00.000-05:00

I could claim boredom, but there's quite a bit I could be doing if I felt like doing any of it. I'd rather be sitting at the computer doing this...
A. Age

39, I will turn 40 in January. And I'm ok with that. Really. I don't have hang-ups about my age.

B. Bed Size

We have a queen and that's all the bigger we can go in our current bedroom. It's enough space for the 2 of us, so that's fine, but I do enjoy when we stay in hotels and get to sleep in a king!

C. Chore you hate.

Sweeping and mopping the floors. Mr. EM gallantly does that chore most of the time and that is one of the many reasons I love him.

D. Dogs.

*sigh* Our dear Reba, a chow/lab mix, passed away in February at age 16. We have not gotten another dog since and it'll be a while before we do...if we do. Well, I say that, but I'm not sure I mean it. When we left for vacation recently it was so nice not to have to worry about who was going to look after the dog while we were gone. Mr. EM surprised me by saying that he "kind of liked" not having a dog to care for! I don't know...the boys would really love to have a dog again and they are getting old enough to be a new pet's primarey caregivers. We'll have to see. I do know that we'll be very choosy if we do get another one...we have weight limits and no-to-low shedding policy to work around.

E. Essential start of day.

Coffee. Very strong, preferably Sumatran or an Italian roast. At least 3 cups.

F. Favorite color.

Any shade of green, except for mint.

G. Gold or silver.

White gold or silver. I have a few yellow gold pieces and I wear them for dressy occasions. Mostly I'm a silver girl though, and my wedding rings are white gold.

H. Height.

5 feet 10 inches. I'm a tall girl. I come from tall people. I hover about 4 inches over my husband. I have great posture for a tall girl too. It was drilled into my head from a young age to stand up straight and not be self-concious about my height. So, I'm not one of those hunched-up kind of tall girls.

I. Instruments played.

I took piano lessons for 6 years and was a decent player. I mean, I was never going to win a Grammy or anything, but I could read music and, with enough practice, I could tackle just about any age-appropriate piece my teacher put in front of me. Alas, it was that darn practicing that did me in. By the time I got to high school, I lost the drive to practice and never made time for it. I quit after my freshman year. And part of me regrets that.

J. Job title.

Mom. Wife. Friend. Behavior Disorder Teacher. The last one pays the highest actual salary, but the benefits of the first three couldn't be beat!

K. Kids.

Two boys...Big M., 11 years old and starting (gasp!) middle school this fall. Little M., 6 years old and chomping at the bit to be just like his big brother. I also have an almost-21 year old stepson from my husband's first marriage. We haven't see him in 3 years, but he graciously "friended" us on Facebook, so we keep in touch that way. He's "engaged". I put quotations around that word because his "betrothed" is an 18 year old girl he met on the internet and they've been dating for 8 months. "Engaged", indeed.

L. Live.

I live on the banks of the Mississippi River in southern Illinois. On a very clear day, you can sometimes see the Gateway Arch from the park where we got married.

M. Mom's name.

Susan

N. Nickname.

Mr. EM calls me Ma or Sweetie. No one else really has a nickname for me. Well, my students probably do, but I don't want to hear them.

O. Overnight Hospital Stays.

When I was born, when my boys were born and once with Big M. when he had to stay in the croup tent overnight when he was 2.

P. Pet Peeve

Poor spelling and grammar, people who take up a whole aisle in a store with their cart as they stare at the shelf making the obviously difficult decision of which brand of cereal (or whatever) to buy

Q. Quote from a movie.

"If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!" -John Bender (Judd Nelson), the Breakfast Club

R. Right or left handed?

Right

S. Siblings.

Just one brother

T. Time you wake up.

When I'm working, I have to get up at 5:45. During the summer, when Mr. EM is working, I set an alarm for 7:00 in an attempt to have a few minutes of free time before Little M. springs out of bed in a fit of unbridled enthusiasm. On the weekends, I usually get to sleep until my body is good and ready to be awake, which is usually between 8:30 and 9:00 and it is blissful.

U. Underwear.

Plain cotton, a variety of colors, I guess the style is considered the "bikini brief". I have some "sexy" panties too, but only wear them for short periods of time for Mr. EM. I don't know how women walk around wearing that kind of underwear all the time. Way too uncomfortable for me!

V. Vegetable you dislike.

Eggplant, beets, butter beans. I don't like raw celery, but I don't mind it cooked into a soup or something. I don't like just plain peas as a side dish, but will also eat them in a soup or stew or something like that.

W. What makes you run late.
Getting on Facebook when I'm crunched for time.

X. X rays you have had done.

Dental ones once a year. And I had my wrist x-rayed last fall when I sprained it taking off my swimsuit.

Y. Yummy food you make.

I've become a pretty decent cook over the last few years, if I do say so myself. My favorite dinner that I prepare is chili. I'm an excellent baker...I make great banana bread and chocolate zucchini cake.

Z. Zoo animal.

I like to see the giraffes.

Four reasons (good or not) why I am cranky today.

2011-07-13T10:52:00.000-05:00

1. Big M. is in camp this week. Little M. goes next week. It's the same camp they attend every year and they love it. Mr. EM and I love it too. They learn a lot, they have fun, they explore nature, what's not to love? Well, there is one thing not to love...the other parents. Not all of them, just the "desperate housewives" who don't think the rules apply to them.

Every. Single. Summer. it's the same damn thing. They absolutely REFUSE to follow the drop-off instructions on the first day of camp. When you pull into the camp, there is a long driveway that pulls alongside of a lodge on the right. Campers are to meet at the lodge. If you were to continue going past the lodge, you'd drive down a short hill to a parking area. The instructions are VERY clear in the paperwork we receive that if you want to escort your child up to the lodge, you are to park in the designated parking area and walk up to the lodge. Not a single one of these parents does that, oh no. They park their gigantic, swanky SUV's along the drive-way, leaving no room for the rest of us to pull in, and they take their sweet time walking their children up to the lodge. And the thing is, these are 10 and 11 year old kids, most of which have been attending this camp since they were in kindergarten. Do they really need to be escorted up to the lodge, first day of camp or not? Of course, some of these parents are turning in last minute paperwork because the rules don't apply to them so they didn't get it sent in 2 weeks before camp started LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO, and I guess they can't trust their 10-11 year old child to hand the director a few pieces of paper.

They are no better when they finally get back into their gas-guzzling monstrosity to leave. As you pull up to the lodge on the right, you can turn to your left and drive around this big tree to exit the camp. This area was made part of the driveway in order to create a flow of traffic. Well, the desperate housewives (and, please, no offense to normal stay-at-home moms...I'm talking about a very specific breed of parent here) don't want to create a flow of traffic. They want the whole damn world to revolve around them, so they choose to make a 17 point turn right smack in the middle of the drop-off area, all while talking on their cell phones and sipping their coffee. My little Kia was almost hit by an Escalade on Monday morning and Big M. and his friend had to wait an extra five minutes to get up to the lodge because of this whole fiasco.

This happens on the first day of camp every summer, yet it never ceases to amaze me. I complain about it on the camp survey every summer, yet nothing ever changes. And that makes me cranky.

2. I am a True Blood junkie. We don't have HBO. I rented the first season, then someone provided me with a website where I was able to watch the second season. When I tried that website again to watch the third season, I downloaded a nasty virus onto our computer, so Mr. EM "found" the third season for me. But then Charter got mad at him for doing that, sent him a mean little postcard about it, so he doesn't "find" things any more. The fourth season recently started and some dear friends are DVRing it for me to watch at their house. SWEET!!! I was supposed to go over there last night to watch the first 2 episodes, but they emailed me and said their air conditioner had died and they were having a new one installed and would have to reschedule our True Blood date for another night. No one's fault and having no A/C on the hottest day of the year sucks way more than not getting to watch a TV show. It still makes me cranky.

3. Anyone out there have Netflix? Did you get your email from them yesterday about their brilliant idea to separate their plans so you can either have unlimited streaming for a "low" price or you can get unlimited DVD's for a "low" price, but when you lump the 2 together (like you're allowed to do now) it's not such a "low" price any more? In case you didn't see it...

We are separating unlimited DVDs by mail and unlimited streaming into two separate plans to better reflect the costs of each. Now our members have a choice: a streaming only plan, a DVD only plan, or both.

Your current $9.99 a month membership for unlimited streaming and unlimited DVDs will be split into 2 distinct plans:

Plan 1: Unlimited Streaming (no DVDs) for $7.99 a month
Plan 2: Unlimited DVDs, 1 out at-a-time (no streaming) for $7.99 a month

Your price for getting both of these plans will be $15.98 a month ($7.99 + $7.99). You don't need to do anything to continue your memberships for both unlimited streaming and unlimited DVDs.

These prices will start for charges on or after September 1, 2011.

You can easily change or cancel your unlimited streaming plan, unlimited DVD plan, or both, by going to the Plan Change page in Your Account.

We realize you have many choices for home entertainment, and we thank you for your business. As always, if you have questions, please feel free to call us at 1-888-357-1516.

–The Netflix Team

So, in other words...

We've realized that now we have most of the country hooked, so we're going to do our best to suck every cent out of our customers that we can. It's not like you're going to want to change things up now, right? Complain if you care to waste the effort, even drop us if you think that'll make a difference, but it won't. There will always be someone else to take your place.

Thanks for your business (choking on laughter)!
- The Netflix Team

Cranky. Cranky. Cranky.

4. Because of so many snow days this year, school didn't let out until the beginning of June. Which wouldn't be such a big deal, if my district hadn't decided that next year they were going to start a week earlier than usual. My first day to go back was supposed to be August 15th, giving me just over 9 weeks of summer vacation. Ok, fine. So, Mr. EM and I had plans for a short road trip to Kansas City on August 10 to see JJ Grey and Mofro in concert...one last summer hurrah before school starts again. I've been looking forward to it since we planned it back in April. Yesterday I received a letter from my boss saying that I (and several co-workers) have a "mandatory" training to attend August 8-12. This makes me cranky for a variety of reasons:

My summer vacation, the #1 perk of teaching, has been cut short by a week.
I now have to pay for a full week of day-care for my boys, and that's provided I can find someone to do it.
I have to miss the concert. I am really, really, really, irrationally bothered by that. Mofro concerts are one of my very most favorite things to do. I feel like my boss just walked up to me, yanked the tickets out of my hand and tore them up right in front of me.
This training is being conducted by a guy that my boss seems to think walks on water. And he is very good at what he does. However, what he does is not what I do. He is accustomed to working with severely autistic kids in an institutionalized setting. His methods do not translate well to a public school setting. I don't know what he has in store for us with this training, but I have a feeling that I'm going to be muttering, "Bullshit," under my breath a lot that week and wishing I was in Kansas City, shaking my butt to "Orange Blossoms".

Mr. EM is urging me to call my boss and tell her that I already have plans to be out of town during part of this training. Part of me thinks he's right and wants to do that. But another part of me realizes that I'm lucky to have a good job right now and sometimes we have to make sacrifices. We don't have a hotel room reserved yet and we don't have the tickets for the concert yet. It's not like we'll be losing money if we don't go, it's just a big disappointment that now we can't go. I don't know, I guess I can mention these plans to her and see what she says. The worst that can happen is she'll tell me I have to cancel them.

And, yes, I know I'm being a big ole' whiny brat about all of this stuff. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much. I just woke up this morning every bit as cranky as I was when I fell asleep last night and needed to get this junk off my chest. Thanks for being there, ~~captive audience~~ gentle readers.

Trying to socialize with the anti-social

2011-07-05T11:16:00.000-05:00

Mr. EM is not a social person. I've known this about him for as long as I've known him, and I've pretty much come to terms with it. Getting together with a group of people, whether a large or small group, for the sole purpose of chatting and enjoying each other's company for an evening is just not his "thing". And it doesn't matter if it's my friends or his, my family or his. If we are invited to a social gathering of some kind, he is going to do one of two things. Either he's going to choose not to attend, or he's going to attend grudgingly, meaning that he will sit off by himself and periodically check in with me to see when I'm ready to go home.

I used to try to coax/cajole/beg/guilt him into doing things like this with me. I do like to socialize. I enjoy spending time with friends or family, sipping wine, nibbling food and chatting the day/night away. I also enjoy spending time with my husband, so it stands to reason that I would sometimes like for these two things to intertwine. However, most of the time when I would coax/cajole/beg/guilt him into coming along with me, the evening ended poorly. Either I would be irritated with him for sitting silently and monitoring the time all night, or he'd be irritated with me for dragging him along to something he made clear he did not want to do. We would end up bickering on the way home and then giving each other the cold shoulder once we were home...totally not worth it. So, we have come to an unspoken truce on this matter. He picks and chooses which events he attends, therefore taking the heat off me if he ends up not enjoying himself. If he chooses not to attend an event, I make my own decision as to whether or not I go alone.

Of course, there are some non-negotiable family gatherings...holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and Mother's Day. He knows that only a true, visible illness will get him out of attending such events and he's made his peace with it. He also understands that family weddings and funerals are inescapable duties in his husband-job-description. He goes, he smiles, he keeps the pulling-out-cell-phone-to-check-time to a minimum. Sometimes even he will admit that he has something resembling a good time. Not often, usually he's relieved when we're in the car on our way home, but sometimes he surprises himself by engaging in conversation with someone and finding that he actually enjoyed it.

Pretty much any other event, family or friend initiated, is up for grabs, though. My family gets together A LOT. They all like each other, they like spending time together, they celebrate everything. We also have friends who like to gather for dinner, drinks, parties, etc. Any time we get an invitation, formal or not, I know he's going to respond in one of two ways. He will either say, "So, are you going?" or he will say, "I guess maybe we could go to that." And that's that...no discussion, no coaxing/cajoling/begging/guilting. His decision has been made and it's up to me to make mine.

Most of the time this is fine with me. I don't love making excuses with my family as to why he's not there, and sometimes I do wonder what they think of the fact that I fly solo (with our kids, mind you) to these events so frequently. Since my family is so social, they have a hard time understanding "he just didn't feel like coming" as a reason, and some of them would even take it personally, like he doesn't like them or something. Our friends are a different story, I'll be totally direct with them. "Why isn't Mr. EM here?" "He didn't want to come. He's lame." They nod, laugh, and then tease him the next time they see him. In fact, it's become a bit of a running joke in our circle of friends...people will joke that they must be at the party of the century if Mr. EM decided to show up.

But there are times when I wish he wasn't so anti-social, times when I know he would have fun if he would just come out and make the effort to enjoy himself, times when I really would like for my social life and my married life to mingle for a few hours. Yesterday was one of those times.

Every year, my aunt and uncle on my dad's side have a fish fry/pool party around the 4th of July. Mr. EM almost never attends, and that's fine with me. The couple of times he has attended he's behaved like an ass...complains about the hot weather, refuses to get in the pool, yells at the kids because they don't want to leave when he's ready. It's just easier for all of us if he stays home, so he does and this year was no exception. The party was on the 3rd, the boys and I went, he stayed home. All was right with the world.

Yesterday, however, was different. My aunt and uncle on my mom's side invited us to their house for an impromptu gathering of just them, us and my parents and brother. They live in a very swanky neighborhood and have an amazing house with a beautiful pool/hot tub. There's always tons of good food and craft beers at their parties. They are very cool people and Mr. EM likes them a lot. So, when I mentioned on Saturday that they'd invited us over for Monday and he said, "Hmm...I've never seen their pool. I bet it's nice," I thought that meant he'd be joining us. Especially since he was already blowing off the fish fry/pool party on Sunday. Instead, when I woke up Monday morning, the first thing he said to me was, "So, what time are you guys leaving today?" And for the first time in a long time, I felt hurt that he was blowing off a family gathering. I didn't try to coax/cajole/beg/guilt him into going, I just told him what time the boys and I were leaving and left it at that. However, I also didn't say much to him the rest of the time we were home. I tried not to make it too obvious, I tried to just keep busy with some household chores so it wouldn't seem like I was deliberately not speaking to him. My charade worked for a little while, but eventually he caught on that all was not right in Earth Muffin's head.

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you in a bad mood today?"

"No."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

Yes, I know, it's not right to lie to your spouse. However, in my defense, I knew where the truth would lead...if I told him why I was upset, he would have either stood his ground and refused to attend, which would have made me more upset, or he would have come along but acted like he was at a funeral all day, which would also have made me more upset. So, I lied in an act of self-preservation. I know that you married folks know how this goes.

So, I got the boys and myself ready to go and we headed out the door. Suddenly, Mr. EM was Mr. Helpful. Walking us out to the car, getting Little M. strapped into his booster seat, putting the swim bag in the trunk, asking me if I had everything and instructing me to drive safely because there would be a lot of holiday traffic.

"Are you sure you're not mad about something?"

"I'm not mad."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You've been so quiet all morning."

"I know."

I guess he figured out that he was getting nowhere fast with his questions, so he asked me to text him when I arrived and when I left and went back in the house. I stewed all the way to their house and popped open a beer as soon as I arrived, texting him a curt "We're here". The boys immediately flew into the pool and I sat on the edge with my feet in, letting the afternoon sun, not nearly as oppressively hot as the day before, warm my skin and my mood. By the time my parents and brother arrived, I was feeling considerably better...good music, good food, good beer, good company. There was no reason to let my anti-social husband ruin a perfectly nice summer day, so I didn't. At one point my aunt asked, "Where's Mr. EM? I wanted to see him today!" I let myself reply to her as I usually do to our friends, "He didn't want to come. He's lame." She laughed at that and said, "I wish he'd come around more often. I love seeing him." That sort of put me back in my funk for a little bit because I felt the same way, but I forced myself to get past it. Getting all moody wasn't going to accomplish anything.

Around 7:30, we'd been gone for over 5 hours by then, he texted me, "Didn't think you'd be gone this long." I snarkily let it go without reply for a little while, finally replying around 8:00, "We're having fun. Not sure how late we'll be." He immediately replied, "Ok. Just checking in." As it started to get dark, I knew we should get going. We had a 45 minute drive ahead of us and I knew the traffic would be nuts, there'd be fireworks going off like crazy along the highway and being in the sun and the water all day had made me kind of tired. But the boys were loving the fact that they could swim in the dark in a lighted pool and the hot tub was so inviting that we stayed until just past 9:30. I sent him another curt text, "On our way home now", and we left. The fireworks all along the highway on the drive home were actually quite pretty and the traffic wasn't so bad. We made good time and the boys were exhausted, heading straight to bed as soon as we got inside.

Once the kids were tucked in bed, Mr. EM said, "You were gone a long time. I didn't expect you guys to be out so late. It got kind of boring here today." I let that "boring" statement go and just said that I hadn't planned on staying so long, but the kids were having such a good time and it was such a nice day that the time got away from me. We sat quietly for a bit after that. I was still kind of irritated with him and I could tell that he knew it, was treading lightly around me because he still didn't get what had been bothering me. Finally...

"What was wrong today before you left?"

"Why didn't you come with us today?"

"I didn't want to."

"Why not? I could understand not coming yesterday. It was so hot and there were a lot of people there. But today the weather was beautiful and it was just a small group of family."

"I just didn't feel like going."

"Well, that's what was bothering me. I felt like you blew us off two days in a row. Yesterday I expected it, but today didn't make sense. You had one day left of your vacation and the weather was probably the best it was going to be all summer. You chose to stay inside by yourself all day long and let your family take off without you. I just wish you weren't so anti-social sometimes."

"Oh. Sorry."

And that was all that was said about it...which, of course, has set me to stewing again. Which, of course, is doing me no good, because nothing is going to change. I'm going to have to let this go. As I said in the very first sentence of this post, Mr. EM is not a social person. I knew this going into the marriage and most of the time it's not a problem, so on the occasions that it IS a problem, it's MY problem and I have to deal with it. I know I'm being whiny right now and I don't care. My feelings are hurt that my husband had one day left of his vacation and he chose to spend it at home with his X-box instead of outside with his family. As I've said before, summer is such a "separate" time for us. His work schedule does not allow him a lot of quality time with us, so when he has the opportunity to do something fun with us and chooses not to take it, it bothers me.

But then, it bothers me that it bothers me. It's his vacation time, he should get to do what he wants with it. But then, on the other hand, during this vacation, he's gotten lots of time to play his video games and the kids spent three days at his mom's, so he got his quiet time too. And the entire day before he had the whole house to himself. So, why couldn't he find it in himself to come with us yesterday? And, here we are again...back where I started...he's not a social person. It's not fun for him and he should spend his last day of vacation doing something he enjoys. *sigh*

For now, I'm letting the matter drop. This particular social occasion is over and we can't go back in time and change his decision to go or not to go, and as I said before, most of the time this isn't a big deal. But, I'd love to hear an outside perspective too. Because this particular time was kind of important to me, should I have asked or insisted that he come along? Seems to me that there's something to be said for accepting your spouse the way they are, but there's also something to be said for stepping outside your comfort zone to make your spouse happy every so often. Does he already do that by indulging me on major holidays and life-changing events? Am I asking too much to expect him to attend the occasional pool party? We are bound to wander into this territory again and I'd like to emerge from it next time without the hurt feelings.

“Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.”
Louis K. Anspacher (No, that quote doesn't enlighten me any further, but it seemed fitting for this particular situation.)

Vacation...

2011-07-03T19:11:00.001-05:00

The vacation was a success! The kids loved the water park, and Mr. EM and I were impressed with it as well. It was clean, there was a wide variety of stuff to do, the lifeguards were beyond vigilant and the boys never got bored. I would highly recommend the Great Wolf Lodge to any family looking for a weekend getaway.

Outside part of the water park...we had great weather, in spite of how the sky looks in this pic.

Big M., enjoying the good life.

Little M.'s first trip down a big water slide. I was a little concerned about whether he'd like it...turns out my concerns were unnecessary. He LOVED it.

One of the three inside water park sections, this place is ridiculously huge.

One of the best slides in the whole place, in my opinion.

We also took a Duck boat ride, it was a nice break from the water and a very interesting tour. Our boat was called the New Caldonia and had fought in the Korean War.

Enjoying Dippin' Dots from the candy shop.

After leaving the Dells, we spent a day in Madison, Wisconsin. We visited the zoo, swam at the hotel and enjoyed a fan-freaking-tastic dinner at Monty's Blue Plate Diner. I absolutely LOVED Madison, totally my kind of town. What we saw of it was clean and kind of funky, in a good way. We plan to visit there again next summer, take in more of the sights and get the know the city a little better.

That's my boys being silly at the zoo...

A look at one of the more decadent sections of Monty's menu...Mr. EM really-really-really wanted to order the Donut French Toast.

But, he chose wisely and got the Meatless Loaf of the Gods instead...and I had nothing to do with his choice, seriously! The Meatless Loaf of the Gods was really quite good. I ordered a roasted vegetable quesadilla that was also really good. Both boys got breakfast items and we all took home some delicious desserts. I cannot say enough good things about this restaurant. If you visit Madison, WI, you really should make time to eat here!

Mr. EM and I outside of Monty's, Big M. took this pic. Look...it's the last day of our vacation and we're not ready to kill each other!

I would say my only regret from this whole vacation is that we didn't spend more money on cheese. We stopped at one cheese shop near the resort and got some smoked string cheese, sweet basil jack and beer cheddar. It is all TO DIE FOR and I'm kicking myself for not cleaning that place out. Live and learn, I guess. Just gives us another reason to visit Madison next summer. I saw in their travel guide that there's a cheese shop there called Fromagination...how can we NOT visit there?!

So, it would seem that we CAN travel together and get along and enjoy ourselves without any drama. Whodathunkit? The night we got home, as we were getting ready for bed, Mr. EM said, "Well, sweetie, I hope I wasn't too difficult to be with this week." And I told him he was not, but I was getting ready to brush my teeth and didn't say anything else. He laughed at my short answer, reading more into it than he should have, and said, "What? Was I just the right amount of difficult?" We both had a laugh at that...yes, we were all just the right amount of difficult! No major meltdowns by either kids or parents, no major mishaps, just four imperfect people trying to have a good time and actually succeeding. Really, what more can you ask for out of a family vacation?

We've got a swimmer here...

2011-06-26T10:18:00.000-05:00

Little M. just completed his second year of swimming lessons and he has come along beautifully in the water. He was scared to death that Aunt L. was going to make him jump off the diving board, but when the time came to do it, he jumped without looking back. Now it's his favorite thing to do!

These lessons came just in time to prepare him for the insanity that is our family vacation this week. We leave tomorrow for the Great Wolf Lodge in the Wisconsin Dells. We got a good deal on a family suite and to say the boys are THRILLED would be the greatest understatement ever uttered on this blog. I, as usual, have my trepidations that we'll be able to get along and function as a "happy family" and return with all of our sanity intact. I'm hoping this trip will go better than usual, because we are going there and staying there...no sight-seeing, no dragging the kids to things we think they'd like but it turns out they don't, no big expectations aside from swimming and playing in the arcade to their hearts' content...and that's pretty much what they want to do. Mr. EM and I have armed ourselves heavily with reading material, it appears that we might actually be able to RELAX on this vacation a little bit. I'm starting to let my guard down and get a little excited about it myself!

Something else we did right was we sent the boys to stay with MIL for the last few days, giving us a little time alone together. It's hard for us to get couple-time in the summer and it wears on us both. Mr. EM has to get up really early for work during the summer, 4:45 am. I, on the other hand, sleep most mornings until around 7:00 and the boys get up even later than me. By the time we finish dinner most nights, Mr. EM is ready for bed and the rest of us...well, we're not. It's kind of like he's living totally separate from us and we all miss him and he misses us and it makes everyone a little edgy. So, he had some vacation he had to use before July 1st and he took a good chunk of it here at the end of June. The boys got some quality time with him, then he drove them to his mom's and I got some quality time with him. It's been heavenly...we've been staying up late, sleeping late, eating junk food, watching whatever we want on TV, hanging out with friends, going out to dinner, having sex in the middle of the afternoon...just doing whatever we want, whenever we want. It's been like taking a trip back to the first year of our marriage. We needed that.

So, gentle readers, I bid you adieu. Here's hoping you all have a lovely week, I'll check in next weekend!

Success!

2011-06-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

They were surprised, very surprised. The party was a huge success, everyone seemed to have a great time. There was way too much food, beer and soda, but just enough cake. And I didn't kill my brother.

3rd and final leg of this really long MEME...

2011-06-06T18:14:00.000-05:00

I guess I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I started this MEME! Thanks for hooking me, Maria!

61) Do you trust others easily?
At first, yes. Then I start to think about how a particular person could screw me over and I get a little skeptical of the friend/partner-ship. And I'm very untrustworthy of strangers.

62) What was your favorite toy as a child?
As much as I hate to admit it, my Barbies. I loved dressing them up and doing their hair. I would use yarn and block out rooms of their houses on the living room floor. I could play for hours with my Barbies. Now I'm glad I have boys so I don't have to deal with Barbie any more!

63) How many numbers are in your mobile phone?
A lot...though I find myself often in the position of needing someone's number and not having it, so maybe I should say "not enough".

64) Do you use sarcasm?
Yes, liberally and without shame.

65) Do you know anyone famous?
No, and that's a shame.

66)Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Only on the outskirs and I've never had any desire to get any closer than that. Mosh pits are violent, smelly things.

67) What do you look for in a place to live?
Affordable, big yard, a well-laid-out kitchen, decent neighbors.

68) What are your nicknames?
Mr. EM calls me either Ma or Sweetie. Everyone else calls me a short version of my name. One lady at the community theater started calling me Earth Muffin, but she doesn't always do that.

69) How many hats do you own? What is your hat size?
I own one fleece winter hat. Cute hats to be worn for fashion's sake just don't look good on me.

70) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Not usually

71) Were you upset about Steve Irwin dying?
No, but I felt sad for his wife and little girl.

72) What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Mint chocolate chip, with Ben and Jerry's Phish Food coming in a close second!

73)Are you lazy?
I can be, but I try really hard not to be. I know deep down that it's better to get things done and allow time for laziness after. Most of the time I can tell myself that and believe it. Sometimes the Lazy Me wins.

74) What are your favorite songs at the moment?
I really dig Born This Way by Lady Gaga, but that's about the only new-ish song I really like right now. I've been listening to a lot of Bob Dylan lately because Rolling Stone recently did an article on his top 70 songs in honor of his 70th birthday. I really love Just Like a Woman, When I Paint My Masterpiece, Don't Think Twice It's Alright, and Subterranean Homesick Blues by Dylan.

75) What is your favorite band?
So-so-so hard to pick just one...the Rolling Stones will always top that list. I also could never get enough of JJ Grey and Mofro, the Indigo Girls, the Pixies and the Foo Fighters.

76) How many wisdom teeth do you have?
None. And I've never had any removed either. I was apparently born without any.

77) Do you want to go anywhere special this year?
There are plenty of places I'd love to go any time...San Francisco, New Orleans, NYC and anywhere in Europe. I'm actually going to the Wisconsin Dells later this month and then to Kansas City in August.

78) What are you listening to right now?
Big M. and a friend chatting about skateboarding and Little M. vying for their attention and failing miserably at it.

79) Last thing you ate?
Some peanuts and cashews

80) Last person you talked to on the phone?
Mr. EM, needed him to bring something home from work for me.

81) What is the first thing that you notice about yourself in the morning?
Um...that I have to pee.

82) Favorite thought provoking song?
You Haven't Done Nothin' by Stevie Wonder, Freedom of Speech by Above the Law, Mr. Wendle by Arrested Development

83) Favorite two things to hate?
Video games, Sarah Palin supporters

84) Favorite Drink?
Coffee, Snapple Peach Iced Tea, Fat Tire beer

85) Favorite Zodiac sign?
I am a Capricorn and I fit the profile perfectly. Mr. EM is a Sagittarius, Big M. is a Pisces, Little M. is a Taurus. We are an odd mix, we are. A goat, an archer, a fish and a bull...

86) Sports you like to watch?
I don't get into watching sports much at all. I will sit through a bit of a Cubs baseball game before I get bored and turn it off. I also love to watch the Olympics, winter or summer.

87) What is your hair color?
It is a non-descript brown naturally. I've been coloring it "light golden brown" for a while now, which lightens it up to a nice blonde that I like a lot.

88) Eye color?
Golden brown.

89) Do you wear glasses?
Yes, and contacts.

90) Siblings?
One younger brother. And he is an idiot sometimes. See previous post.

91) Favorite month?
I love October because fall is my favorite season and October is so pretty in this area. I also love June because summer vacation starts then and the whole summer feels stretched out before me.

92) Do you like sushi?
Haven't ever had it. Don't think I'd like it.

93) Last thing you watched on television?
A dvd of old Scooby-Doo episodes with Little M.

94) Favorite day of the year?
The last day of school

95) Are you too shy to ask someone out?
I always was and I'm sure it cost me a lot of opportunities to get to know some cool guys who would likely have said yes. I had no problem being a big flirt, but when it came down to actually putting myself on the line and asking someone out, I couldn't do it.

96) Summer or Winter?
Summer, for sure, though I'm not a big fan of the beastly hot weather we get here. I can take it better than winter though.

97) Kisses or hugs?
Kisses from my husband, hugs from anyone else.

98) Relationships or One night stands?
Relationships

99) Who is your favorite celebrity?
Brad Pitt is my all-time favorite celebrity crush. I also admire Johnny Depp, John Malkovich, Meryl Streep, Judi Dench, Angelina Jolie (not for her Brad connection) and Jeff Bridges.

100) Books you'd like to see turned into a film?
I really couldn't say. I am almost always disappointed by the film versions of beloved books.

My brother is an idiot, part deux

2011-06-03T10:41:00.002-05:00

My parents' 40th wedding anniversary is next weekend. In February, my brother got in touch with me via email and asked what I thought about throwing a party for them. I agreed that would be a nice idea, but told him that spring is a really busy time for me, both with work and my own kids' school activities. The details would have to be left up to him and I'd just have to pay him half of whatever he spent. He understood and agreed...or so I thought.

Initially, he seemed to think the party would be something like this:

So, I was thinking we could have it at the Crystal Ballroom, have some kind of "head table" where they could sit with the people who stood up with them at their wedding. Best Man and Maid of Honor could give a speech, you and I could each give a speech. You know, make it really nice. Champagne, good food, the works.

It would seem that my brother thinks that I am as financially comfortable as he is...single, no kids or mortgage or responsibility, expendable cash. "The works".

I talked him down off that ledge:

Brother, they're not going to want something like that. First of all, I don't think Mom even keeps in touch with her Maid of Honor any more. Secondly, as much as they like to dress up and go out, they like just having drinks and socializing even better. Why don't we rent the Sportsman's Club...since it's FREE (duh!)...order some chicken and veggie trays, get a couple of kegs and be done with it?

Ok, so that was settled. He decided my idea was better and got right on reserving the Sportsman's Club, but then apparently did nothing else for the next 2 months. He called me on May 11, exactly one month before the party, to say:

Um, I'm having a hard time getting in touch with any caterers. I started calling last week and everyone's either booked that weekend or hasn't called me back.

Really?!? Having a hard time securing a caterer in the midst of graduation/wedding season?!? WTF?!?

WHY ON EARTH DID YOU WAIT UNTIL NOW TO START WORKING ON FOOD WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU I TOLD YOU I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO TAKE THE REINS OF THIS PARTY AND NOW THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO I'M NEVER PLANNING A PARTY WITH YOU AGAIN WE ARE SENDING THEM ON A TRIP FOR THEIR 50TH ANNIVERSARY OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To this, he replied that I should chill out and not to worry, he'd take care of getting the beer. Should he get 3 kegs or 4?

Really?

Two. Two? Only two? Yes, only two. This isn't a frat party. Fine, I guess someone can just make a beer run when we run out. (Notice he said "when", not "if".)

He created an "event" on Facebook as the invitation and started inviting people. Most of the people who RSVP'd asked if they could bring anything or help out in any way. To this, his reply was always some variation of, "Nope, Earth Muffin and I will take care of everything. Just bring yourself and be ready to have a good time."

I got in touch with a local restaurant that does catering and pulled together the cheapest food I could that wouldn't appear cheap when served. They actually gave me a very good deal and I called him all excited about it. When I told him the cost, I actually heard him GULP over the phone and then he said, "Wow. This is going to cost a lot to pull together, isn't it?"

Yes, dumbass. What did you think? You invited over 100 people to this party. You seemed to think you could throw out a few bags of chips and 4 kegs of beer and be done with it. Well, we can't do that. We have to have a decent amount of decent food available, plus beer and plenty of non-alcoholic beverages. AND we're going to need something to put all of this food on: plates, napkins, cups, utensils. And did you think about ice? And it was right around then that my head exploded because he said:

Huh...I guess when people were asking if they could help out, I should have said yes.

Ya think?!

So, what do we do now? Should I go back and tell people that we could use a little help?

God help the woman he may someday marry, because planning a wedding with him is going to be a f&*king nightmare.

Brother, that ship has sailed. You can't go back and re-ask for help now. We can call upon family to help us out, but not the friends. I'm seeing Aunt M. tonight, I'll talk with her about it.

And so, my dad's siblings are helping out with non-alcoholic beverages. I've put him in charge of asking my mom's siblings to help out with ice. (We'll see how that goes...it stands to reason that he'll wait until the morning of the party to get in touch with any of them.) The caterer is providing plates and napkins. Utensils and small plates for the cake will be cheap to get at Wal-Mart. One thing I was unsure of was cups.

Hey, when you ordered the kegs, did they say whether they provide a sleeve of cups with each keg? Places used to do that when I was of keg-ordering age.

Huh? Oh, I don't know. I didn't ask. I got Miller Light. I figured that would suit everyone's taste ok. You think? Should I have gotten something else? I can always change it, if you think I should.

So damn wrapped up in the beer, but not thinking at all about what he's going to pour it in.

Never mind. I'll get cups. *sigh*

You know, Earth Muffin, you're getting a little too stressed out about the small details here. By the way, I wanted to run something by you...it's just a thought, so don't freak out. We don't have to do this, but...well, I was thinking it might be kind of fun to hire a band.

And that's when I hung up on him. A BAND?!? But then I had to call him back.

When are you getting into town?

Sometime the night before. I didn't figure I'd need to be there any sooner than that. I mean, what is there really going to be to do besides set everything up the day of?

Why would he have to come into town any earlier? I mean, really. There's not shit-tons of shopping to be done, a pavillion to be cleaned up, "small details" to attend to. F&*ker.

As Mr. EM said, it'll be fine. It'll all work out just fine. We do have the big stuff taken care of and we're getting help with some of the "bigger small details"...well, at least half of them. My parents will have a great time and so will everyone else. I might even enjoy myself once the party has actually started and I can no longer do anything about the stuff that didn't get done to my satisfaction.

Note to self: NEVER plan a party with Brother again. Ever.

The plot has thickened a bit...

2011-05-29T09:36:00.000-05:00

Remember this post? The one where Obnoxious Vasectomy Guy told his good friend's wife that he was in love with her?

Well, nothing ended up coming of it. Mrs. Bluff was adamant with Mr. Bluff that she DID NOT want this issue addressed in any way. Mr. Bluff doesn't like that, but is willing to honor her wishes. OVG hasn't been spoken to about the incident, per the Bluff's request, so he has no idea why Mr. Bluff isn't returning his calls or wanting to get their kids together. We run into him every now and then because our kids attend the same school, but otherwise haven't seen him around much.

Recently Mr. EM spent an evening hanging out with Mr. Granola and when he came home he said the Granola's had an "interesting" theory regarding this whole OVG/Mrs. Bluff situation. As one comment stated on that last post, they both felt there was a important piece to this puzzle missing. The whole situation had just felt strange and slightly incomplete...the thing is, as obnoxious as OVG could be, he really did seem to love his wife. Their marriage seemed to be a happy one and his friendship with Mr. Bluff has always been rock solid, as well. OVG may be a lot of uncool things, but disloyal to friends isn't one of them. The more thought anyone gave this situation, the more things didn't add up. It didn't take a genius to realize that the missing piece is probably sitting in the hands of Mrs. Bluff.

The same commenter (Hi, Maria!) suggested that perhaps Mrs. Bluff also had feelings for OVG and I denied that possibility, and I still do. Without asking her or having ever really spoken to her much about OVG, I know that I can speak with 100% certainty that she does NOT have romantic feelings for him. What she does have, however, are very strong negative feelings for him...negative feelings her husband does not share, and as a result they do a lot of socializing with OVG and his family, a lot more socialzing that any of the rest of us are subjected to. That's a LOT of OVG, my friends. And if she's fed up to the point of desperation, if maybe she's tried talking with her husband about cutting back on the couple time with OVG and his wife to no avail...well, what's an easy way to make your husband want to quit hanging out with someone? Tell him that someone propositioned you in some way.

Yes, this theory has some holes...first of all, none of us know whether or not there have been conversations between Mr. and Mrs. Bluff regarding the time they spend with OVG and how she feels about it. However, we are all aware of her feelings for him, his ability to grate on our last nerve has been a topic of conversation in the past and she was one of the most outspoken. Secondly, at first hearing of this manipulation strategy, everyone's first reaction is, "What?! Mrs. Bluff wouldn't do that!"

But...

The more we get to thinking about it, no one in our group really knows her all that well. Mr. Bluff met her at a time when he was kind of broken off from our group. Soon after they started dating they moved to North Carolina for a brief time and that's where they got married and had their first child. Since they've moved back to the area, they do socialize with our group, but not that often and even then it's usually just Mr. Bluff. She may come around for a little while, but soon begs off saying that she has to get home to the kids or get up early the next morning or whatever. No one ever thinks anything of that, they have three young children, she's recently started working again, it's not odd that socializing isn't high on her list of priorities.

But...

It also keeps her kind of separated from the rest of us just a little bit. I like what I know of her, she's always been nice to me and we've always gotten along well, but I'm not sure I'd consider her my friend so much as I'd consider her married to one of my husband's friends. That's not a bad thing, of course, but it certainly adds to the mystery surrounding this odd situation. She's not close enough to anyone in our group for us to safely rule out the possibility that she tipped the scales in her favor...and sold her husband's long-time friendship down the river in the process. Another compelling bit of evidence the Granola's brought up was this: when the Bluff's were living in North Carolina, Dr. Student moved out there for a little while. They offered him a room in their place for as long as he needed to get on his feet. He stayed out there a few months, then came back claiming that she was a total bitch to live with, that she wasn't above lying or manipulating a situation to her advantage, and he had no choice but to move back because he couldn't afford a place of his own yet and he sure as hell wasn't living with her any longer. Well, of course, EVERYONE chalked that up to Dr. Student having a major case of sour grapes. We all figured that he had unrealistic expectations about moving out there and was angry when they didn't come true and needed someone to blame. Now? We're not so sure.

The most telling piece of evidence here though is the fact that she absolutely refuses to "allow" Mr. Bluff to confront OVG. Why is that? The way I see it, it's not even her call. To be fair, as uncomfortable as this situation is, she's not really the victim. Mr. Bluff and OVG have been friends for over 20 years. If things went down the way she says they did, she has suffered a few uncomfortable moments, but Mr. Bluff has suffered a pretty major betrayal. If I were in her shoes, I'd have told Mr. EM what happened and then it would have been up to him how to proceed. And, according to Mr. EM, he would be confronting that friend regardless of what I thought he should do. So...does she want this whole thing kept quiet because it never really happened? Is she afraid that Mr. Bluff would discover that she lied to him so she wouldn't have to spend time with OVG any more? As much as I don't care of OVG, I think that's a pretty crappy thing to do to both him and her husband. It makes me consider her in a different light. And, as Mr. Granola said, "This sucks. We hang out with the people we hang out with so that we DON'T have to deal with drama. And now, DRAMA! What the hell..."

Part of me thinks we'll never know the truth, but then another part of me wonders if this whole thing is going to blow up in her face someday. The guys like to get together over bonfires and beer sometimes. A drunken comment made in passing could someday open up this whole can of worms. How could anyone explain their way out of this? And, who knows? Maybe we're all wrong, maybe the Granola's theory is nothing more than a theory and Mrs. Bluff is just so completely embarrassed by OVG's feelings for her that she doesn't want to think about it any more.

But...

It's not that far-reaching of a theory either, is it?

Ok, so it turns out that MEME wasn't over...

2011-05-27T21:45:00.000-05:00

Maria broke it into 2 posts, so it appears that I will be doing the same. She's a crafty one, that Maria.

31) WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Just say it to them. Grow a pair and say it.

32) WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED.
27

33) BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Either

34) WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL THE MOST OFTEN?
Hmmm...I had to think on this one a bit. I don't make a whole lot of phone calls any more. I guess it would have to be my parents. I communicate with Mr. EM the most, but usually through text messaging.

35) WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
People with annoying shopping habits...like the ones who take up an entire aisle with their cart, just standing there staring at the shelves, or the ones who make it a family EVENT to go to the grocery store, dragging all 5 of their kids and both spouses along. WHY would someone do that? Errand running has become my Zen time, I don't want my spouse or either of my children with me, goes much faster and smoother without them along. I also detest how rude people can be to wait staff at restaurants.

36) HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHAT PLACE DID YOU LIKE BEST?
I have only been to Canada, and only for 1 day. I have relatives who live in Michigan, very close to the tunnel you can drive through under one of the Great Lakes. We spent a day shopping and eating in Windsor. I loved it, even though there was pretty much nothing different from the US. Being there just made me feel very..."worldly". I was only 15 at the time.

37) YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Oh my...where to begin? Dark chocolate...any kind of mint chocolate ice cream...strong, dark coffee...a thick, cheesy veggie lasagna...good beer, like Fat Tire. And all of that is only the tip of the iceberg, I never proclaimed myself to be strong of will, folks.

38) FRIES/CHIPS, RICE OR BEANS?
Fries, heavily salted and preferably doused in gooey cheese, with kettle-cooked chips coming in a close second.

39) FIRST JOB?
Baby-sitting...and then working the drive-thru at the local Dairy Queen

40) EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE?
Yes, but not since middle school slumber parties.

41) WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?
Reading my latest issue of The Sun. (Those of you out there that enjoy a good read...talking to you, Maria...should really check this magazine out. Awesome.)

42) IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Tummy tuck

43) WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS MEME?
Boredom, felt like posting but didn't have anything note-worthy to post.

44) WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ON THE MOST?
Unique jewelry and clothing, efficiency

45) WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Stockpile and then drink illegally. (I'm going to stick with this answer, Maria.)

46) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My birthday isn't until January, so I really couldn't say. Usually, though, what I want most is a date with my husband to whatever restaurant and movie I want. It helps if the kids are spending the night somewhere, so we don't have to worry about getting a baby-sitter home.

47) HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
Many moons ago, I thought I wanted 4. Then I had one and thought, "Ok, maybe only 2." And that's where we stopped.

48) WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I don't think so. Never asked, but as far as I know, my parents don't know anyone else with my name.

49) WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE?
I don't have a favorite finger. What kind of question is that? In general, I just don't like my hands. They are too big, in my opinion, and I have a large ring size, again in my opinion.

50) DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Only if I see the first one in the sky.

51) WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Guacamole flavored chips

52) DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, I have fantastic penmanship.

53) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Don't eat meat.

54) ANY BAD HABITS?
I binge eat out of boredom, though recent dieting has helped curb this one a bit. I don't exercise much at all. I sometimes let my temper get the best of me and yell at my kids...in my defense, I do apologize to them when that happens.

55) WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
I'm not embarrassed by any of my music. Mr. EM would tell you that I "should" be embarrassed by the John Denver on my iPod and my collection of Broadway musicals. And I would tell him to shut up because the Grateful Dead aren't the only band in the world.

56) IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably, though my OCD would drive me nuts.

57) HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET THAT YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Yes, but not really since I was in high school. I would never indulge adult issues, like being pregnant or getting divorced or that kind of serious stuff.

58) DO LOOKS MATTER?
Unfortunately, yes, to a degree they really do.

59) YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Depends on who I'm angry with. If it's my husband, I try to keep a lid on it until I can express it in a calm way that won't escalate into a fight. Sometimes I'm successful, other times notsomuch. If it's a work issue, I tend to bury my head in the sand and ignore it until it resolves itself or just blows over. If it's my kids, I try to distance myself from them for a bit.

60) WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Whatever...second home? Um...it's on a pink cloud in La-La Land.

Ok, I think this is the end...Maria, correct me if I'm wrong.

Writer's block be damned...

2011-05-22T13:05:00.000-05:00

I've been absent lately. I've been reading your posts, commenting on some of them, just not writing any myself. It's been hard for me to find the time and when I have the time, it's been hard for me to find a topic to write about. We've been busy here, but not with anything note-worthy, just life. So, here's a MEME, stolen from Maria for you, my gentle readers. Enjoy...or don't. Whatever.

1) ONE OF YOUR SCARS. HOW DID YOU GET IT?
My left forearm, chicken pox when I was 22.

2) WHAT IS ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BEDROOM?
A wedding photo framed by Mr. EM with some dried flowers from my wedding bouquet, it was a gift from him on our first anniversary.

A full-length mirror

An art project I did for a college class, 2 magazine pictures woven together. I'm still impressed with myself at how well it turned out. One picture is a woman in a hot pink one piece bathing suit, the other is a man in a swanky suit. Their limbs and hair lines lined up perfectly and the effect is awesome, if I do say so myself.

A painting Mr. EM bought from Good Will before I knew him of a Hispanic-looking girl with a guitar, it's quite pretty.

3) WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Black, touch-screen, pretty basic.

4) WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
All kinds...favorites would be JJ Grey and Mofro, the Rolling Stones, the Indigo Girls, the Pixies, Ray LaMontagne, Ryan Adams, MC5, Concrete Blonde, Broadway soundtracks of Rent, Avenue Q, Hair and Sweeney Todd.

5) DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Not the exact time, but I know it was very soon after midnight.

6) WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To have the means to move out of this house and into one that doesn't need so much work.

7) WHO DO YOU MISS?
My brother, we talk and text and email frequently, but I'd like to live closer so we could see each other and hang out more often. My boys would love that too.

I also miss having my close girlfriends nearby. Any time we get together, it's a major undertaking to schedule it because we are scattered all over the state. It would nice to just be able to call up a friend and say, "Let's see a movie," or just get together for a glass of wine after a tough day at work.

8) IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU OR HAS A CRUSH ON YOU?
Mr. EM is in love with me and shows it frequently, which is very nice. As far as the crush goes...years ago,a friend of my uncle's, significantly older than me, professed a crush on me and attempted to act on it. He was married at the time and I was quite taken by surprise, as I'd always assumed I was considered "Steve's niece" by all of those people. The evening ended awkwardly and I'd barely seen him since then. I ran into him last weekend and, if I'm not mistaken, the "look" was still in his eyes when he saw me again.

9) WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED?
Mr. EM, just a while ago when he left to run an errand...and it was a hot one!

10) WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Kaye

11) THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED?
Dexter, True Blood, The Sopranos, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Glee, Parenthood...I can't pick just one.
12) THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
Mr. EM

13) DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
"Scared" is a strong word...I get uncomfortable in the dark in unfamiliar places.

14) THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Mr. EM, I took something he said out of context and blew it way out of proportion...because I am prone to do that, especially at certain times during the month.

15) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?
Patchouli oil or Anais Anais

16) WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I'm partial to blonde hair and blue eyes, but I can find someone attractive regardless of hair/eye color.

17) WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?
Smart. But most really smart people are funny too. (I agree, Maria!)

18) COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Strong, dark coffee...preferably a Sumatran or chicory blend. Black.

19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Garlic, roma tomatoes and spinach

20) IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Slices of sharp cheddar cheese on Triscuit crackers

21) WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD?
Big M. We have Netflix and he is on the honor system in regards to what he watches after school before we come home. Mr. EM checked the recently viewed items on our account today and we found out that Big M. has watched a couple of episodes of "Jackass". The honor system is no longer...now we'll be hiding the remote when we're not home to monitor what he's watching.

22) DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
Un poco Espanol

23) WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT THAT YOU REMEMBER SOMEONE GIVING YOU?
A stuffed striped cat for a birthday. I remember that its tail fell into the cake and I licked the frosting off of it.

24) DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
I like a lot of people. What kind of question is that? Does it mean "like-like" someone? If so, then, yes. I "like-like" my husband! And JJ Grey.

25) ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No, but I'm very flexible.

26) FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Old Navy and Levis jeans. No jeans fit me as well as Levis 515's do.

27) WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?
Toyota Prius

28) WHAT COLOR IS IT?
Sage green or that pale gold color I've seen around.

29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF EXERCISE?
Yoga

30) WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Yes. I did in college. This guy and I hit it off big time when we both already knew that he was moving with his family to Indiana, where his dad had been transferred. He was already enrolled in college there, had a part-time job already set to start, there was no getting out of it. Totally sucked, I learned that I am not a long-distance relationship kind of gal. I was miserable all the time without him around and our visits were far too infrequent for my liking. We stuck it out for just under a year, and he was willing to stick it out. I just wasn't. So, it ended. And all for the best because we are both happily married to others now. But it was a very sweet, loving relationship and I don't regret having been through it. He taught me what I was looking for in a long-term relationship.

And that's that. Feel free to play along!

The Ex Factor

2011-04-21T13:23:00.000-05:00

When Mr. EM and I were first dating, he took me to meet his mom. She had pictures all over her apartment of family, mostly of Mr. EM and Stepson. Sitting on a low shelf was a framed picture of Stepson and his mother. My initial reaction, as the new girlfriend who'd just met this woman, was, "Huh...she's kept that picture out. Weird...and maybe a little threatening."

However, it took all of 5 minutes for me to come to the conclusion that, no, it wasn't really weird or threatening. Mr. EM's and the Ex's relationship was not a good one while they were married or afterwards, but MIL's relationship with her was. They had always gotten along well and continued to do so after the divorce and her move back to Germany. MIL wanted to keep in touch with Stepson, who spoke no English at the time, so it was natural that she'd communicate regularly with the Ex and that they would continue to get along. Once I got over myself and realized that MIL liked me just fine and the Ex was just that...an Ex, the framed photo ceased to bother me.

When Stepson was 11, MIL and Macho Man paid for him and the Ex to come here for a 2 week visit. We all stayed at their house...one big happy family! Mr. EM, Big M. and I in the basement, the Ex and Stepson in the guest bedroom. I was initially a little nervous about meeting her and sharing a living space with her for 2 weeks, but it turned out to not be a big deal at all. She and Mr. EM were able to be civil, she and I got along just fine. She was engaged at the time, quite happy with her life, and the visit on a whole was very good.

Since then, she and Stepson have been back here twice, though both times we've seen much less of her because Stepson came to our house for most of his visit. Her husband came with them both times. He speaks no English, which is a little awkward for MIL and Macho Man, but they made do, communicating through her. Their last visit was not pleasant though, which we found out after the fact from MIL. They pretty much spent the entire 2 weeks sitting in the kitchen smoking and talking to each other in German. They barely spoke to MIL or Macho Man. They brought no toiletries with them, instead they told MIL what they needed and then expected her to pay for everything! The husband didn't even bring any underwear, just threw some in her cart while they were at Target! MIL bought all their food, drinks, toiletries, cigarettes...EVERYTHING. No "thank you", no gifts from Germany, nothing. MIL was struck dumb by the whole thing. She certainly didn't mind opening her home to them, and she had counted on paying for most food items, but the toiletries? The cigarettes? And for whatever reason, she just didn't feel right confronting them about it. She just suffered through their visit and figured if they ever mentioned visiting again, she'd come up with reasons why they couldn't stay with her. That was 3 years ago.

Stepson has not been here to visit since that time. That's a post for another day. He doesn't keep in touch with Mr. EM or MIL at all unless it's close to Christmas or his birthday. He doesn't answer emails or respond to them on Facebook. He doesn't call on their birthdays or holidays. He seems to be going through a selfish phase and I think it sucks. Mr. EM does too, but it's not a battle he's willing to fight. He's taken the whole thing rather passively, but not MIL. If she doesn't hear from Stepson after several attempts to talk with him, she'll call the Ex and ask what's up. The Ex is of the opinion that Stepson is an adult now. If he chooses not to talk to someone, that's his business. It's a frustrating situation, but what can be done about it? So, that's the way it's been. We hear from him in early September and December of each year and that's it. MIL calls over there every few months and gets a very generic update and that's it. It's not ideal, but at least they get something, some word that he's ok. Hopefully as he gets older, maybe gets married himself, he'll mature a bit more and realize what an ass he's being and make more of an effort. Until then, that's where we are.

So, imagine MIL's surprise when recently the Ex called to say that she and her husband were splitting up and would it be ok if she moved in with MIL and Macho Man!!!!!!!!!!! I ask you, gentle readers, WHAT. THE. F&^K?!?! Seriously?! Really?! What would possess someone to think that's it's appropriate to ask your ex-mother-in-law if you can move in with her after your current marriage falls apart?

MIL, of course, said no. She gave a few generic reasons like they didn't really have the space for another adult (technically they do), the Ex has a good job she shouldn't leave (she does), maybe this would be a good time for her to move closer to her mom (she should, her mom's health is not great), or if she wants to live in the U.S., how about living with her sister in Nevada? (Duh! She's been here to visit 3 times in the last 10 years and hasn't seen her sister once) Then MIL did summon the balls to say, "And really, D., the last time you were here I didn't really feel like you cared very much about us. You barely spoke to us, you didn't pay for anything. You were kind of rude which made it a pretty unpleasant visit. I care about you and I'm sorry you're going through this, but it really isn't my problem to fix."

The Ex was stunned. She had no idea MIL felt that way. She was sorry, she didn't mean for things to be that way. What, specifically, did MIL find rude? How could she make this up to her? Oh, she felt just terrible. Blah blah blah...whatever. I know I'm coming from a very biased place here, but it sounded to me like she was pretty desperate to get back into MIL's good graces and I have a sneaking suspicion that her sister in Nevada either had already said no about her staying there or is just unapproachable on the subject. Again, all my info on her personality comes from the man who divorced her, but this isn't the first time things haven't worked out the way she thought they would and she has ALWAYS expected someone else to pick up the pieces for her.

Tough cookies, baby. This is Earth Muffin's family now. Put on your big girl panties and deal with this yourself!

Sometimes it's not so nice to hear "I love you".

2011-04-08T18:43:00.000-05:00

Obnoxious Vasectomy Guy is at it again.

He's been around at more social functions in the last year than I prefer. It seems like wherever we go, there he is. Concerts, parties, school functions, city events...we can't seem to escape him. It's even worse for Mr. EM...he attends more concerts than I do and he gets together with friends to watch sports sometimes. Obnoxious Vasectomy Guy is always around. Sometime his wife and/or kids are there too, and he's slightly less obnoxious. Sometimes his wife and/or kids are not there and he's decidedly more obnoxious.

Suffice it to say, I am not a fan of OVG. At all. I wouldn't say I hate him, but I really don't like him. From the moment I met him, and I met him before I met Mr. EM, there was something about him that just rubbed me the wrong way. He's big, loud and has a need to get right in your face when he talks to you. He's a little handsy with the ladies, just a little, just enough to make you just a shade uncomfortable. He is a heavy drinker, no matter the situation, and alcohol intensifies his obnoxiousness to an astounding degree. After a few drinks, he ALWAYS licks Mr. EM's glasses. Yes, I said he LICKS MR. EM'S GLASSES. He has a history of drug use/selling and he's not shy about telling you all about it. In fact, EVERY conversation anyone ever tries to have with him ends up being about drugs. Every. Single. Conversation. I'm serious. He is incapable of talking about anything for any period of time without the topic turning towards drugs. In our circle of friends there is a wide variety of drug experience and everyone is pretty open-minded in regards to everyone else's past. But that's the thing...we're all grown up now. We all have kids and jobs and responsibilities. The days of experimentation are over and drugs of any kind are not part of the equation any more, but someone forgot to tell OVG. And so, for all of the above reasons I am uncomfortable in his presence and I avoid him as much as I can.

If you were to ask Mr. EM or Mr. Granola about him, they'd tell you that, yes, he is annoying. He is loud and immature and a bad drunk. He's a blabbermouth and a show-off. However, they would tell you he's not a BAD guy. He'd bend over backwards to help anyone out anytime they needed him and he doesn't get his feelings hurt when he's told to shut the f&*k up. They would tell you he's not stupid in regards to his yammering on about how cool drugs are...I disagree, but that's what they say. And because of those few "positive" qualities, they tolerate him a lot better than I do. To each his own, I guess.

Anyway, there is a couple in our circle of friends...I'll call them Mr. and Mrs. Bluff. Mr. Bluff has been friends with OVG since high school. The Bluff's hang out with OVG and his wife pretty regularly because their kids are the same age and Mrs. Bluff gets along well with Mrs. OVG. Mr. Bluff is much more tolerant of OVG than anyone, I assume because of their history. Well, recently OVG showed up at the Bluff's house in the middle of the day, knowing that Mr. Bluff was at work and proclaimed his love for Mrs. Bluff. The details are sketchy...we don't know if he propositioned her in any way. We just know that he told her he was in love with her...we also know there was no touching involved. He said his piece, she told him he had to leave, she told Mr. Bluff about it as soon as he walked in the door and now Mr. Bluff is not speaking to OVG. In a move of solidarity, neither are Mr. EM or Mr. Granola. The Bro Code is in full force right now, gentle readers.

(side note: Anyone out there watch How I Met Your Mother? LOVE that show!)

So, Mr. EM tells me about this and he is APPALLED at OVG's actions. According to him, "That's it. Dude's gotta go. You just don't do that to your friend. It's not appropriate." Oddly enough, I felt a little more compassionate about it. I agreed that it would be awkward for him to continue to hang out in our circle, but the situation had to be handled delicately. In my opinion what he did took some guts, it was misguided and inappropriate, but it's difficult to hold in a very intense feeling. If he felt like he just HAD to tell her how he felt, then he must have been incredibly overwhelmed by the emotion and felt his only option was to get it off his chest. It seemed to me that it was not his intention to hurt anyone, he just didn't know what else to do so he chose the most awkward route and ran with it.

And here's where the situation gets hairy...Mr. Bluff and Mr. Granola like to hook up for drinks in local bars on occasion. Sometimes OVG sees their cars outside a bar and decided to join them. Ordinarily, all is fine when that happens. Not so much any more. So, how is that situation going to be handled? And what about when we have tickets to a concert in the city and he comes barging up to us, bear-hugging everyone and (gulp) licking Mr. EM's glasses? What happens then? And what about when his wife and kids wonder why they're not spending time with the Bluff's any more? What if we run into both of them somewhere and she finds her husband being shunned by people that have always been friendly with them? What happens then?

When I presented those scenarios to Mr. EM, he saw my point about the fact that this situation needed to be handled delicately. I suggested that he and Mr. Granola take OVG out for a drink, explain politely and matter-of-factly that he crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed and that he was going to have to back respectfully out of our group. Tell him that kids shouldn't suffer from a loss of friends, but that plans would have to be made for the kids to hang out with the adults making drop-off/pick-up arrangments. Whatever explanation he offered his wife in regards to these relationship changes was his business. When we all ran into each other socially we'd offer polite greetings, but nothing more. Mr. EM found this to be reasonable, probably the best plan of action, and talked with Mr. Bluff and Mr. Granola about it.

They were less than enthusiastic about it. Turns out they knew something Mr. EM didn't. When Dr. Student was still living in the area with his Psycho Nurse girlfriend, it wasn't uncommon for her to cheat on him with OVG and it also wasn't uncommon for OVG to brag about this to Mr. Bluff and Mr. Granola. Mr. EM was never made privy to this info because he was closest to Dr. Student. Mr. Bluff and Mr. Granola never told him because they really didn't care if Dr. Student was being cheated on. It's not that they didn't care about him, they just thought he was stupid for staying with her and was getting what he deserved. And I'm finding myself a LOT less compassionate towards OVG. Who knows now if his motive was really proclaiming "love" or was he trying to find another little sumpin-sumpin on the side?! Asshole!

So...at this point in the game, nothing is being done. Mr. Bluff is willing to do whatever his wife wants. If she can handle still being around OVG, that's fine with him. If not, that's fine too. And right now she doesn't know that anyone but her husband knows about all of this, nor is she really up for dealing with it in any way. She's taking the "head buried in sand" approach, and I don't blame her because...ew. Really, it's their awkward situation to deal with, not ours. I will say that the way Mr. EM and Mr. Granola got their hackles up about this, feeling the need to defend the honor of a buddy's wife was really quite sweet and noble. I've always felt that we have a very loyal circle of friends, but it was still nice to see that back-up in action.

What do y'all make of this? I know none of you know any of these people (except for EBM), but based on what I've told you here, what, if anything, do you think should be done about this? My one concern with the "head buried in sand" approach is that it will stay that way until we are all out somewhere social and OVG will be drunk (as well as Mr. Granola and likely Mr. Bluff too) and things will get ugly. Then what?

Listen to this great song...

2011-04-02T19:53:00.000-05:00

And this one too...

You're welcome.

Suburban housewives sign their kids up for camp...and Earth Muffin does too.

2011-03-19T18:57:00.000-05:00

Today was summer camp registration for the M.'s. They love camp. It's a week of getting dirty, playing in creeks, learning about bugs and snakes and fossils, making friends and preparing a show for the parents on the last day. I love it too. It gets the kids out of my hair during the day for a week, it's close to home and provides something fun and educational for them to do.

Plenty of other kids and parents share our enthusiasm for camp. As a result, registration is more than a little crowded. My friend had warned me of how obnoxious registration could be, people getting there hours before it started, butting in line, engaging in rude behavior, so for a few years I waited until after the "official" registration day, and would download the forms from the website and mail in the boys' registration. But then two years ago I learned that Big M. was the very last kid to make it into the camp session I signed him up for, and I didn't want to ever have them NOT get in, so the next year we decided we would brave the Suburban Housewives and actually attend official camp registration day.

Well, that was last year and since I was involved in a play and had been at a late night performance the night before, Mr. EM did the registering. He said it was crowded, but he just took a book with him and sat in a corner reading until his number was called. He didn't have much to say about anyone there, didn't even really pay attention to anyone except the lady that took his check. He'd be a lousy blogger, folks, I tell you what.

Registration started at 9:00 am. I arrived at 8:50 am. The parking lot was jam-packed with fancy-looking SUV's. My little Kia with the Another Family for Peace sticker kind of stuck out like a sore thumb. Oh well, I thought I knew what I was in for. I'd seen the other moms at the camp performances...you know the types. They wear cute sundresses and high-heeled flip-flops and designer sunglasses and they NEVER freakin' park where they're supposed to. They gossip with each other through the camp director's spiel before the kids sing, then they step right in front of you with their fancy-ass video camera so you always have half of them in all the pictures you take. When it's time to get in line to eat lunch, they RACE to the front of the line, take all the strawberries and watermelon and complain about the quality of everything else. It is not unheard of to hear them admonishing their kids for being dirty...AT NATURE CAMP. No, not every parent who's child attends camp is like this, but a lot of them are, no exaggeration.

So, anyway, this morning I thought I was prepared for the sight I'd see when I walked into registration. I was unapologetically unshowered, hair in a pony-tail, glasses on, travel mug of coffee in one hand and Dexter book in the other. I had my forms and check filled out, I grabbed my number from the guy at the door...81...and found a seat at a seat by a couple of women who did not look Desperate Housewife-ish. Then I took a look around...

My oh my. Perfect hair. Perfect nails. Perfect handbags. Large, expensive jewelry. There was a large gaggle of them taking up three tables in the middle of the room and you could tell they all knew each other...and one can only assume they called each other last night to plan their outfits. Perfect black yoga pants, perfect North Face pullover fleece sweatshirts in colors that complimented their nail color. Most of them wore perfect New Balance tennis shoes, but some of them were daring enough to have on perfectly cute flip-flops to show off their perfect pedicures, even though it was only about 45 degrees this morning.

The camp director started promptly at 9:00, telling us they'd be taking people in groups of ten. She gave a few brief instructions, then said, "Alright, numbers 1 through 10, come on up!" And one-third of those women at the three Desperate Housewives tables got up and into line. "11-20," and the next third got in line. "21 through 30," and the final third got up. As two of them rushed past my table, one said to the other, "This is chaos!" Her friend agreed, saying, "It's CRAZY chaos!" They must not have been familiar with the concept of waiting their turn. After they were safely registered FIRST, the rest of us peasants got to go. It was actually quite well-organized, no CRAZY chaos that I noticed, and even though I was number 81, I was home in less than an hour. And the first thing I asked Mr. EM was, "How come you didn't mention all the Desperate Housewives last year?!"

He hadn't noticed them! How does one not notice a gaggle of Stepford Wives in his midst?! Maybe it's a female thing...I have to admit a slightly morbid fascination with this particular breed of mom/wife. I grew up in a small Illinois town, we didn't have women like that there. Sure, there were the upper, middle and lower class families in town, and there were some moms who dressed better than others, but I don't recall the in-your-face display of it all. One of my best friend's was the daughter of an affluent family and I saw her mom in jeans and a t-shirt plenty of times. She cleaned her own house, shopped for bargains and expected her kids to have part-time jobs just like my mom did. It wasn't until Big M. started school near where this camp is that I came into contact with my first Suburban Housewives and it was a bit of a culture shock for me. All that perfection all the time...how do they stand it?!

Not for me, gentle readers. Not for Earth Muffin.

Breasts...the kind that feed babies, not the kind that offend people.

2011-03-07T12:26:00.000-06:00

About a month ago, we were invited to attend a birthday party for a friend's son at an indoor water park in a nearby town. We had a good time, it's a nice place. But...

The hosting couple have an eight month old baby. At one point during the afternoon that baby got hungry, fussy and tired. After exhausting all other forms of baby distraction, the mother decided to nurse the baby to soothe him. She was wearing a one-piece bathing suit that made her breasts easily accesible without having to un-do anything or take the straps off her shoulders. The baby is big enough and was anxious enough to nurse that he was covering up what little of her breast that was exposed. Women wearing bikinis were showing more skin than she was. But...

The pool supervisor came over and told her that she was "going to have to finish doing that in the bathroom". When she asked why, the supervisor said, "There are CHILDREN here!" When she said that she was aware that there were CHILDREN there, that her family and friends were responsible for fifteen of those children, the supervisor said, "We just really need you to finish doing 'that' in the bathroom." Not wanting to cause a scene and potentially ruin her oldest son's birthday, she chose to take the baby into the locker room and finish nursing him there.

(While all of this was going on, Mr. EM and I were out in the snack area with Little. M. We had no idea any of this had happened until after the fact. Had I been present when she was approached by that supervisor, the shit would have hit the fan.)

Mrs. Granola was appalled by this and approached the front desk. She explained what had happened to our friend and that Illinois law protects breastfeeding mothers and that it would be a good idea for the facility to look into their policies regarding public breastfeeding and, if necessary, change them to be in compliance with the law. The desk clerk stuttered and stammered and mumbled something about how they get "a lot of women in the pool who wear swimsuit bottoms and white t-shirts with nothing underneath them and that isn't appropriate". Mrs. Granola agreed that that doesn't seem like appropriate attire in a public pool, but that this was about harrassing a breastfeeding mother and had nothing to do with what anyone was wearing. The desk clerk was obviously freaked out, had never dealt with this kind of thing before and then asked, "Well, do we need to get the police up here?" Mrs. Granola talked her off the ledge, saying that wasn't necessary, our friend was willing to do what the supervisor had asked in order to keep the peace. However, this likely wouldn't be the last time the facility would have to deal with this, breastfeeding mothers are protected by law, and the facility should look into changing their policy. Since that day, all of us former and current breastfeeding mothers that were there have sent letters to the facility and the town's parks and rec department expressing our disappointment in the harrassment of our friend, along with a copy of Illinois' breastfeeding laws, and have asked for them to not only consider changing their policy (or develop a policy in the first place, because I suspect they didn't have one and just reacted on the fly that day), but to also make their facility a breastfeeding-friendly establishment by posting the International Breastfeeding Symbol on the door. This place not only has an indoor water park, but also has basketball courts and hosts a variety of exercise classes. A place that promotes healthy lifestyles should support breastfeeding, considering its many health benefits for both baby and mama.

No one that sent a letter has received a response yet. I don't know that we ever will. That bums me out. Everywhere we look women's breasts are exposed, on display, sexualized, stared at, talked about, and no one bats an eyelash. But one mom in a room of over a hundred people discreetly pushes aside the strap of her bathing suit to feed her baby and she's banished to a cold locker room in the name of "public decency". There is something very backwards about that.

"My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard." ~David Allen

I couldn't have said it better myself!

What exactly is it that you think I do?

2011-03-03T20:21:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. EM,

*sigh*

What do you think I do after work every day? You're home most days, you see me, you talk to me. One would assume that you are familiar with my routine, therefore being able to simulate said routine in my absence. Seriously, what do you think I do once I'm home for the day?

I needed your help today. I had to do the grocery shopping after work TODAY because we were out of pretty much everything, plus I needed to buy things for Big M.'s birthday party. This had to be done TODAY because we are booked solid for the entire weekend. When I asked you to pick up Little M. from school, I didn't just mean "pick up Little M. from school". It meant bring in the mail, empty lunch bags and wash the contents, check the boys' school folders and make sure they do their homework. These things are all part of the afternoon routine.

I guess it's my fault for not spelling out every. single. thing. that I hoped you would do while I was out. Sometimes I'm unsure of just how many instructions I should give you when I need you to take care of things that I normally do. I don't want to be "That Wife"...the naggy wife that makes honey-do lists and nit-picks every move her husband makes because he doesn't do things EXACTLY like she does...the Type A wife who makes a detailed list of every single move her husband should make when she's not home to take care of things. I'm not "That Wife" because I usually don't have to be because you're not "That Husband". You hold down the fort just fine when I'm not around, you pick up the slack when you see fit, you take care of business. Plus, you're not a fan of instructions...a honey-do list makes you feel hen-pecked. I understand this, so I left you to your own devices.

Which is why our kindergartener was doing homework at 7:30 tonight...and tomorrow's coffee wasn't ready yet...and your lunch dishes had been taken care of, but no one else's had...and the kids were snacking when I got home, even though you were in the midst of making dinner.

At least you got dinner taken care of.

*sigh*

Good thing you're hot.

Love,
Earth Muffin

The remains of the day...

2011-02-21T09:49:00.000-06:00

I posted recently that we had to put our dog to sleep. It was a sad event and still feels strange. The other night I was putting some shredded cheese on a casserole and spilled some on the floor. My first thought was, "No big deal, Reba will eat it." And then I realized that Reba is no longer here to do that. Sigh...we all find ourselves doing things like that every now and then.

Anyway, this isn't a post to make you sad, gentle readers. This post finds just a sliver of humor in our dog's passing...or, rather, in Little M.'s approach to it.

He was, of course, full of questions when we told him and his brother about putting Reba to sleep. When we had to have our cat put to sleep a few years ago, he was too young to understand what was going on. This time around, he understood the finality of it, but wanted to know all about the process. We took the recommended approach of answering his questions in a way that gives him just enough information. The thing is, he wanted a LOT of information.

"What does 'put to sleep' mean?"
"Well, what if I'm too loud and I wake her up?"
"But how does the animal doctor put her to sleep?"
"Does the shot hurt?"
"Then what does the animal doctor do with Reba?"
"What does 'cremate' mean?"
"Burn her how?"
"So, we're not going to bury her like Great-Grandma?"
"Ashes?"
"Then what will we do with them?"

This line of questioning went on for a couple of days and then just sort of petered out. Every so often we'd get an "I really miss Reba," or "I wish we had another dog," but for the most part, his fascination with the details surrounding Reba's death were over.

On Valentine's Day we had a message from the vet's office saying that her remains were there and we could pick them up at any convenient time.

(Side note: Do any of you find it weird that we pay the extra money to have our pets' remains? Not that I care if you do, I'm just curious. We don't display them or keep them around forever or anything. We take them to a place that particular animal loved to be and scatter them there.)

The vet's office is located very near the boys' school, so the following day after I picked up Little M. from his after-school day-care I told him, "We are going to stop by the animal doctor's office and pick up Reba's ashes." He said, "Yay! We're going to pick up Reba!" Crap...I thought he'd understood this. "No, buddy, we're not picking up REBA, we're picking up...". He cut me off there, he did understand. "I know, I know, Mom. We are picking up her ASHES. But it is REBA'S ashes, so we're picking up Reba, right?" Well, ok. I guess he had a point.

As we got out of the car, a young woman was getting out of her car with a beautiful, brindled pit bull puppy. The dog was very frisky and happy and SO EXCITED to see Little M. Little M. was enchanted with the puppy and stopped right there to pet the dog and accept his kisses. Then we went into the vet's office and I told the girl at the counter why we were there. While she went back to get our...uh..."stuff", Little M. charmed the pants off everyone in the waiting area.

There was someone there with one of those big poodles..."Oh, look, Mom! This dog is all curly! Look at her funny tail!" There was someone there with a little schnauzer wearing a green sweater..."Mom! Mom! Look at this dog! This dog is wearing clothes! Hahahahahahahahaha! That's funny! Dogs don't wear clothes! Why is your dog wearing a shirt? Hahahahahahaha! That's funny!" And then there was the guy sitting with his large chocolate lab.

Reba was a mix of Chow and black lab. She was short in stature, had a curled tail and a spotted tongue. That was the extent of her Chow features. For the most part she resembled a black labrador. So, Little M. felt a kinship with this chocolate lab owner and struck up a conversation.

"Oh, Mom. Look at this dog. This dog looks like Reba." I agreed.
"Your dog looks like Reba. Our dog looks like this." Sigh...no past tense in his words. The man smiled and nodded.
"Except your dog is BIG. Reba is not this big. Reba is small. And your dog is brown. Reba is a black dog. Reba is a girl dog. Is your dog a boy or a girl dog?" The man told Little M. that his dog was a boy.
"Oh. Reba is a girl and your dog is a boy. I like your dog. Your dog is nice. All of these dogs are nice dogs. Reba is nice too."

The waiting area at our vet's office is kind of small, so everyone witnessed this conversation and everyone was just enamored with my darling, friendly child and his love of dogs. They were smiling at him, giggling at him, "aw-ing" at him. They all thought he was just adorable and they were enjoying his entertainment while they waited for their appointment.

So, then the girl behind the counter came out with a non-descript white plastic bag and said, "Last Name? There you go." I took the bag from her and said, "Ok, buddy. Let's go home." He stopped fawning over the chocolate lab and stood up. Now, at this point, no one in that room knew what was in my bag. I was sensitive to the possibility that perhaps one of those people may have been there to put their dog to sleep, so I had whispered to the counter girl what I was there for and she had been discreet when handing it to me. For all they knew, we were picking up medication or flea prevention for a pet.

But, of course, Little M. asked to carry the bag out to the car. "Can I carry it, Mom? Can I?" I handed him the bag and we made our way to the door. He turned to his adoring fans, held up the bag and said, "Bye, everyone! We're going to take Reba home now!" And he SKIPPED out the door.

The feeling of pity from everyone in the room was palpable. And, really, what could I say or do to smooth over that moment? Nothing. So, I just followed him and Reba out the door and drove them home.

Happy Valentine's Day from Earth Muffin...even though this isn't really "Valentine-ish".

2011-02-14T17:07:00.000-06:00

"Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really." ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull

2011-02-03T09:06:00.000-06:00

Reba and Big M., 10 months old, 2001

With Big M. in our bed, 2004 (Took forever to break him of that thumb-sucking habit!)

Our own personal totem pole, 2006

Reba and Little M. enjoying a snuggle, 2007

Loving the new deck Mr. EM built just for her, 2008

Yes, Reba, Little M. is exhausting...2008

She and Big M. have shared this chair more times than I could ever think about counting, 2009

Always ready to accomodate Little M.'s snuggles...always. 2009

Rest in peace, Reba.

10/1/1995 - 2/3/2011

After 15+ years of living the good life, the time has come for our dear Reba to say good-bye. She has developed the worst case of arthritis our vet has ever seen and, at her age, there is simply nothing more he can do than put her out of her suffering. It is heart-breaking for all of us, but particularly for Mr. EM. He's had her since she was just a few weeks old, has known her longer than he's known me and has a bond with her I've never really seen between any other pet and owner. She's been a great pet, wonderful with the boys and fiercely protective of our family. She will be greatly missed.

(And much the boys' dismay, no, we are not getting a puppy.)

"Maybe I can't stop the downpour, but I will always, always join you for a walk in the rain."

2011-01-19T21:11:00.000-06:00

Dear K.,

We've been friends for over eight years now. When we met, it was friendship at first sight. Yes, we initially met for "business" reasons...I needed a baby-sitter for the summer, you needed some extra cash. However, it didn't take long for my pick-ups to turn into afternoons spent gabbing while our kids played together in the front yard. The business relationship continued for a couple of years, but the friendship was really the reason I kept coming around. You are a beautiful person, inside and out.

Little by little, as we grew closer, you revealed some details about your marriage. "I left him once for six months..." "I don't get why he doesn't trust me. He's the one that was sneaking around..." "He just doesn't understand how hard it is for me to constantly be worrying about money..." "His spontaneity is one of the reasons I fell in love with him, but we're older now and we have kids to consider..." These comments were always followed up with a cheerful "But what can you do? For better or for worse, right?" But it didn't take a genius to piece the details together and see that you didn't exactly pick a winner.

Time passed, fights occurred, a new baby came into your lives and so did more financial worries. Truth be told, your friends did not like your husband. At all. He was lazy, irresponsible, possessive, manipulative and a braggart. Although we didn't enjoy it, we did talk about you behind your back. "Why did she have another baby with him? Why did she come back to him after leaving that first time? Why doesn't she just leave? Doesn't she see how great she is and how awful he is?" None of us could or would say these things to your face. Seems to be in unwritten rule among many girlfriends..."be supportive to the point that she knows you'll have her back, but don't alienate her by insulting him too much." We just secretly waited for the day when you finally had enough and dumped his sorry ass.

And, finally, almost four years ago, that day came! I was shocked and thrilled beyond belief. I was willing to do anything to help you get out of that marriage, which ended up being not very much because, as it turned out, your family was just as ready for you to leave as I was and they did the lion's share of helping you move out. You were heartbroken, scared and, fortunately, pissed off. You finally saw him for what he was and you were angry at him for being that way and at yourself for tolerating it for so long. During a long phone call one night just after you'd left, you spilled your guts. Things were worse than any of your friends and family knew. It took everything I had not to march over to your former home and punch him in the face. Lucky for him it was satisfying enough just to hear that you were DONE, you were never going back.

You moved in with your parents, got your kids enrolled in school and day-care and started planning your future. You chose to pursue a career in nursing and you pursued it with gusto. Visits with you were few and far between, but they were wonderfully satisfying. You were happy, you were doing what you wanted to do, your kids were doing well. Your friends still talked about you behind your back, but the tone of the conversations was decidedly upbeat. "I'M SO FREAKIN' HAPPY FOR HER!!!!!!!!!" It was as if the K. we'd known before was a shell of the K. you'd become. You were glowing with happiness at your self-reliance.

Of course, our conversations always eventually turned to him. He did not take the break-up well. He tried every manipulative game in the book...remorse, anger, accusing, indifference, threats, self-pity. The one thing he never really did try was changing. Your reasons for leaving never really factored into the equation for him. He seemed to think that if you just came to your senses, you'd realize you wanted to be with him. You admitted that, yes, you did miss him. Yes, you did love him. Yes, you longed for your children to grow up in a secure, loving home with both their parents. But you knew that he didn't share that same desire...or, rather, he thought that's what you'd had together all along. He just didn't get it, and as sad as that made you, you were forced to admit to yourself that he was never going to be the man you hoped he would be. You started seeking closure.

You filed for legal separation, you demanded he comply with a custody agreement. You filed for divorce and started dating a little bit. In other, more crass words, you grew a pair! Again, you mourned the loss of your marriage, but you began to see a future for yourself that didn't include him as anything more that your kids' father. You finished nursing school, immediately got a job and bought a lovely house in a nice neighborhood. I saw you in July and you said he was still trying to talk you into a reconciliation, and you weren't sure how you felt about that. I saw you again in September and you'd decided it was time to finally cut him loose for good. You were tired of his unfulfilled promises of change. You were finally ready for it to all just be over.

So, now, may I just ask you this one question?

WHAT THE F&*K HAPPENED?

What changed between September and now? Why did you let him back into your life? Why is he LIVING with you again? Where did your guts/balls/chutzpah/whatever GO?!? How could you do this to yourself and your kids? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY????????

And it's not just the fact that you're back together that's so terrible. It's the fact that your friends have sat back and watched you pick up the pieces of your broken heart, slink back to your parents with your tail between your legs and then really go out and do something for yourself and your kids. YOU went back to school. YOU graduated with honors. YOU landed a good job immediately after graduation. YOU bought a house and turned it into a lovely home for your family. YOU have provided for yourself the money, benefits and security that you always wanted for yourself and your children. YOU DID IT ALL BY YOURSELF.

What did he do in the four years since you left? Let's see...he alternately sponged off his mom and sister. He sold the house and truck at a loss. He travelled a bit. He landed a great job with the power company and quit a few months later. He moved up the where you are in the name of "being closer to the kids". And what didn't he do? He DIDN'T help you financially with the kids. He DIDN'T give you the space you asked for on more than one occasion. He DIDN'T show up for court any time he was supposed to. He DIDN'T find and keep a secure job. Pretty much, he did nothing to show you that he was any different than he had been when you left in the first place.

I could tell how uncomfortable you were when you told me that he was living with you again. I understand that you've not found anyone that you're attracted to like you are to him. I understand that what you want more than anything is for your kids to have their dad in their lives. I understand that it's easy for me to pass judgement when I sit here married to a wonderful man who has always treated me like a queen and provided appropriately for me and our kids. I understand that in some relationships, intense feelings overpower any semblance of reason. I even understand what you said about him, "He is who he is. I just know that there are certain things about him that are never going to change." What I don't understand is why you would want to stay with him when you know that.

You are a smart, kind and beautiful person. You are a wonderful friend and one of the best mothers I've ever had the privilege to see in action. You have overcome many obstacles in your life and come out on the other side a stronger person. Why do you become so weak in his presence? What is this hold he has on you? I just can't wrap my head around it.

And so, when you told me about this new development, I sat quietly. I nodded my head at all the right times and I told you that if you were happy, then I would be happy for you. I know that you know I've got your back if/when things fall apart again. I hope that you know that I'm never going to like him and I'm barely going to be civil to him if I ever have to be around him again. I just can't do it. He doesn't deserve you, he knows it, he knows I know it and, deep down, you know that I know it.

Now it's just time to sit back and wait for the day when you finally know it.

I love you dear friend,
Earth Muffin

Little M. goes to a birthday party.

2011-01-11T14:34:00.000-06:00

Little M. recently attended his first "friend" birthday party. It was for one of his kindergarten classmates and was held at a local bowling alley on Sunday evening.

He's been to family birthday parties, he's been to a few of his brother's birthday parties, but he'd never attended a party for one of his friends. This was a Big Deal.

He brought the invitation home early last week...and two others just like it. When I asked why he had three invitations, he first asked me, "What's an inbitation?" Then I showed him the three little white envelopes and his reply was, "I don't know. R. told me to take them home so I did." (We're going to have issues with negative peer pressure when Little M. reaches middle school, methinks.) So, I called R.'s mom to RSVP and explained that Little M. had managed to take home three invitations, told her I'd send them back to school with a note for the teacher. Then I explained in more detail to Little M. what an "inbitation" is.

Me: "R.'s birthday is coming up and he's invited you to his birthday party!"
Little M.: "Oh! So, I get to go to his house?"
Me: "Well, no. The party is at the bowling alley. It's a bowling party."
Little M.: "Oh! And then we'll go to his house?"
Me: "No. The whole party is at the bowling alley."
Little M.: "But after the party we'll go to his house."
Me: *sigh*

In a way, I get his obsession with going to R.'s house. He sees his brother get invited to friends' houses for sleepovers, parties, afternoons, whatever. Little M. is not without a social life, we have friends with kids his age and he's been to their houses plenty of times. However, he has yet to go to a school friend's house to play. It just isn't part of his socializing yet and he's yearning for it. And trying to explain to him that he's still a little young for such socializing is like trying to talk to a wall.

I steered him away from the whole going-to-R's-house thing by talking about the actual party. Big M. had a bowling party last year that Little M. attended, so I focused on how much fun that was. The coversation ended with him being pretty excited about the party, so we posted the invitation on our bulletin board and counted how many days we had until the party.

The next morning he woke up and said, "Mommy! Only 12 more days until your birthday!" And then he burst into tears. Why? "But I can't remember how many days until R.'s party! I can't remember both of those things!" *sigh* We decided that he should just focus on counting down the days until the party and after that he could count down to my birthday. Such a sweet boy...but SUCH a worrywort sometimes! That afternoon he came home from school and asked to look at the invitation. He carried it off to another room and was gone for a little while. Then he-who-cannot-actually-read-yet returned to the kitchen to show me something.

Little M.: "See, Mom. Right here, it says Come To R.'s House For a Party."
Me: "No, sweetie. That says Bowl Haven, 5:00-7:00 pm."
Little M.: "No, Mom. AFTER that it says Come to R.'s House."
Me: *sigh* "Little M., if you'd like to play with R. at his house sometime, we can talk to his mom about that. But you need to understand that on Sunday we will ONLY be going to the bowling alley. That's all. The party is ONLY at the bowling alley. Do you understand?"
Little M.: *sniffle* "Ok."

Friday afternoon I picked him up from school. Usually he comes racing up to me, gives me a big hug and immediately starts chattering about how "awesome" his day was. However, that day, he trudged across the gym with his head down. I asked the adult in charge if he'd been in trouble. She said no, he'd been fine the whole time. I asked what was wrong.

Little M.: "I can't go to R.'s party."
Me: "Why not?"
Little M.: "Because he had it today. His mom brought cupcakes and juice boxes to our class. That was the party." He was truly distraught, thinking the bowling party was not to be.

At that moment, it finally dawned on me that Little M. is simply ignorant of how birthdays can and often do work once a kid reaches elementary school. In preschool plenty of his classmates had birthdays and brought treats to school to celebrate, he was one of them. But none of them had parties outside of school that the whole class attended. We are not big pomp-and-circumstance parents when it comes to their birthdays. We do send treats to school, we have a small family party with the grandparents. As Big M. has gotten older, we've hosted a few parties, but never invited the whole class. Instead, we've called the parents of his closest 3-4 friends individually and kept the parties rather low-key. This is new territory for Little M. and he was very confused as to how to navigate it.

So, in the car, I explained what was going down. The treats at school were just a small celebration, but the party at the bowling alley was the "real" party. It was still going to happen and it was going to be a lot of fun. If he had any questions, he could just ask, and I'd answer them as best as I could.

Little M.: "Mom? I have a question about the party."
Me: "Ok, shoot."
Little M.: "How many seconds until it starts?"

Oh, my.

We discussed that since the party was still two days away, it would be a bit much to count the seconds right then. Instead, we needed to think about what kind of gift R. would like. So, I stupidly asked, "What toys do you have that you think R. would like?"

Little M.: "I have to give him one of my toys to go to the party?"

*sigh* I don't know what I was thinking, wording my question like that. My intention was to get some ideas, and then hopefully get something for R. that Little M. already had so as to avoid buying something that he'd want to keep for himself. Totally blew up in my face. Live and learn, Earth Muffin.

Scenarios similar to this popped up all weekend long and by Sunday morning, Mr. EM and I were ready for this freakin' party to just be OVER already. Finally, 4:45 on Sunday evening arrived and we grabbed the Spiderman gift bag and headed to the bowling alley.

All in all, it was a lovely and well-organized affair. There were 19 (choke!) kindergartners bowling, eating pizza and cake, and wreaking general havoc. R.'s poor mom looked like she needed a drink by the time it was over...and turns out she could have gotten one. One couple that brought their little one to the party grabbed a table and threw back a pitcher of beer instead of helping the kids bowl. Classy, no?

Bottom line, Little M. had fun and now he knows what to expect next time he gets invited to a party. As long as it's a bowling party...heaven help me when he gets invited to his first sleepover.

The morning routine

2011-01-08T19:05:00.000-06:00

Most households have some kind of morning routine, at least for the weekdays. Ours is no different. Monday through Friday roughly the same things happen at the same time. This is a rough sketch of my morning routine:

Use toilet, brush teeth, get shower things together, make lunch for self and at least one kid, help Little M. get dressed and make him breakfast, check email, pour coffee, get in shower, say good-bye to the kids, dry hair and get dressed, eat breakfast, wash breakfast dishes, leave for work.

Mr. EM is not a fan of routines as a general rule. He finds them stifling. He sees the usefulness of them, particularly where children are involved. He'll even follow one where the children are involved. But to have his own routine? Where he follows a pattern of activity each morning? No. He does not. He would say he does...but, trust me, he does not.

And it's annoying.

Yes, he wakes up at the same time every morning. Yes, he uses the toilet and brushes his teeth right after waking up. And then right after that he gets on the computer while waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. Right around that time is where the whole "routine" thing falls apart.

It varies day by day how long he stays on the computer, it all depends on how much email he has and how many arguments he got into with his dad and sister on Facebook the night before. After checking email and quickly trolling his favorite news websites and Facebook, he starts making his lunch...but he almost never finishes at that time. Usually he just leaves everything sitting out on the counter to finish later. Then he goes and gets dressed in front of the TV so he can watch local news. By this time I'm coming downstairs to start on my own lunch and lunch for at least Little M., sometimes for both boys.

This is where things get annoying...not just for me. He finds this little kitchen traffic jam as annoying as I do, he just doesn't realize that he's the reason for the congestion.

So he leaves a partially prepared lunch spread out all over our counter. I have to move things out of my way to get started preparing my own and at least one kid's lunch. That's when he returns to the kitchen and suddenly can't find anything because I'm "always moving shit around". He finishes putting his lunch together and then starts on his breakfast. It NEVER fails that no matter what cabinet I need to be in, he's standing in front of it. And if I need to get into the pantry or the refrigerator, guess who's there first? It's like we're performing a really crabby, sucky dance routine every single morning. And neither of us are morning people, so we don't speak to each other much at all during this whole thing, nor do we find it the slightest bit amusing.

After I finally get to finish up lunches, I get on the computer for a few minutes while waiting for Big M. to get out of the bathroom. During this time Mr. EM can be found either eating his breakfast, putting on his shoes, running to the basement or upstairs or out to the shed or his truck for something he forgot the night before, standing in front of the bookshelf trying to find something to read, or any other variety of places in our house except for one.

The one place I guarantee you he will NOT be is in the bathroom putting in his contacts and putting on his deodorant. I know he won't be there because he waits until I'm in there getting ready to shower. Our bathroom is just slightly bigger than a phone booth, but he seems to think the best time for him to be in there is while I'm getting the water running, putting my towel and other things on the counter and hanging my robe on the hook. The dancing around each other is even more awkward in the bathroom because space is so limited.

Now, he's no more entertained by these morning kitchen/bathroom traffic jams than I am. I know this because of his heavy sighing every time we run into each other. I think I like it best when he almost runs into me, then backs up with his hands in the air, like I'm some kind of bulldozer he's afraid will mow him down if he doesn't back off. However, he doesn't seem to think he has any ownership in the traffic jams. A couple of times this school year he has said, "We really need to figure out a way to stay out of each other's way in the morning."

I've tried to explain that if he would finish making his lunch before getting dressed, he'd be finishing it up just as I'm ready to start. Then we would not have to be in our large-but-poorly-laid-out kitchen-with-almost-no-counter-space at the same time. Once I was finished making lunches, I'd be getting on the computer just as he's ready to fix his breakfast. There would be a nice consistent flow of traffic coming in and out of the kitchen with little-to-no congestion. I've also tried to explain that if he could either take care of his contacts and deodorant at the same time that he brushes his teeth or wait to do it until I'm actually in the shower, that would ease up the traffic in the bathroom. He doesn't see it that way.

Instead, he seems to think that the problem will be solved if he wakes up earlier. And see, the flaw in that plan is this...THAT JUST GIVES HIM MORE TIME TO SCREW AROUND ON THE STUPID COMPUTER WHICH IS THE ROOT OF THIS WHOLE PROBLEM TO BEGIN WITH!!!

He disagrees. No, that's not it. He doesn't spent that much time on there. Um, yes. Yes, he does. And I tried to explain that I'm not saying he shouldn't get on the computer at all. I'm just saying that maybe he should get all of his other stuff done first. Maybe if he did, that would allow him even a little more computer time. I'm even willing to wait until he's left for work to get on myself. I have a good bit of time to myself after he and the boys have left anyway, so that would work out nicely for both of us. Again, he disagrees.

Ironically, the boys have nothing to do with all this morning craziness. They both have their routines and they stick to them and neither of them are in our way at all. Sometimes Little M. stands in the kitchen and chats with us while I try to navigate my way through making his breakfast. We really don't see much of Big M. at all until he's dressed and eating his own breakfast. This whole fiasco is caused by the adults in the house.

Or, shall I say, ONE adult in the house. Because, seriously, I don't think I'm the problem. I do the same thing at the same time every single day, nice and predictable. He's the one who won't commit to a routine. He's the one standing in front of the pantry when I need the Goldfish crackers or standing in front of the cabinet with all the Tupperware in it or standing in front of the fridge when I need the carrots or standing at the bathroom sink when I need to squeeze past him to turn on the hot water.

But never at the same time every day...if he did these things predictably, I could avoid him. Instead, I never know where he's going to be so I just do what I have to and hope I don't run into him.

Which almost never happens.

WTF?!?

So, tell me, gentle readers. What are work/school day mornings like at your house? And, before you go, enjoy one of my favorite morning routines, courtesy of the cutest serial killer ever...

The iPod shuffle, Maria-style

2011-01-03T19:19:00.000-06:00

Just having a little fun with this and humoring Maria in the process...putting my iPod on shuffle and answering these all-important, life-or-death questions.

And away we go...

1) What will your partner say over and over to you in bed this year?

Redemption Song, Bob Marley

Ok, that's a little weird.

2) What do your co-workers think about you this year?

She Smiled Sweetly, Billy Bragg

Well, some of them may say that. Others, not so much maybe.

3) What will run through your mind over and over this year?

Bad Luck Blue Eyes Good-bye, Black Crowes

Hmmm, well, I'd be thrilled to say good-bye to any bad luck, but Mr. EM is my favorite blue-eyed person and he's not going anywhere...at least not without me!

4) What will be the best part of the new year for you?

Come Out and Play (Keep 'Em Separated), The Offspring

Playing with my kids likely will be the best part of any year for me. And, yes, sometimes it's just better if I keep them separated...

5) What will be the worst part of the new year for you?

So What'cha Want, Beastie Boys

Not much of a premonition there, huh?

6) What does your best friend really think about you this year?

The Sun Is Shining Down, JJ Grey and Mofro

Aw, I kind of like that one! I hope my closest friends think of sunshine when they think of me.

7) Name 7 important people in your life and this will be your theme song with them this year?

1) Mr. EM: Sinister Kid, The Black Keys...as in that's what we create together?

2) Big M.: On the Road Again, Bob Dylan...Ah, the never-ending job of driving him around to his various activities and friends' houses.

3) Little M.: Setting Forth, Eddie Vedder...This seems fitting, setting forth into elementary school, into the land of the Big Kids.

4) My brother: Boy with the Thorn in His Side, The Smiths...Yeah, what-the-hell-ever. My dad describes my brother best, "He's the kind of person who can fall butt first into a pile of shit and come up smelling like roses." Hey, a "thorn" reference! Ok, this is fitting!

5) My parents: Real Live Bleeding Fingers and Broken Guitar Strings, Lucinda Williams...um, yeah...no, this does not pertain to them at all.

6) Earthy Birthy Mama: Ten Thousand Islands, JJ Grey and Mofro...well, how can I pertain this song to her? Her husband is in the Navy, maybe he's visited or will visit 10,000 islands? Maybe she'd like to someday see 10,000 islands? I don't know.

7) Baker: Gettin' Jiggy Wit It, Will Smith...lol, that's just funny. Don't know why, but it is.

8) What is your health going to be like this year?

Big River, Johnny Cash

Well, I live 6 blocks away from the river he's referring to in this song. There's a bike trail along it that I should probably visit way more often. And, no, I'm not going to swim in the Muddy Mississippi, so don't suggest it.

9) What is the best sentence to sum up your romantic life this year?

The Beast, Concrete Blonde

A sample of this song's lyrics, "Love is a ghost, parting your hair. Love is the killer you thought was your friend. Love is the teacher who lives in the dark, sneak up and stick you and painfully pick you apart." A bit disturbing that this song came up for this particular question, no?

10) And finally, what is the best sentence to sum up your life in general this year?

Rain, Madonna

Well, that's that, I guess.

Go to your iPod, phone, whatever and put it on random play. Now, tell me what song appears to describe your year. Don't be a chicken butt, tell the truth.

This is not a post about resolutions.

2011-01-02T21:14:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year from all of us here in the Land of Earth Muffin! I hope everyone had a fun and safe New Year's and that 2011 brings joy to you and yours. We spent our evening at the Granola's house, our usual New Year's Eve to-do. It was fine, lots of kids running around and too much junk food. We all stayed up late and slept in the next morning. For a family with young kids, that was A-ok with me!

Do y'all do resolutions?

I'm reluctant to make any. They seem to be designed to fail. When I do make them, I do just fine through January, pretty well through February, then something inevitably happens that causes me to fall apart...I get sick, one of the kids gets sick, some stuff-your-face social occasion comes up or work gets stressful and in response I fall of whatever healthy-resolution-wagon I'm on. Then I feel like crap for breaking my resolution and get down on myself and that's that. It seems that this happens to a lot of folks when it comes to resolutions. People need flexibility when they try to make lifestyle changes and resolutions seem so...resolute.

So, I'm just going to keep doing what I was doing before the holidays. Remember how I said Mr. EM and I had started the South Beach Diet? Well, that actually went pretty well for us! We both lost 20 lbs. in about 2 months time. I went down 2 jeans sizes! People who haven't seen us in a while give us the whole, "Wow! You look great!" thing, then try to back-pedal and tell us we always look great, but now we look even better kind of thing, because they don't to sound rude, like "You were such a cow before but now you look hot". To be honest, I don't mind the somewhat left-handed compliments. I knew I was overweight before and I know I look much better now. I appreciate the compliments because they give me incentive to keep it going. Plus, no matter how the compliments sounded, they were given out by well-intentioned friends and family who really were trying to be encouraging.

Starting at Thanksgining and continuing until now, all bets were pretty much off for the diet though. Not every single day, of course. On any given, normal day we both ate pretty moderately. I didn't keep junk food in the house, didn't buy us any at the store. However, if we were given something delicious, we ate it. If something decadent and wonderful was sitting out at work, we ate it. The holidays are stressful enough without adding food guilt to the mix. When I was cooking, we ate healthy. When we were out and about, we did not. That was simply that. I don't know how much weight I've put back on, but it's not much. All my "skinny" clothes still fit, so I didn't do too much damage. Mr. EM still looks fantastically skinny-hot, so he must not have either.

Now, aside from my birthday in a couple weeks, we have nothing going on to tempt us, no big family gatherings until Easter and no major social occasions until late February, and that is only one night. I went shopping this weekend and stocked the house chock-full of healthy breakfast, lunch and snack choices. The meals I've planned for the week came out of either our South Beach cookbook or a vegetarian cookbook that is geared for busy families...lots and lots of fresh veggies and lean soy proteins, very few carbs and almost no sugar. I even got Mr. EM and I a couple of "treats" that are SB friendly, sugar-free chocolate pudding and fudge pops. They won't compare to the mountains of holiday cookies, candies and pies we've been consuming, but we learned once before that they are a decent enough substitute when we've been denying ourselves. I've got a couple of summer dresses in my closet from my pre-baby days that I held onto hoping against hope that someday I'd get back into them. One already fits again, the other is this close. It's all about incentive, folks. It will thrill me to no end to head out on a date night with Mr. EM sometime this June wearing one of those dresses. Thrill me to the point that I just might have post a picture of myself wearing one of them on here...and I never do stuff like that!

And so, that's how we're doing 2011 here. No resolutions, just picking ourselves up, dusting the sugar from our faces and hopping back on the South Beach train. It is also my hope to show a little more patience toward Big M. and his surly-pre-adolescent attitude...but that's another post for another time.

Tell me what you do to ring in the new year, in terms of resolutions/lifestyle changes. I'm interested.

Happy holidays from the Earth Muffin clan: a pictorial essay

2010-12-31T15:36:00.000-06:00

Little M. trimming the tree in his festive tie-dye jammies.

Our holiday card photo, showing off our Gator pride...CHOMP, CHOMP!

Enjoying their early gift from Auntie Jill, a popcorn ball decorating kit. The perfect distraction on our first snow day of the season!

Big M.'s first band concert...play that funky music, white boy!

My winter break started earlier than the boys', so I got to attend Little M.'s kindergarten party.

Our holiday loot from MIL, to say she goes overboard would be a gross understatement. More on all of this, and the fact that she cancelled her visit, in a later post.

Big M. and his Axe...not sure what smells worse: 10 year old boy or 10 year old boy doused in Axe. At least he's concerned about his hygiene.

Unbridled holiday joy!

My own little sweatshop for making holiday cookies...

These weather conditions, coupled with Little M.'s illness, prevented us from being with family on Christmas Eve...which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps more on that later as well.

Marla was more than a little freaked out by the holidays, the tree was alternately loved and loathed. She's kind of weird.

Big M. giving new meaning to the phrase "rockin' around the Christmas tree". That's a guitar string bracelet on his wrist and his favorite band's tee on his body.

New shirt, new shoes, new watch, new blocks = happy boy!

I've made it a tradition to get my brother a new novelty t-shirt each holiday. This year's was by far the best.

Apparently, this has become a tradition as well...uncle and nephews making stupid faces. It's pretty easy for him to regress down to their level any time he sees them. BTW, he and The Saint are no longer together. Perhaps more on that later too...*sigh*

A surprise gift specifically from my dad...I hope they don't shoot their eyes out.

And so, that's how things went down around here in December. I hope you and yours had a lovely holiday. Happy New Year to all and to all a peaceful and prosperous 2011!

A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. ~Franklin P. Jones

2010-12-16T12:03:00.000-06:00

My teaching assistant is a nice lady. She's pushing 50, divorced, and has been dating a guy for several years. Their favorite hobby is motorcycle riding...Harley riding, to be more specific.

(If you don't know the difference, you've never been on a Harley. I'm not a biker babe/bitch by any means, but I've ridden on a motorcycle and I've ridden on a Harley. There IS a difference.)

Anyhoo, she and her boyfriend love to ride. She is not at all what one would consider a "biker" lady. She does not wear a bunch of leather, does not have tattooes covering her body, does not have a spiky mullet haircut, does not adorn herself with all things Harley-Davidson related. To look at her, she's a pretty normal lady, she wears casual-nice clothes. She has a Harley bracelet she wears occasionally and she has a Harley jacket she wears during the fall, though you have to be looking for the little "H-D" logo to know it's a Harley jacket. She does, however, like to collect Harley-Davidson t-shirts from various places, as many Harley riders like to do. My mother-in-law was the same way for a long time.

Which is why, when thinking about what to get my assistant as a Christmas gift, I thought it would be a good idea to ask my MIL to pick her up a Harley t-shirt from the shop in the town where she lives. My assistant has never been there, didn't even know there was a Harley shop there. I thought that would be a nice addition to her collection and I trusted my MIL to pick out something appropriate. Our conversation went as follows...

Me: "Something really simple, she's not a flashy lady. No skulls, no flames, no half-naked women, no flags, really no pictures at all. Just a simple grey or black with just Harley-Davidson printed on it and the name and city of the shop on the back."

MIL: "So, basically, if I would wear it, it'll be ok?"

Me: "Yes, that would be great. You and S. have very similar taste in clothes." (And they do, I swear. If S. walked into MIL's house today and opened her closet, she'd likely find plenty of stuff she'd be willing to wear. Which is why I cannot figure out how this whole scenario went so wrong...)

MIL: "Oh, sure. I can find something like that. I'll go to the shop later this week and get it in the mail to you by the weekend."

Me: "Thanks!!!" (And I gleefully checked my assistant off my holiday shopping list!)

The following weekend, MIL calls to tell me she just put the shirt in the mail. And then she tells me this...

"I hope your friend likes it. I had a hard time picking something out. All the regularly-priced shirts were so expensive that I had to get something off the clearance rack. It's a summer top, a tank top, actually. It's red. And, well, it's a little flashy, but I like it, so I hope your friend will too. If she doesn't, I'll just keep it. I think it's kind of cute."

Uh-oh.

Well, I wasn't bothered by the fact that it was a tank top. S. and her boyfriend actually do the bulk of their riding in the summer and I know she wears a lot of tank tops. I wasn't bothered by the fact that it was red. S. does wear red sometimes and it's a good color on her. It was the "a little flashy" thing that had me concerned, but I figured if MIL liked it, thought it was "kind of cute", then hopefully S. would too.

I was wrong. At least I think I was, because I am SO not giving this shirt to S. as a gift. I plan to take it into work to show it to her, providing her with a good laugh and a glimpse into what it's like to be related to MIL, but I wouldn't give this to her as an actual gift in a million years!

Take a gander, gentle readers...

Why yes, those are silver SPARKLES you see. How observant of you!

When the shirt came in the mail, I was almost afraid to open it. Mr. EM couldn't wait. "Let's see what Mom picked out!" He gleefully tore open the package with his back to me and started laughing. "Oh, sweetie. S. is going to be, um, overwhelmed by your generosity!" He turned around and showed me this bedazzled monstrosity.

What I don't get is how we got from this...

"Just a simple grey or black with just Harley-Davidson printed on it and the name and city of the shop on the back"

To this...

A few days after the shirt arrived, Mr. EM had a chiropractor appointment. S. sees the same guy and was in the waiting room when he got there. When he got home, he asked me, "Do you remember what S. was wearing today?" I didn't really, so much crap happens at work through the course of my day that I barely register that she's actually dressed, let alone what she's dressed in. He said, "She had on plain black pants and a plain tan sweater over a plain white button-down shirt." It is odd for him notice that much about someone's clothes, but the reason he did was because he made a point to. He was trying to picture her in that shirt and just couldn't. At that point, I had yet to inform MIL that the shirt was not going to make a good gift for S.

And then she called.

Mr. EM answered the phone, thank goodness. The first words out of her mouth were, "I haven't heard from Earth Muffin about whether the shirt came." He handled it tactfully, "Yeah, it came, Mom. It's just not going to work out as a gift. S. dresses really plainly. That shirt is way too flashy for her." MIL was disappointed, apologized, and said that everything in the shop was so expensive she just didn't know what to do, so she just picked something out.

Sigh.

It's really sweet of her to feel like she's on a do-or-die mission for me, but it would have been better if she'd just called me and told me she couldn't find anything. Because she then proceeded to tell Mr. EM that she'd "go ahead and keep it" because she couldn't take it back because it was a clearance item. So, I'm guessing that she doesn't really dig it that much either, but felt like she HAD to buy me something. My plan is to just give it back to her in the box she sent it in with a check for the price of the shirt and the postage she paid to mail it down here. I might even just put it right back in the mail to her because if I try to give it to her when she visits next week, she will not accept the check.

Yep, that's what I'll do. And then I'll never, ever, ever, ever ask her to shop for me again. Once bitten twice shy, my friends.

2 posts in one week? Earth Muffin, what has gotten into you?!

2010-12-15T20:40:00.000-06:00

Little M. is a hoot and half and I wanted to share it with my gentle readers...that's what's gotten into me!

* We went out to dinner on Saturday to celebrate Mr. EM's birthday. We're sitting at the table just chatting and Little M. said something kind of dumb...I cannot for the life of me remember what it was he said, but I turned to Mr. EM and said, "Oh, isn't that cute? Little M. just had his first blonde moment!" Big M., who is a natural blonde, took offense and said, "So, what? You guys think I'm stupid because I'm blonde?" Little M. shouted for all the restaurant to hear, "Big M.'s not blonde. He can see!" I turned to Mr. EM and said, "Look at that, 2 blonde moments in one night. He's gifted!"

* A few weeks ago, Big M. had to watch "The Movie" at school...you know, the puberty movie. On the way home that afternoon, he said, "That puberty movie they made us watch was gross." Little M. piped up from the backseat, "What's puberting?" I told him that puberty was a time in your life when your body started growing and changing. He said, "Oh, well, I'm puberting right now!" What could I say? "Yes, you are, buddy. Yes, you are."

Enjoy the cuteness, my friends...

Grrr...

2010-12-14T20:19:00.000-06:00

I am in a lousy mood. It's been building over the last couple of days, it fades away every so often, then it comes back. There are a few contributing factors...

1. I have a student that is really getting under my skin these days. He. Never. Shuts. Up. And he doesn't care about anything. There is no reward enticing enough, no consequence unpleasant enough. He simply does not care. He asks for ISS, he laughs his way through lunch detentions, he makes fun of the rest of the class when they earn a reward he didn't. And he smells. Bad. Like put-dirty-hippies-to-shame bad. Like homeless person bad, except he's not homeless. He's the kind of student who stumps me at every turn, the kind of kid I'm never one step ahead of, no matter how hard I try to be. That makes me feel like I'm not so hot at my job and I hate feeling that way. Oh, and he has really good attendance, so there's never a break from him. *sigh*

2. Big M. is a bear to deal with lately. He appears to be approaching that know-it-all phase of early adolescence and, quite honestly, there are times when I'd like to smack his smart mouth right off his cute face. Always with the arguing and the negotiating and the questioning and the attitude, my god the ATTITUDE. Nothing is ever just easy-peasy with him any more. Everything has to be a challenge or an argument. Over the last few years he's gone through phases of this, but they've always ended up kind of fading away and he's been back to his sweet, weird self. Now the sweetness is the phase and this 2-headed monster is what we normally get when he wakes up every morning. It's a hard thing for me to come home to every night after dealing with Smelly McTalksalot all day long.

3. Mr. EM hasn't done a thing to help with the holidays around here this year. Over the past 2 weekends I have baked 11 loaves of bread. I bought, filled out, addressed and mailed the cards. I took the kids shopping for their ornaments and candy canes, then spent an afternoon trimming the tree with them. I will be finishing up the shopping next week. He brought the decorations upstairs and ordered a few things online. Whoop-de-doo. And please don't suggest that I ask him for help because that simply isn't an option. This is just one of our "things" as a couple...the holidays are not his thing, but I enjoy them. If I want to have Christmas, I have to do it myself. Ordinarily, I'm fine with it. Tonight? I'm just not.

4. Speaking of Mr. EM, he had a birthday this weekend. I had a nice gift planned and I was determined NOT to get sick this year. For the past 3 years I have been sick on his birthday. Early last week the tickle in the throat, the fatigue, the runny nose all started in. I immediately started on Zicam and went to bed early every night. It worked! I got rid of the bug before the bug got me and was feeling just fine on his birthday...until my period started...four days early...with cramps. WTF? This coming on the heels of last month when it also started 4 days early, which just happened to be the night BEFORE he returned home from his trip to Florida...with cramps. All my life I was a "clockwork" kind of girl when it came to my cycle, 29 days on the dot. I could have set my watch to it. Ever since Little M. was born, I never know when it'll come. I'm a planner, so this does not sit well with me.

5. I made a nice dinner tonight. A rice and veggie dish with some fake "chicken" in it. While I cooked, Mr. EM was out helping a friend with his car and the kids were upstairs playing together. I played music and cooked and it was nice and quiet. Mr. EM got home and we called the kids downstairs and they immediately started in on the food. "What is this? Have we ever had this before? I don't like this kind of soy stuff. Do I have to eat it? Do I have to eat all of it? How much do I have to eat to get dessert? Milk? Why not juice?" Then they started in on wanted to sit in front of the TV to eat, which I almost never let them do. "Why not? Come on. PLLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSE???????" It just totally negated the peaceful feeling I had while preparing this good, healthy meal for my family. Made me feel more than a little underappreciated...even though Mr. EM was heavy on the compliments and got a second helping.

It's just a bummer time around the Land of Earth Muffin these days. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me. I'm trying to think positively, and I'm also trying not to bite the heads off of all the people I come into contact with on a daily basis. Hence the venting.

Thanks for being there, gentle readers. As a reward, I present to you a photo of something that makes me very happy every time I look at it...

That, my friends, is a bright orange rotary phone!!! It was in my grandparents' basement for as long as I can remember and now it hangs in my kitchen. AND IT WORKS!!!!!!!! (after a little wire manipulation from Mr. EM.) It still has their phone number printed on the center of the dial and it makes the lovliest "rrrriiiinnnngggg" sound. It just made my day when my dad brought it over here for me. I had told him last year after Grandma passed away that I wanted it if no one else had claimed it, but then I kind of forgot about it. And now, here it is! Cool, huh?!

I am...

2010-11-23T17:17:00.003-06:00

I am healthy and strong, capable of doing everything that I want to do when I want to do it. I don't have to take daily medications and I only see doctors for check-ups.

I am a daughter, sister, niece and cousin to a very large, loud and loving family. Holidays are crowded and hot and noisy and sometimes just a bit too much, but we love and support each other in a way that makes me feel very secure. I wouldn't trade a single one of them for anything.

I am a granddaughter who was fortunate enough to grow up living in the same town with all four grandparents. They all lived until I was well into college and the last one just passed on last year, when I was 37. That is a long time to have one's grandparents around and I did not take that fact for granted.

I am a teacher. Being a public school teacher means that I am also a nurse, parent, counselor, coach, cook, laundress and drill sergeant...sometimes all at the same time. I am both frustrated and thrilled by what I do. I am tough most of the time, but soft when I need to be. I am challenged by my work. I am surrounded by people who are passionate and dedicated and I know they have my back.

I am a homeowner. Our house is old and sometimes seems as though it is falling apart around us. It is expensive to maintain. It is also warm and the perfect size for our family. It is the place where my husband proposed to me, where he carried me over the threshold on our wedding day, where we conceived our children and where they took their first steps. It isn't perfect, but it is home.

I am a part-time actress as a hobby. I'm not Broadway-bound by any means, but I have decent comedic timing and I'm not afraid to take risks when in character. I have played a divorcee, a maid, a daughter, a fiancee, a career woman, a nurse, a bimbo, a spinster, a wife and a mother. The bimbo was the most fun, in case you were wondering.

I am proud to call a few strong, sweet and sassy women my best friends. Their support empowers me. Their laughter feeds my soul.

I am a happily married woman. My husband is gentle and kind and handsome. He makes me feel beautiful and safe and loved. I had no idea the power of love until I found it in his eyes and his hands and his words.

I am a mother of two boys. My day-to-day life is filled with Hot Wheels cars, Spiderman, skateboards, and skull-emblazoned clothing. We have fish named Patton and Goldfire. I know more about Shaun White and Tony Hawk and G.I. Joe than I'll ever know about Hannah Montana or Barbie or Polly Pocket. Yes, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a girl. No, we won't be trying "just one more time". We are a complete family and we are happy.

I am thankful.

"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude." -E.P. Powell

Something's (someone's) missing.

2010-11-14T16:51:00.002-06:00

The M.'s and I just dropped Mr. EM off at the airport. He's flying to Orlando this evening and will be back on Thursday.

*sigh*

He's not going to be having much fun there. His grandma is very ill, colon cancer, and doesn't have a lot of time left. He felt his vacation time would be better spent seeing her while she's still alive, rather than flying down there for a funeral. I agree. So, we found him a cheap flight and away he's gone.

(I could totally go on for days about how most of his family is reacting to Grandma's illness, but I won't. Not now. That's another post for another time. Suffice it to say that what she wants does not factor into the equation.)

Little M. took it hard. This is the first time that he's aware of one of us not being around for longer than 2 nights at one time. I flew to California when he was 2, but he doesn't remember that. The novelty of being in a bustling airport wore off pretty quickly when he started into thinking why we were there. He's in a bit of a funk right now. We're going to make a little calendar to chronicle his trip, so that Little M. can cross off each day before he goes to bed. He liked that idea and I'm hoping it'll help him cope.

I'm bumming myself. I love a little time to myself, but 4 days is a bit more than I care for. I don't know how full-time single moms and spouses whose partners travel regularly for work do it. I've spent the last few days scheduling each moment the boys aren't in school in my head so I don't forget to do anything or drop the ball on any of our normal weekly activities. And not just that...Mr. EM and I truly enjoy each other's company. I just plain miss him already and it makes me feel like a bit of a sissy because, if all went according to plan, he's just now getting on the plane. WTH, Earth Muffin?

I know, I know...I know. It's 4 stupid days. It'll pass by in a flash, especially with work and school to keep us busy. He's going to call every night and we both took Friday off work so we could spend the whole day together.

I just miss him. Ok?

Shut up.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T08:31:00.002-05:00

Halloween wraps fear in innocence,
As though it were a slightly sour sweet.
Let terror, then, be turned into a treat...
~Nicholas Gordon

Rock Concert Etiquette

2010-10-24T10:56:00.003-05:00

Last weekend Mr. EM and I went to Chicago to see JJ Grey and Mofro play at the House of Blues. Fabulous!!!

At times during the show, I was annoyed by some of the people in our general area, as will happen when one is part of a very large group of people, particularly when alcohol is around. Mr. EM and I would find ourselves rolling our eyes at each other or staring at people in amazement at their silly/obnoxious/rude behavior. On our walk back to the hotel after the show, I mused that someone should write a book on concert etiquette. Thinking about it now, a book really isn't necessary. There isn't that much to behaving appropriately at a rock concert. A simple list of simple rules should suffice:

1. You want some pictures of you and your friends, documenting your night out together? Fine. Take them BEFORE the band hits the stage. Smile pretty, couple up, hold up your drinks, make silly faces and gestures, crowd out the people around you as you try to fit everyone in the frame...just get it all done BEFORE the show starts. After that, STOP IT. Just STOP IT. The people around you came to see a concert, not to watch a photo-shoot of you and your friends. And not a single one of us is amused by having our view of the band blocked by your group lining up in front of us and holding up your drinks. While you're at it, before the show, decide on one person to be the sole photographer. That person can then either email you all the pictures or tag you in their Facebook album. You're all getting pretty much the same pictures anyway and it would be much less annoying for that stranger you talked into taking the group photo. And if the band allows photos and you must insist on taking them, don't go overboard, take a few and then PUT YOUR CAMERA AWAY. Unless you have a professional-grade camera, you know most of the pictures are going to come out dark and blurry. (I was this close to putting on my "Mom Face" and yanking the cameras out of those Whoo Girls hands, dropping them all in my purse and handing them back after the show with a stern lecture. Mr. EM wouldn't let me.)

2. If you are a girl and quite certain that you are going to be drinking heavily, stick with flat shoes. That's just common sense. You're not stupid, you've likely been in this situation before. You know that after a certain number of drinks, you're going to be wobbly. Save the toes of the people around you by leaving the 3 inch spiky heels at home. Not to mention, do you want to fall on your butt onto the sticky dance floor of the venue? Do you know what that stickiness is? It's spilled soda and alcohol and maybe even vomit. I'm not saying you won't fall in flat shoes, but the likelihood of catching yourself is greater in them. (Poor Mr. EM got his toes stepped on 3 times by this girl in front of him, and this was before he had to catch her to keep her from falling over, because her boyfriend was too drunk himself to help her. She didn't even thank him, she just laughed.)

3. And while we're on the topic of alcohol consumption, know your limits, people. Sloppy public drunkeness is so unattractive, seriously. The camera-wielding group right by us was made up of four couples and all of the girls were adorable...before the show. Perfect hair, make-up and clothes, along with bright, chipper conversations. Their dates looked and sounded good too. About midway through the show, things started the change. It started with the dancing, which got pretty risque, though that wasn't such a big deal, it was a 21+ show. Then the soft-core porn displays of affection started. Soon they were slurring, stumbling, spilling drinks and talking shit about each other. One of the couples needed to get a room before clothes came off, another needed a relationship counselor before fists were thrown. The others just kind of ignored it all and kept drinking, until one of the girls muttered to one of the guys, "I don't feel good." He stared at her, unable to respond. By the time the show was over, they were all a hot mess. Hopefully they weren't driving home.

4. And while I'm on the topic of couples, in addition to knowing your own limits with alcohol, it would be smart to know your partner's as well. That guy should have taken his date to the restroom so she could at least get away from the crowd for air and/or throw up. Then he should have found her some water and a place to sit. Instead, when she uttered, "I don't feel good", he grabbed her by the waist and tried to get her to dance with him, and by doing that, he was just begging for a vomit shower. She finally just slumped down on the floor, leaning against the railing along the dance floor, while he talked rudely about her to his friends. It is my sincere hope that she did not put out for him that night, in fact, I hope he eventually got that vomit shower because a bad date like that deserves it.

5. Finally, if you step on someone's feet, spill a drink on them, bump against them, touch a personal part of their body or do anything else that can happen when trying navigate through a large crowd, make eye contact with that person and sincerely apologize. Those things happen and anyone who attends concerts on a regular basis knows that. Most people aren't going to freak out and get all up in your face for accidentally bumping them, but they do appreciate the acknowledgement that it happened and that you didn't mean for it to happen. There was one guy that night who was of short stature and he was having a hard time seeing the band, so he'd move to areas where he could see better. Every time he walked past us, he let us know he was coming, and he apologized for bumping us or stepping on our feet. Once he brushed up against my chest and profusely apologized to both me and Mr. EM. He was also smart enough not to try dragging a drink around with him all over the dance floor, as he knew he'd be spilling more than he'd be drinking. When he did drink, I noticed that he stayed up at the bar where the crowd was thinner. Smart guy. If I were to ever present this lesson at a seminar, I'd take him with me as a good example of how to behave at a rock concert.

Did I leave anything out? I don't think so. Like I said, there's not much to behaving appropriately at a rock concert. Enjoy yourself, but be aware that there are other people around you. It isn't rocket science, for crying out loud!

Any interesting/annoying concert experiences you care to share?

Earth Muffin takes on the South Beach Diet

2010-10-13T12:17:00.002-05:00

Not just me, Mr. EM too. In fact, he's the reason we're doing it at all. Allow me to explain...

I've been after my dear husband for years to find a doctor. We all know how it is these days, if you don't get yourself into a doctor when you're well, you'll never be able to get into one when you actually need him/her. Mr. EM hadn't had a regular doctor since 2002. He didn't like her, I didn't either. When I stumbled upon my wonderful doctor in 2006, I suggested he make an appointment for a physical. He said he would, he didn't. When he turned 40 last December, I told him to start asking around for a recommendation. He said he would, he didn't. I told him that if he didn't find someone on his own, I'd find someone for him. Life got in the way and I didn't.

Last spring, Mr. EM and Mr. Granola went to Chicago for a weekend. When he returned, he had a scrape on his nose. I asked what happened and he hemmed and hawed and then finally told me. "I hadn't eaten anything all day on Friday, so when we got up there the first thing we did was go out for pizza and a pitcher of beer. Afterwards in the hotel, I had a fainting spell. I think it was just a blood sugar thing. It's no big deal." Maybe not, it was stupid of him not to eat all day. He has a tendency to do that sometimes. He'd never passed out like that before. But still, I told him he needed to see a doctor for a check-up. He said he would, he didn't. Then it happened again in August, he passed out after having a couple of mixed drinks...only this time he threw up too and he'd eaten throughout the course of the day. Earth Muffin was officially Concerned and made him a doctor appointment with the first doctor who had openings and took his health insurance.

As it turns out, Mr. EM is "pre-diabetic", which is a nice way of saying, "Wake the f%&k up and start eating better or you're going to be diabetic". Years ago he had crazy high cholesterol too, which is no longer the case. However, even though his bad cholesterol isn't too high, his good cholesterol isn't high enough. The doctor's course of action was to advise him to lose about 30 pounds, start exercising regularly and take a cholesterol medication. We agreed with the first two recommendations, not so much the last one. We're both a bit skeptical in regards to how deeply in bed doctors are with pharmaceutical companies. We've done plenty of research into taking care of high cholesterol naturally. I asked Mr. EM to talk with Dr. Rockstar (chiropractor/acupucnturist extraordinaire), see if he could recommend anything or refer him to another doctor. He could and he did. Mr. EM goes for a second opinion with a new doctor at the end of this month.

In the meantime, we got in touch with a friend who is an herbalist. She recommended some supplements and asked how he felt about starting the South Beach Diet. Her husband had cholesterol issues a few years ago and was able to take care of them strictly with this diet and very low-impact exercise. We started researching it online and then I stumbled upon the book at Good Will. The more we read, the more it seemed like this was a step in the right direction. I told him I'd go on it with him, both as a show of support and to do something about my ever-widening ass. On September 20th, we started Phase 1 of the diet. Today we both weigh 13 pounds less that we did on September 20th, and that's with very little exercise.

South Beach Diet? You've made a believer out of Earth Muffin!

What blew me away about this diet was the fact that I've thought I was feeding my family mostly healthy meals and I totally WASN'T. I thought "whole wheat" was a good thing. It's not. Whole GRAIN is a good thing, and only in moderation. Whole wheat is a lie to appease people who think it's better than white. I thought a peanut butter-jelly sandwich was a decent way for my kids to get a little protein in their diet. It's not. A peanut butter-jelly sandwich should be a rare treat, as it holds about the same nutritional value as a piece of freakin' CAKE! That whole campaign about how Honey Nut Cheerios are so great for your heart? Not so much. Read the labels, people. Per serving, Cookie Crisp has more nutritional value than Honey Nut Cheerios. How's that for truth in advertising? Nice, huh?

The first couple of days were hard. No fruit, no grains, no sugar. All nuts, most veggies and, fortunately, most of our meat-substitutes. That's for the first two weeks, and we thought we'd be climbing the walls before that time was up. But we weren't. The quick initial weight loss was so encouraging, that we've kept up with mostly Phase 1 breakfasts and lunches. Now that we're on Phase 2, we are loving fruit like we've never loved it before and we enjoy a little pasta every so often, but I've got to say, this diet has really changed the way I look at food and how I eat and how I cook for my family. I've become very hyper-aware of everything that goes into my grocery cart. I can't believe the way we used to eat...the food I used to give my kids. Kind of makes me sick.

This past weekend was a "cheat weekend" for us. My cousin's wedding was on Saturday. We knew there'd be cake and good beer. We indulged, but not too much. The next day was our anniversary, we'd already bought some specialty beer to take with us to an outdoor music festival. We took it with us, but everything else in our cooler was Phase 1 friendly. This diet has helped us regain self-control in regards to eating, something we were both seriously lacking.

Someone recently told me we were in the "honeymoon phase" of our diet, feeling so full of knowledge about the food we're eating and avoiding, buoyed along by an initial exciting weight loss. I guess she's right, but I'm doing everything in my power to keep this honeymoon phase going. It really helps that there are a lot of easy, tasty South Beach Diet recipes out there, things that even my boys will eat. Out of all the recipes I've tried in the last month, there's only been two that we haven't liked. Everything else has been filling and has tasted good, and portion control is not an issue as long as we're eating "approved" foods. I also like that exercise is not imperative in order for this diet to work. As much as I love doing yoga and Pilates, I struggle to make time for it. And while I don't like that we're doing this because of Mr. EM's health issues, I do like that we're doing this together. In the past, I've been successful in the short-term with weight loss, but it's been so easy to get off track because no one was holding me accountable. Now I know there will be times when we'll fall off the wagon, but I also know how easy it is to get back on it, so I'm not afraid of that happening.

Look out world...Mr. and Mrs. Earth Muffin are going to be HAWT!

A 12th anniversary on 10/10/10

2010-10-10T20:27:00.003-05:00

Merry run around
sailing up and down
just looking for a shove
in some direction--
got it from the top
it's nothing you can stop
Lord, you know they
made a fine connection
They love each other
Lord, you can see it's true

He could pass his time
'round some other line
But you know he
chose this place beside her
Don't get in the way
there's nothing you can say,
Nothing that you need
to add or do
They love each other
Lord, you can see it's true

It's nothing they explain
it's like a diesel train--
you better not be there
when it rolls over
And when that train rolls in
you don't know where it's been
You gotta try and see
a little further

Our wedding song, They Love Each Other, lyrics by Robert Hunter, music by Jerry Garcia.

Little M. hits the Big Time (aka Kindergarten)

2010-09-19T13:25:00.005-05:00

On August 18, 2010, my baby became a Big Boy. He attended his first day of kindergarten.

He had been waiting for this day since the first day of school last year when he realized that his preschool was in a separate building from Big M.'s "Big School". He was terribly disappointed by this and I don't think he ever really felt like preschool was "real school". It was a place where he played and had fun and, yes, even received instruction. It just wasn't "real school".

On his last day of preschool in May, Mr. EM and I proclaimed to him that he was now a "Big Boy" because he had successfully finished preschool and was now a kindergartener. He felt quite proud when we emptied out his backpack and looked through his little memory book at all the things he'd done throughout the school year. We put the book in a special place and talked about how he would be attending kindergarten at Big M.'s school. He couldn't wait to go...so much so that the next morning when I got him up, he hollered, "Okay, Mommy! I'm all ready to go to kindergarten at Big M.'s school today!"

Again, crushing disappointment when he realized that not only was he not going to kindergarten that day, but that he had to wait three whole months before going. "Summer vacation? Aw, man. I want to go to Big M.'s school today!" Poor little guy...such a lust for learning and The System was holding him back.

We talked a lot of kindergarten this summer. We checked out books from the library about going to kindergarten. We checked out videos about Arthur and Blue and various Sesame Street characters going to school. He tagged along when I registered him and Big M. for school, dutifully learning his teacher's name and shaking his principal's hand when he met her. He oohed and ahhed at his school supplies and he took great pains to pick out the Perfect Shirt to wear on his first day.

And then, the day before the first day, he got scared.

"Mommy...um...I...I...I...I'm happy about kindergarten...but...but...but...but...I'm a little...ner...ner...ner...nervous too. Is that ok?"

I reassured him that it was perfectly ok and normal to be nervous, that probably every other kid in his class was feeling the same way, that Big M. felt nervous on his first day of kindergarten too. Big M. was great about helping to make him feel better as well. After I put him to bed that evening, I started feeling nervous, which is totally not how I was feeling the night before Big M.'s first day of kindergarten.

Of course, when Big M. went to kindergarten, I had a 3 month old baby to care for. I was excited about him starting kindergarten, thrilled to see him embarking on such an incredible milestone, anxious for him to start bringing his work home for me to post on the refrigerator, but I wasn't nervous. Big M. was always a rather independent kid, he'd had two full years of preschool under his belt, going to kindergarten was nothing more for him than same shit/different building. On Big M.'s first day, I drove him to school, sat in his room for a few minutes, watched him cautiously approach the carpet when the teacher called the class over and felt slightly weepy as I headed back to my car...though I attributed that as much to hormones as I did to my kid starting kindergarten.

With Little M., I truly felt nervous. He hadn't had the two full years of preschool, the district had to make budget cuts to the preschool program, so he only got to go one year. He's always been so much more of a mama's boy than his brother, I knew he'd miss me terribly on his first day. Sure, he's been going to full-time day-care since he was three months old, but that wasn't much different from home. Comfort and a loving set of arms have always been immediately within reach for him whenever he felt sad or scared. How was he going to handle the landscape of elementary school? So, this is how all those neurotic moms feel on their kids' first day of school? Huh...

We all woke up bright and early on the first day of school. The boys got dressed, ate a good breakfast. We took the obligatory first day of school pictures.

(Yes, Big M. started 5th grade and that's a big milestone as well. However, he's so blase and been-there-done-that about the whole thing that I have no words to post about it. Maybe next year when he hits...gasp!...middle school.)

And so they pulled their backpacks onto their backs and we headed to school. Little M. was chatty and excited on the way there, no nerves present as far as I could tell. We walked into the gym and Big M. immediately left my side to catch up with his friends. We were greeted by a staff member who told us that kindergarteners were heading straight to their classrooms. On our way out of the gym, we ran into a friend of mine who took what has become one of my most favorite photos of me and my baby...

(I can't thank her enough for this frame-worthy shot! I'm usually quite critical of pictures of myself, but all I see in this picture is my excited little boy.)

Little M.'s teacher was waiting at the door to greet her students and parents. Her classroom was bright and colorful and ready to be filled with children. Little M. found his desk and got to work coloring the picture she had sitting at his spot. He smiled up at me once, but then he was all business. She spoke briefly to the parents and then a voice came over the intercom instructing parents that it was time to leave, we were to pick our children up at 10:45 am. I knelt down by Little M. and told him I'd see him in the gym after school. He didn't even look at me, just said, "Ok," and continued coloring.

I expected to be a mess as I walked to my car, but I wasn't. More than anything, I felt relief that he and I had both gotten over our nerves and everything went smoothly. I ran a few errands, did some housekeeping and then headed to the school to pick them up. Big M. came bounding up to me full of gossip about who had what haircut and shoes and which friends were in his class. Then he got a worried look on his face and said, "I haven't seen Little M. since I've gotten in the gym. I don't know where he is." I told him to settle down, I didn't see any kids in the gym that looked little enough to be kindergarteners yet, surely their teachers were holding them back until all the other grades had gotten in there. I was right, soon enough the kindergarten classes came filing in and let me tell you, Little M. looked like he'd grown five inches in the 2 hours that I'd been away from him. He thought he was quite the big guy waving to Big M.'s friends and giggling with the little boy next to him in line.

He caught sight of us and came racing into my arms. He hugged me tight and hollered, "Mom! We were so busy doing fun stuff that we didn't have time to learn how to read!" My heart swelled so big I thought it would burst right out of my chest. I went to grab his hand, but he went skipping ahead of me to the parking lot, only stopping to finally hold my hand right before his foot stepped off the sidewalk. Still, I felt good...it was a bittersweet moment for Earth Muffin, but I wasn't feeling the blues like I thought I would.

We headed home and they sat down to eat some lunch. While they ate, I went through their backpacks pulling out your run-of-the-mill lunch menus and general first day parent notes. It was then that I finally lost my shit. Little M.'s teacher has sent this poem home with him...

The First Day

I gave you a little wink and a smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave
And know your child must stay.
You’ve been with them for five years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave them at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
I’ll love them as I would my own
And help them learn and grown.
How quickly the years do pass
And that one day soon it will be my turn
To take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For I will love them and take them in
When you leave them at my door.

(For the record, if your eyes are still dry right now, you're dead inside.)

And so, Little M. is now a Big Boy because he goes to kindergarten at Big M.'s "Big School". He adores every second that he's there. He loves recess and P.E. and making friends as much as the next kid, but he also loves that he's "doing papers" every day and that he has homework. He loves that Mr. EM and I sit with him each day and look through all of his worksheets and go over what's on them with him, it gives him a chance to show off his newly acquired knowledge of letters and numbers. I know this enthusiasm for school won't last forever. The day will come where, like his brother, he'll tire of the daily routine and live for three-day weekends and holiday vacations. For now, I'll take that unbridled enthusiasm and feed off of it. Our nation, and my state in particular, are in the throes of an educational crisis right now...one that is going to take years to fix, possibly longer than either of my boys will see the benefits of. Working within that system, I'm seeing even more close-up than the average man on the street what a mess it is. Little M.'s enthusiasm and his teacher's obvious dedication and skill have lessened that sting just bit for me.

There's nothing like a fresh, happy, excited kindergartener to restore one's faith in the public education system!

How I sprained my wrist...

2010-09-10T20:07:00.002-05:00

Last Wednesday night I took the M.'s swimming at our local YWCA. That was my first mistake.

I really hate that pool. It's always cold and way over-chlorinated. The lifeguards sit in deck chairs, playing on their cell phones and they don't even wear swimsuits. They just have on sweats or shorts and t-shirts. WTF? They don't even pretend to enforce any basic pool rules. And the people...my god, the people.

But this isn't a post about the former carnival workers that frequent our local YWCA. This is a post about my silly injury. Focus, Earth Muffin.

So, a little background here, I suffer from mild carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand. When I was pregnant with Little M., I had it in both hands. My midwife told me it was a common symptom of pregnancy and should be gone once the baby arrived. And that's exactly what happened...in my left hand. My right hand has never been the same. My regular doctor is keeping an eye on it, it's nothing he thinks requires surgery at this time and I'm okey-dokey with that. I see a chiropractor for it about once a month, practice yoga and take pineapple bromaline supplements for inflammation. I've got a handle on it.

However, sometimes it flares up on me and makes simple tasks...like undressing, for instance, ahem...difficult. It's hard to do even the simplest things when my fingers are numb. After swimming that night, my fingers were a little numb. I was trying to pull my swimsuit strap off my shoulder and couldn't get a good grasp on it, so I twisted my hand/wrist around to get it and felt a slightly uncomfortable *pop*. It felt a little sore, but not too bad. We headed home and the evening proceeded as normal.

The next day was much the same. My wrist was a little sore, but nothing too uncomfortable. I worked all day and that evening we went to a semi-pro baseball game in a nearby town. (Lady Gaga was there, I swear it HAD to be her. Who else would wear leather shorts and thigh-high boots to a baseball game, for crying out loud! And there I go on another tangent...sorry about that.) A good time was had by all at the game, we returned home and went to bed early, looking forward to the upcoming 3-day weekend.

At 3:30 am I woke up with THROBBING pain in my wrist. Even though I knew this was much different than what I feel when my carpal tunnel flares up, I tried all those strategies...shaking it, turning it in circles, elevating it. None of that was helping so I turned to my trusty Ibuprofin, which always comes through in a pinch, and that didn't come close to touching the pain. I'm not a wimp, mild pain does not get to me. This was getting to me. It really hurt.

I decided to take the next day off work and try to see a doctor. At first, I thought I'd try the take-care clinic at a local Walgreen's. I knew how busy my doctor's office could be and this seemed like a good solution. What a monumental waste of my time. I waited a half hour to see the nurse practitioner who refused to examine me because, "If it's carpal tunnel, you should really see your doctor. The best I can tell you is to take some Motrin." When I tried to explain to her that it wasn't carpal tunnel that was bothering me, but a result of me trying to baby my carpal tunnel, she said, "Well, we don't have any imaging equipment anyway and if it's carpal tunnel then you should see your doctor and take some Motrin." *Sigh*

I went home, called my doctor and was told he was on vacation until the following Wednesday. *Sigh* The receptionist suggested I go to the ER, which I resisted at first, telling her I really wasn't sure this was an ER-worthy injury. Her reply was, "If you're really in a lot of pain, you should go to the ER today before all the stupid accidents of a 3-day holiday weekend start happening." Hmmm...she had a good point. But I decided to go for a second opinion. I called Mr. EM at work.

Me: "Do you think I should go to the ER for this?"
Him: "What did they say at Walgreen's?"
Me: "Walgreen's was a monumental waste of time. I called Dr. Q.'s office and he's on vacation and they told me to go to the ER."
Him: "You should probably go then."
Me: "I don't want to."
Him: "Then don't."
*Sigh*
Me: "You're not helping. You know how I feel about rushing to doctors, and particularly the ER, for no good reason. You know I don't usually complain about a little pain. You know that I'm in enough pain that I called off work. I'm asking for some guidance here...WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS???"
Him: "Sorry. Uh...why don't you try calling Dr. Rock Star? Maybe he can get you in this morning and do something about it. If he can't, then go to the ER."

Dr. Rock Star is our chiropractor/acupuncturist and he is, for lack of a better definition, a FREAKIN' rock star. We both adore him and his magic hands and divine needles of the love-gods. Why didn't I think of him first?! I felt a renewed sense of hope as I dialed his number...and it rang and rang and rang and rang and rang until I got the following message:

"Thank you for calling Dr. Rock Star's Chiropractic Clinic. Our office is currently closed...blahblahblahblahblahblah."

And I started weeping. Mostly because my period was about to start, but a little bit because my wrist hurt so bad and I didn't want to go to the ER, but now I was faced with having to do just that. *Sigh*

I drove myself with my good hand to the ER, walked in, filled out an admittance form and got taken back by a nurse right away. She took my vitals and then asked why I was there. I told her...

"I think I sprained my wrist taking off my swimsuit the other night. It didn't hurt at first, but last night the pain woke me up. I'd like to have it looked at, possibly x-rayed."

She looked at my wrist, noted that it was swollen, turned and pressed on it a little to gauge exactly where the tenderest spot was and then asked me if my home was a safe place.

Oh, man. I didn't want to go to the ER just because I'm really stubborn about having to see doctors about anything. I didn't even think about them suspecting that I was some battered wife/girlfriend. Just wonderful...

I reassured her that my home was a very safe place and that I honestly did injur myself in exactly the way I said I did. She gave me some ice and sent me to the lady who took care of admitting me, getting insurance squared away and what-not. After explaining to that lady how I hurt myself, she asked if I needed to see a social worker while I was there...I can only presume that she thought I might like to speak to someone about how my husband sprained my wrist. I declined.

I was taken back to a room where I watched an episode of "Home Improvement" on TBS while I waited for a nurse. When she arrived, she was carrying my chart in with her and said, "Ok, tell me what happened and I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth." I told her what happened and she didn't question me, but she looked skeptical. She did recommend that I take my ring off, which I'm grateful for. I almost didn't get it off and I'd have hated for it to have had to be cut. The doctor came in after that and asked what happened. I sighed and said, "Well..." and the doctor cut me off and said, "Don't you remember?", with this really pitying look on his face. At that point, I was tired of this whole ordeal and I looked them both square in the face and said, "My husband did not to this to me. My home is a safe and loving place. I did this to myself trying to take off my swimsuit. You can believe me or not, but I promise that's the truth."

The doctor laughed then and I felt a lot better. He moved my wrist around a bit, asked what hurt and what didn't, said he thought it was just a sprain but it could be a spiral fracture, so he ordered x-rays to be sure. If the x-ray tech had given me a pitying look or tried to get me to admit some kind of horrible abuse in my home, I may have come unglued, but she didn't. The x-rays showed a sprain, they gave me a brace and a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and a pain killer.

I was home by about 11:15 and Mr. EM come home soon after for his lunch hour to see how I was doing. (That beast! How do I stand living with the nightmare that is my marriage?!) I told him that aside from everyone at the hospital thinking he beats me, all was fine, it was just a sprain. He chuckled a bit, but then said what I'd been thinking all morning, "Doesn't it suck that we live in a world where a woman can't go to the ER for a minor injury without everyone assuming she's being beaten?"

That does suck, indeed. I've thought about it a lot since that day. I really am very fortunate to live with a man who would never, ever dream of using his strength to harm me. And I really hate that not every woman can count herself so fortunate.

So, anyway, that's the whole stupid story. I spent my 3-day weekend on the couch with my wrist in a brace. I didn't take the painkillers, didn't like the side-effects, but the anti-inflammatory helped a lot. Yesterday Dr. Rock Star worked his magic and that helped even more. I'm on the mend and it feels good.

I wish every woman who walked into that ER walked out with the happy ending that I had.

*Sigh*

Excuses, excuses, Earth Muffin.

2010-09-05T20:02:00.003-05:00

I know I've been MIA for a while. Sorry about that.

Big M. was in a play, then I was in a play. Shuttling him to rehearsals and then shuttling myself to rehearsals took up a lot of my time.

Then school started...first for my boys, with Little M. starting kindergarten (more on that later, *sniff*)...and then for me. Preparing for school took up more of my time.

And now I have a few posts in my head and the plays are both over and we've all adjusted to the return of our school routine and I've been more than ready to pen some posts.

And then I sprained my wrist.

While taking off my bathing suit.

Seriously.

No, really.

I kid you not.

Yes, once I can type again without it taking FOREVER and without hitting "enter" every time I intend to hit "shift" and without constantly looking up at what I've just typed and finding that my fingers were a row over for the whole paragraph, I will tell you the whole silly story. It won't actually take me all that long, but with a brace on my dominant hand it's just not worth the trouble yet.

Getting older kind of sucks. See, people have been telling me that for years. I just didn't really believe it until now.

I will never doubt my elders again.

Earth Muffin's new favorite pasttime

2010-08-14T22:03:00.002-05:00

Watching TV, but not just any TV. I've been renting cable TV shows and devouring them like fine wine and dark chocolate.

We had a satellite dish for several years, got rid of it about 2 years ago, but I haven't really missed it much. We didn't have HBO or Showtime, so I didn't really suffer any withdrawal when we got rid of it. Mr. EM and I got into The Soprano's for a while, we watched a few episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and liked it. So I knew these shows were available to rent, I just didn't really have the inclination to rent them. There are so many movies out that we haven't seen, why would I use what little time I had for TV renting a series?

Um...because some of them are pretty awesome, that's why!

My mild obsession with these shows started when a work friend loaned me the first two seasons of Weeds.

I begged off at first, Mr. EM and I had seen the first episode of that show and weren't too impressed, but she was insistent. "Give it another chance. Watch the first 3 episodes. If you still aren't into it, just give it back." Why not? Big M.'s football season was over, we had more time for TV, the episodes were only a half hour long.

LOVED LOVED LOVED Weeds! Couldn't get enough of it...fortunately for me, neither could my work friend. She eventually owned all 5 seasons and I got to see them all. I'm chomping at the bit for season 6, and it hasn't even aired yet. Summer was coming and I went searching for a show to fill the void Weeds had left behind. I found it in Big Love.

In my head, polygamy was something done on creepy, desert compounds where 60 year old men took teen bride after teen bride, fathering dozens of children in between building up an arsenal of weapons to prepare for the apocolypse. I certainly didn't expect to feel sympathy toward this man and his three wives and their seven children. It's interesting to see three strong women willfully entering into a plural marriage, not just because they believe in a celestial kingdom, but also because they love the man they married and they love each other. It's interesting to see the impact plural marriage has, both positive and negative, on modern children. It's certainly not a life I could lead...something tells me I wouldn't handle sharing Mr. EM very well...though I like to joke with him that I could certainly use my own wife to help me get things done around here sometimes!

Throughout my Weeds, Big Love and True Blood obsessions (I've already detailed my love of True Blood on this blog, I'll spare you my lust for Nordic vampires), Mr. EM has enjoyed making fun of me. Throughout our relationship, he's certainly been more of a TV junkie than me. I was the one that had to talk him into getting rid of the satellite. I'm always the one turning the TV off when there's no one in the room. I'm the one that enforces the TV curfews with the kids. And so, he's found it ironic that I'm the one sneaking up to our bedroom to catch an episode as often as I can. "I just don't get what the big deal is. It's just a TV show. Why do you get so into it?" Or at least he used to tease me. He's been pretty quiet since we started watching...

DEXTER!!!

Ah...Dexter. Can't get enough of Dexter, and we've only just finished the first season. So bloody, so dark, so fascinating. Mr. EM was actually the one that mentioned this show. Someone he works with told him about it and he thought it sounded interesting. I rented the first disc of season 1 and we watched the first episode together. At first he wasn't too impressed, he's like that. He seems to expect to be BLOWN AWAY IMMEDIATELY by a TV series. He has a tendency to be an instant gratification kind of guy and waiting for a show to develop characters and really get a plot going is a little tedious for him. But I talked him into sticking with Dexter (and I may have been partially motivated by how freakin' adorable Michael C. Hall is) and now he's the one jumping off the couch the second the kids are in bed to get the disc in the DVD player. He's the one staying up way later than he should on a work night because he simply has to see the next episode. He's the one developing theories on the Ice Truck Killer and telling them to me as I'm drifting off the sleep at night. He gets it...

Cable TV shows are just better than regular ones. They don't have to play by the same rules of censorship and they can tackle subject matter that may be a bit too "unsavory" for regular TV. Often the episodes are like short movies, a good punch of drama and suspense in 50 minutes...which is good for us, because often an actual movie is just too damn long for us to get through without falling asleep!

And so, we've got plenty of Dexter left to keep us going and after that we plan to dive into Breaking Bad. I've heard good things about that one...anyone out there watch it? Maria, I seem to remember you mentioning it before.

And, of course, you didn't really think I'd let a whole post about TV go by without letting my fangbanging freak flag fly, did you?

You're welcome.

Earth Muffin takes on a touchy subject.

2010-08-09T09:56:00.002-05:00

Homeschooling.

I freely admit that I am not totally sold on the whole idea of homeschooling. I'm a public school teacher, and I believe in public school. Even in our current nationwide educational crisis, I believe that most of the people who choose a career in education do so because they care about kids and the future of our society. Yes, I think that as parents, we are our children's first and best teachers. However, I also think that it's important for kids to have role models outside the home and to learn how to respect other authority figures in their lives. I think it's ok for parents and kids to be separated for a part of each day, as long as the time they do spend together is quality time. Public school worked for me and, so far, it's working for my own kids.

That said, Mr. EM and I are part of a circle of friends where public school is not the norm. Many of our friends currently homeschool or used to homeschool their kids... and the ones who don't do it any more were mostly forced due to circumstance (divorce being the #1 reason) rather than by choice. I've sat in on conversations about their reasons for homeschooling and have heard some compelling arguments. Big M. attended day-care in one of their homes for a year and his mind grew by leaps and bounds in response to her creative lessons and diligent preparation. I'm open-minded enough to say that when it's done right, I can see the benefits of homeschooling. And I'm snarky enough to say that the homeschooling parents aren't as open-minded as I am about the potential benefits of public school. We've taken our share of thinly-veiled knocks about our decision to send our kids to public school. We long ago decided to ignore such comments and take them with a grain of salt. They make their choices, we make ours. End of story.

Just in our circle of friends, there are several schools of thought on the mechanics of homeschooling. Some of them are part of a local network of homeschooling families. They meet regularly for field trips, craft days, a particular lesson one family has created to share with the group. Some of them are hyper-organized and diligent about planning structured lessons, making sure that their kids are on track with public school peers and keeping track of everything they do so that they have a record of what has been taught so far. And some take a very loose approach...their kids can learn what they feel like learning, when they feel like learning it, and if they don't feel like learning it then they're just not ready to learn it yet so there's no need to force the subject.

Some close friends are part of that latter group. They have 3 kids, ages 12, almost-10 (in October) and almost-6 (in September). Their oldest is a very self-motivated learner. From a young age, she had a take-charge attitude about her education...asking for math worksheets and pretty much teaching herself to read. She's mild-tempered, focused and does not get easily distracted. You can tell just by speaking to her that she reads well above her age level. I can't say this for certain, but it seems to me that she could likely be placed in a public 7th grade next week and function just fine academically. To be honest, I think she'd probably like that. She has asked a few times over the years to go to "regular" school, but so far her parents have held fast, so she makes do with her situation. The younger two, however, are another story. They are carefree and impulsive and not particularly interested in any kind of structured activity. Since they don't show an interest in learning basic skills, they are not forced to do so. As a result, it appears the 9-almost-10 year old does not know how to read. Not even basic sight words. And the teacher in me finds this appalling.

Yesterday was the cast party for Big M.'s play, held at a local pizza place. Two of the above girls were in the play with him. The 9-almost-10 year old asked me where the restroom was and I pointed her in that direction. She took off, then a minute later came back and said, "No, I mean, which one do I go in?" She couldn't read "Men" and "Women" on the doors...and either she couldn't, or chose not to, sound out the words in her head to make an educated guess. I apologize for sounding so bias here, but WTF?!?! Hoping my face did not betray my emotions, I walked her over to the ladies' room, reeling in my head about the fact that a girl her age, who would be going into the FOURTH GRADE next week, could not read a public restroom sign, written in plain, black-and-white, all caps, block letters. I'm open to the concept of child-led learning, but COME ON...this is a basic life skill. And then I thought back to the day the kids auditioned for this play. There was the choice of doing a cold reading from the script or an informal interview for kids who couldn't or didn't want to read. This girl rambled on and on to Big M. about how she COULD read, she just doesn't LIKE to and she was just going to do the interview because she didn't want a big part because she didn't want to memorize a bunch of lines. At that time, I kind of saw through her bravado, thinking to myself that she doesn't read well enough to go through a cold reading. I know I'm making a sweeping generalization by assuming she can't read anything based on the fact that she chose not to do a cold reading and couldn't find her restroom yesterday, but as an educator and a mom of a kid only slightly older than her, I can tell you that's some pretty compelling evidence.

As I'm typing this post, Little M. is sitting at my feet playing a game on his Leapster. It's a preschool letter recognition game. He just asked me, "Mom, what letter is at the end of the word sad?" I made the "d" sound for him and he said, "Oh, D! But I'm not sure what a D looks like." So, I got out one of his little alphabet coloring books and showed him the alphabet on the first page. Together we recited, "A, B, C, D...", as he pointed to each letter. As I said early on in this post, I believe that we are our kids' first and best teachers. I believe that it's never to early to promote literacy to our children, that very young children are highly motivated and excited to learn. I believe that a reluctant learner needs a few gentle nudges and a lot of direction in order to get and stay motivated. And I believe that in that particular area, this girl's parents have dropped the ball. If they are so firmly entrenched in the idea that she'll learn to read when she's "ready", then they should teach her some coping skills for social situations like this one. I just can't help but feel that they have done that girl a disservice, not just academically, but socially as well. As she gets older and the chasm between her abilities and those of her peers widens, she will feel a need to "fit in" somehow and that could possibly lead her down paths way more dangerous than public school.

Granted, that's just my opinion (and my husband's, he was as shocked as I was when I told him about this) and perhaps it's a harsh one. Everyone has their own way of raising their own kids. I don't pretend to be an expert and I don't think my kids are perfectly behaved geniuses. I am curious as to what you, gentle readers, make of this. Am I overreacting...as I sometimes do when it comes to this particular topic? Just wondering what others think of this.

(And, OMG, don't get me started on the youngest of this brood. She'll be 6 in September and her speech is on par with that of a 3-4 year old and so are her TANTRUMS. Yes, she still TANTRUMS...full-on, laying on the floor, kicking-and-screaming-and-wailing...when she doesn't get her way. I'll stop there, I'm concerned the Judgment Police will be pulling into my driveway at any moment.)

Bits and pieces

2010-07-23T11:13:00.005-05:00

This summer is flying by!

Little M. took swimming lessons from my aunt last week. On the first day, he was afraid to venture off the steps in the shallow end. By the last day, he was jumping in without a flotation device! Success!

He was incredibly nervous about swimming lessons from the get-go and had to be bribed to participate. I had a small treat for him afterwards each day...a donut, a trip to the park, etc. But the big payoff at the end was what he really had his eye on...a trip to Build-A-Bear. He dutifully participated in the lessons, each day emerging from the water and telling me how many days he had left until Build-A-Bear. At the end of the week, we went and he had a great time choosing, stuffing and dressing his bear.

(He made the camo one on his right. The other bear is the one Big M. made for him when he was born.)

In other Earth Muffin news, Big M. is participating in another play this summer. He is Quattro, one of the card soldiers in Alice in Wonderland. He has quite a few lines in this one and he's doing a great job memorizing them. He's really enjoying his foray into theater and it goes without saying that I'm thrilled by that!

Recently, a traveling group came to our mall with baby tigers. They are some kind of rescue organization and for donations they offer opportunities to have your picture taken with a baby tiger or get in the cage with them and play with them for a bit. We chose to get in the cage. Our little tiger was pretty tired by the time it was our turn, but it was still worth doing. She's an 8 week old hetero-Bengal...

Last weekend, Mrs. Granola, our midwife friend, sent me an email about a play being performed in St. Louis called Birth. They were looking for actresses and she kindly thought of me. I auditioned and GOT A PART! I start rehearsing next week, the performance is on Sunday, August 29th. Squeeeeeeeeee!!!

I've gotten completely sucked in to Big Love and Dexter this summer. Mr. EM and I just started watching the first season of Dexter, but I've gotten through the first 2 seasons of Big Love and I'm chomping at the bit to get started on season 3. I love me some good TV!

In less than a month, I will be back to work, Big M. will be a 5th grader and Little M. will be in (*sniff*) kindergarten. I'm clinging tenaciously to these last weeks of summer...it seems like last week I was just rejoicing that it was finally here. I don't care what Mick Jagger sang...time is most definitely not on my side!

Oh, my my...oh, hell yes!

2010-07-15T12:42:00.009-05:00

Mr. EM and I took a short trip by ourselves to Indianapolis last weekend and it was delightful. We went out to dinner a couple of times, walked along the river promenade in White River State Park, spent a couple of hours in a kick-ass bookstore, visited the art museum and saw the Tom Petty concert at what was once Deer Creek but is now the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater. It was a much-needed getaway for us as a couple and I found myself wishing it could have lasted just a day or two longer.

Indianapolis is a really nice little city, lots to do for just adults or whole families. We didn't get to do nearly as much as we wanted to, but that just gives us incentive to go back. The art museum has an Andy Warhol exhibit coming in the fall that I'm dying to see, so maybe we'll make our way back there then. I took a few pictures here and there...

Where Peyton Manning and the rest of the Colts play. I don't like football, but I do like Peyton.

The NCAA Hall of Champions...closed when we got there, much to my dismay. (Oops...did I drip sarcasm on your computer? Sorry about that.)

A bison made out of barbed wire, pretty cool to see up close. If you look closely, you'll see that the artist made sure you could tell is was a BOY bison...

Something pretty along the river promenade...

Georgia O'Keefe at the art museum...I could have stared at this for hours. I love her work. I wish we could have taken pictures on the contemporary art floor, but that wasn't allowed. You'll have to visit it yourself someday.

The LOVE sculpture by Robert Indiana...no, really, that was his name. He changed it from Robert Clark early in his career.

A live representation of LOVE!!! My apologies if the cheesy sentiment is just too much for you...

The concert was great too...in spite of being in a Live Nation venue with expensive Live Nation prices and ridiculous Live Nation rules. I've always enjoyed Tom Petty and he didn't disappoint. He played plenty of hits along with a good dose of his new album, Mojo, which is incredible. And he played my favorite...Last Dance with Mary Jane. Enjoy a little Petty with me, gentle readers...

...and have a great weekend!

And I'm never goin' back to my old school...

2010-07-14T20:31:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I went to my 20th high school reunion.

Quite a leap for me, seeing as how I couldn't be bothered to attend the 5th, 10th or 15th reunions. It was definitely one of those back-and-forth things where my decision making process went something like this:

Late winter- former class president (the one who got pregnant by some mystery guy our sophomore year...classy) contacts me via Facebook to get my mailing address for the invitation. I give her my address while rolling my eyes and thinking, "Yeah, I'm going to THAT."

Mid spring- Invitation arrives in the mail. I fill out the "What have you been up to for the last 20 years" form and recycle the rest. Definitely not going.

Late May- Lady Blackjack calls and asks if I'm going. I tell her, "Hell, no." She begs me to go with her because she has already paid the couple's fee and her husband is not able to get off work. I grudgingly agree to go.

Early June- Lady Blackjack contacts me again to say her husband CAN get off work and wants to go, but she wants me to go anyway because she wants someone "sane" to talk to and snark with about former classmates. I give her a tentative "yes".

Mid June- In the wake of immense peer pressure via Facebook, I send in my money to attend my f*&king high school reunion. Sigh. Within a week, Lady Blackjack calls to say that now SHE is unable to get off work, so she and husband will NOT be attending the reunion and do I think she'll be able to get their money back. Sigh. I decide to donate my money to the reunion fund and not go.

Four days before the reunion- Checking our email from the hotel in Chicago, I see that a dear friend who resides in California is attending the reunion and wants to know if I'll be there. I hadn't seen her in who-knows-how-long. Dammit. Now I HAD to go. Sigh.

So, I went. And I had a good time. I don't know why I thought it would be so awful. I didn't have a terrible high school experience. I was moderately popular, had good friends, dated nice guys, made good grades and was involved in several activities. In fact, I rather enjoyed high school...when I was IN high school. See, that's where my trepidation to attend this reunion came from. I've kept in touch over the years with a select few people and the rest? Meh...I don't wish anyone harm, but I left all that behind and didn't really care to revisit it. There are a shocking amount of people from my class who married each other and Never. Left. They went to area colleges so they could live at home, took jobs in the general area so they could buy houses in town, many of them still have the SAME HAIRSTYLES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! These people don't know much outside of that itty-bitty Illinois town and they don't care to and that just bums me out. Sure, I didn't land too far away from where I was raised, but I experienced a whole different world in college and now in my adult life and I like it. I guess they're happy too, at least they seemed that way. It's just a life choice that I don't get at all.

Anyway, it was a little awkward at first. Everyone seemed a little nervous about mingling and asked a lot of the same questions, "So, what do you do? Do you have any kids? Where do you live? Blah blah blah?" But once the drinks started flowing and the crowd thinned out a bit (one newly-divorced woman had to leave to meet her new boyfriend who is MY BROTHER'S AGE) the conversations got more interesting and the night took a wide turn for the better. I have to say that not only did I thoroughly enjoy myself, I ended up staying until they closed the place down. Earth Muffin let her hair down and a bit and it felt good...

The highlight of my night was when this gentleman showed up...

Met him in freshman English and we became fast friends. He was the super-smart guy who never studied because he was too busy partying but it didn't matter because he got A's on everything anyway. I never would have passed junior chemistry without him and I wouldn't have gotten in nearly as much trouble if I hadn't become friends with him. We were never romantic, ew, but he certainly holds a special place in my heart. I used to see him once a year at the Jake's Leg farm party, but our paths hadn't crossed in quite some time. When he found me in the crowd, he pulled me into a bear hug and said, "Wow! You look so good you make me wish I didn't like your husband!" I find it interesting that some of those people were what I considered "good" friends in high school, people I hung out with and called when I needed to vent, but that night I had very little to say to them. With others, it was as if no time had passed at all and we could just pick up where we left off. He was one of those people. We sat for a good long time just talking about everything.

It was good to go back to high school for the night. My hometown can be a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Any reunion experiences you'd care to share?

Vacation: the good, the bad and the ugly

2010-06-27T14:53:00.017-05:00

So, we spent last week in Chicago and we came home with just as many children as we had when we left. That, in itself, is the definition of a successful vacation. Gentle readers, how many of you have taken trips with your kids that lasted longer than 4 days? How on earth did you do it? Seriously, I cannot imagine taking a longer "vacation" than that without losing my mind, selling one of my children or leaving my husband on the side of a road somewhere. However, I know that families all over the country do it all the time, 10+ day vacations to various locations, and they not only live to tell the tale, but they also seem to ENJOY it. It's not that we had a miserable time, most of the time was pretty good, but there were moments when I was ready to pack it in and leave early and I know Mr. EM and, at times, even the kids were in agreement. By Friday at 5:15, when our train pulled out of Union Station, I know we were ALL glad to be heading home. Here's the highlights, warts and all...

The GOOD: The Ohio Street beach, the famous pizza, the boys' first boat ride being a sunset cruise on Lake Michigan, a fantastic breakfast-for-dinner at a darling little cafe called Eggsperience (corner of Dearborn and Ontario, visit it next time you're in the Windy City!), the new Nature Boardwalk in Lincoln Park, a fantastic juggler at the Lincoln Park Zoo, some guy paying for our dinner at the Bella Luna Cafe because we looked like a "nice family" and he was amused by the M.'s (I KNOW!!!), the incredibly accomodating Hampton Inn giving us a late (1:00 pm!) check-out and storing our bags for us on our last day, not to mention the healthy and delicious continental breakfast.

The BAD: Oppressively hot weather on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, crazy-ass rainstorms cancelling our Navy Pier fireworks plans and Navy Pier in general being a bit disappointing and ridiculously expensive, several obnoxious day-care/camp groups at the Lincoln Park Zoo under-staffed with apathetic teenagers, finding out after the fact that Michael Franti played a free acoustic show outside the Hancock Building while we were all bored to tears next door at Water Tower Place trying to kill time until our train departure (I KNOW!!!). Of course, pretty much all of these things were beyond our control and we made do in spite of them...calling them "bad" is being a bit dramatic, but the world is my stage after all.

The UGLY: Mr. EM is not a particularly patient person to begin with, get him out of his comfort zone and he can be downright nasty. What's worse is that he has zero ability to ignore minor behaviors, which is what I do on a daily basis. If there's no blood or inappropriate language, I usually let them work things out themselves. I have no idea how my husband came to live in this fantasy world where children are quiet and perfectly behaved 100% of the time, but that is the mind-set he took with him on this vacation. In the hotel room, restaurants and on the train, he expected them to whisper and sit still. The pool and the beach appeared to be the only places where they were not expected to whisper and sit still. And when they didn't fully comply with the whole "whisper/sit still" philosophy, the empty threats started flying..."If you don't stop it, you're going to be sorry", "If you don't get quiet, you're going to be in trouble", "If you don't leave each other alone, just wait and see what happens". At one point, Big M. asked him what would actually happen and I thought Mr. EM's head was going to explode, though I personally thought it was a valid question on Big M.'s part. I understand him not wanting the kids to bother other people, but I really think Mr. EM just didn't want them bothering HIM. They really didn't behave that badly most of the time and when they did start to get hyper/obnoxious, separating them for a little bit seemed to curb it. Instead, Mr. EM's big threat became the hotel pool..."THAT'S IT!!! I'VE HAD IT WITH THE TWO OF YOU...NO SWIMMING TODAY!!!" This would ultimately result in tears and arguing, which only made things worse, and then Mr. EM would realize that such a consequence punished him as much as them so he'd tack a "NOW YOU HAVE TO EARN SWIMMING BACK WITH GOOD BEHAVIOR" to the end of it, which put the pressure on them (and ultimately ME...grrrrrrrrr) to toe the line for the rest of the day, making it hard to enjoy ourselves. I felt like a referee between him and them for the better part of the trip, just like last year, and that pissed me off. And trying to talk with him about the way he handles discipline and conflict? Not gonna happen...I can't tell you how many times and ways I've tried to approach the subject. We totally disagree on this issue and meeting in the middle is difficult, to say the least. It really is one of very few bones of contention we have in our marriage to which I don't see a solution.

So, there you go...the Earth Muffin Clan travels again, with mixed results. It was mostly good, with a dash of bad, which is better than I expected. Below is some photographic evidence that we didn't bicker the whole time...

If my life were Sex and the City...

2010-06-18T17:17:00.002-05:00

I would be Miranda. Practical, sensible (most of the time), responsible. Not one to really fuss about her appearance. Her job the central focus of her life...until her son was born. She struggled with motherhood a bit, unsure of herself. She struggled with her relationship with the baby daddy a bit, unsure of herself. It all worked out beautifully, just as she hoped it would. The nerdy girl gets the guy in the end after all. Not too shabby...

My dear friend from high school, Lady Blackjack, would be Samantha. Bawdy, confident, always fabulously dressed. Loud, raunchy and ten tons of fun...always ready for trouble, or at least a few cocktails. No regrets, always looking forward, seeking out her bliss, whatever that may be. Granted that Lady Blackjack has been married for almost 15 years, whereas no man will ever tie Samantha down, but she made good use of the single years she had before meeting Mr. Right. She's certainly the yin to my yang and I don't know what my life would have been like without her in it for all this time. She's always good for adding a little crazy to my sanity, and I need that every now and then.

Earthy Birthy Mama would be Charlotte. Though at first glance, one may not agree, EBM has a deep traditional core that makes her the lovely person that she is. Polite, hospitable and fantastically in love with the domestic bliss she has created with her husband and their three (3!) children. She's a true mommy, first and foremost, and has high expectations for her house to be clean and dinner to be on the table at a certain time. EBM expects things to be a certain way and works her butt off to make sure they are. Miranda and Charlotte often commiserated with each other, because the other 2 friends couldn't quite get where they were coming from. That's EBM and me...we can sit down together for a conversation and not look up until several hours later. I love that...I need that.

And that leaves Carrie...and in my SATC, that would be Baker. While not the fashionista that Carrie Bradshaw is, Baker loves to play with her hair. Over the course of our friendship, Baker has been a pale blonde, a deep blonde, a light brunette and several different shades of red...which is by far her favorite and, in everyone's opinion, looks the best on her. Not just the color though, Baker likes to mess with the style as well. She goes through phases from pixie cuts to long locks and everything in between. Straight, curly, wavy, up-do, barely even combed through, Baker has done it all and always managed to look great no matter what. But that's not really why I consider her to be the Carrie of our group. Baker has spent her life looking for love in all the wrong and right places. She attracts men like moths to a flame and enjoys every minute of it. She's a flirt to the Nth degree and is shamelessly proud of it. That said, she's at her happiest when she's truly in love with one man, when a "hot night" starts with a rented DVD and ends in the bedroom and neither one of them have to set one foot out the door. That's not to say that she hasn't kissed her share of frogs...but like Carrie, she's totally committed to her happily ever after. Hopefully her current live-in is it, because the rest of us really, really want that for her. We've watched her get her heart broken too many times and if this guy hurts her? Well, we might have to kill him.

Lady Blackjack and I saw the SATC 2 movie last week. Despite the lousy reviews, we both enjoyed it. It was a good movie to see with a good girlfriend. Afterwards we talked about how we were Miranda and Samantha...always had been, even before there was a SATC to compare ourselves to. Of course, all of these women are so much more that what I described here. They are loyal, strong, caring and the closest thing to sisters I'll ever have. Just like the real SATC girls. I'm a lucky Miranda to have them in my life!

Just FYI...

2010-06-11T10:28:00.003-05:00

I don't know if any of you follow Katie Granju's blog, but I have since I started blogging. She's an awesome writer and person and she is currently suffering from the devastating loss of her 18 year old son. She and her family have set up a memorial fund in his name to help other young people in the throes of addiction get the help they need. You can read about it here, as well as read what she and her family have been through in the last 6 weeks.

Air colic

2010-06-07T17:09:00.002-05:00

My cousin (we'll call him Rib) and his wife (Mrs. Rib) live in Florida and they are having a baby boy in October. They were in the area this past weekend for a wedding and Mr. EM and I had the pleasure of going out to dinner with them after their flight on Friday night. When they arrived at our house, we all said our hello's and then Mrs. Rib said, "OMG, this lady next to me on the flight! She was a...", she caught herself, realized she was in the presence of children, "...well, I'll just tell you about her at dinner."

We were, to say the least, intrigued.

At the restaurant, we sat down and she immediately started her story about her seat mate on the flight. The woman was a FORMER CRACK WHORE. Those were her exact words to Mrs. Rib, "I am a former crack whore."

Ok, it didn't start out quite like that. Mrs. Rib was seated between her husband the FORMER CRACK WHORE, and she wanted some arm room while she read her book. She took up her share of both arm rests and proceeded to read. All was quiet for a bit. Then, the FORMER CRACK WHORE (who, I guess should heretofore be called FCW, although I'm getting quite a kick out of typing FORMER CRACK WHORE over and over) asked her if she was pregnant. This is Mrs. Rib's first pregnancy, so even though she's a little more than halfway through, she still has that "is she pregnant or just fat?" look about her.

Mrs. Rib informed her that, yes, she was expecting a baby in the fall. FCW pointed to her own rather bloated gut and said that she was not pregnant, just fat, and then proceeded to inform Mrs. Rib that she was a former crack whore. Just like that, no intro, no build-up, no question from Mrs. Rib. She just put that info out there almost immediately. She was nine months into recovery, had moved from St. Louis to Jacksonville, Florida, found God and was now on her way back to St. Louis for a court date and to bring her fiance back down to Jacksonville to live with her. He's "messed up" too, like she was, but she has faith that God can get him through his addiction, just like he helped her.

Then she told Mrs. Rib that she was glad she'd started talking with her because she had thought Mrs. Rib was "one of them snotty ladies", what with the way she just stuck her arm up on that arm rest like it was all her's. She was also full of useful parenting information, which she freely imparted on Mrs. Rib, and by this time Rib, who'd been pretending to sleep, but could no longer stand to not participate in the conversation.

"Your kind of people," she said, in response to the fact and they are white, "go out all the time with no hats on your babies' heads. You have to be careful about that. If my babies were out in the cold air for too long without hats, they'd cry and cry and cry. Now, if that happens, what you do is...do you smoke?", she asked Mrs. Rib.

Um...regretfully?...Mrs. Rib said she did not smoke. "Oh, well, you might want to keep some smokes with you because when they start to cry like that, they have AIR COLIC and what they need is some cigarette smoke blown right on the top of their little head, on the soft spot."

And there you have it, folks. Words of parenting wisdom from a FORMER CRACK WHORE.

We were laughing so hard at this story, we had to send our waiter away the first time he came to take our order because we hadn't been looking at the menu. Mrs. Rib said that she's usually a nervous flyer, but FCW kept her mind off the fact that she was even on a plane.

Mrs. Rib keeps a blog, but it's for family and close friends to keep tabs on her pregnancy progress. She didn't really see fit to post this story, so I told her I would...how could I not share this with you, my gentle readers?! If any of you have strange encounters such as this one to share, please do. I have a whole summer off to entertain myself!

Big M. hits the stage!

2010-06-03T10:37:00.003-05:00

Big M. has commitment issues. No, not with the ladies...not yet anyway, let's just hope he's not like his uncle. What I'm referring to is his inability to find a recreational hobby that he enjoys enough to stick with it longer than a few months...and I mean organized recreational hobbies, something that's structured and led by an adult, that encourages cooperation and forms new friendships and engages his mind and body in a positive way. Around the house he goes through phases of video game playing, skateboarding/scootering/bike-riding, Lego-building, drawing and writing...and those are all fine activities for staving off boredom, and he has some school/neighborhood friends that participate in these activities with him. However, Mr. EM and I think it's important that he find something he's interested in that gets him out of his room, out of the house and even out of our neighborhood for a little while, something that he can carry with him through middle school and high school, possibly even college and into his adult life.

Starting at about age 4, he's been participating in organized activities through school, parks and rec and various other organizations and, while the activities have differed, the results have not. He's interested initially and then, depending on how initially interested he is, he ultimately decideds he hates it and has to be dragged kicking and screaming to the activity's conclusion. This was true of basketball, soccer, baseball, the children's organic garden, Cub Scout's, wrestling and the school orchestra. All of these activities cost money to participate in and all of them had a particular time commitment and and definite ending date. We always made him see his participation through until the end, partly due to the cost, but mostly due to teaching him the importance of honoring a commitment. Cub Scouts and orchestra were by far the worst to get through because not only did they span a whole school year, but he hated them the most. Every Cub Scout meeting night brought tears and faked illnesses and begging to not have to attend. Every single second of practicing his upright bass brought complaints and arguments and grumbles of "I'm so not doing this next year". As he's gotten older we've been cautious about what activities to sign him up for, with stern warnings, "If you choose to sign up for this and we pay for you to do it, you're seeing it through to the end, like it or not!" Of course, we get the standard, "I know! I will! I really want to do this!" And, in the end, we're all fed up, pissed off and disappointed...well, except for Little M, who just goes about his merry way doing whatever makes him happy while the rest of us stare at him in wonder and envy.

Last fall we thought we'd turned a corner with football. After a rough start, he really took to the sport and gave it his all. He was enthusiastic about participating and didn't care how much playing time he got or whether his team won or lost, he just liked being involved. When the season ended in November, he was all gung-ho about the next season...until about March, when he out-of-nowhere said, "I don't think I want to play football next year." What? Why not? "I just don't." And that was that. Mr. EM and I both tried, on separate occasions, to convince him to play again, but he was adamant. And, get this...one of his reasons for not playing again was that he wanted to be a *choke* ROCK STAR *choke* when he grew up, so why should he play football? He'd rather focus on his *choke* BAND *choke*.

WTF? So, a kid who can't stand to have to practice his orchestra instrument for 15 minutes each day is going to join a rock band and become a star...right. He's been bugging us for guitar lessons, but we're not so sure that's a good idea. We have to look into the cost and the time commitment and make a decision. For right now that's on the back-burner and he hasn't even mentioned it in weeks because, get this...he and school friend have decided to *choke* start an animation company *choke* because they want to *choke* do the kind of stuff that Pixar does *choke*. Sigh...whatever, Big M. What-the-frig-ever.

ANYWAY...to get to the point of this post...(summer vacation, gentle readers, bear with me)...there is a newer local children's community theater and in February I took Little M. there to see a darling production of "Blue's Clues". In the program were notices for upcoming auditions. The Granola girls have been involved in various theater activities off and on, so I passed the program onto Mrs. Granola and the girls were cast in a production of "Aladdin" in April. When we went to see it, they announced auditions for "Peter Pan" the following weekend. Big M. asked, "Is that a musical or just a play?" We found out it was a straight play, no singing. He announced, "I'm auditioning." Um, what? Really? He assured us that he wouldn't care what part he got, he'd go to the rehearsals without complaining and he'd learn any lines he had to and wear any costume he had to. It wasn't a very expensive activity and the rehearsal schedule wasn't terribly daunting, so we let him audition.

He was initially offered the role of Nibs, the Lost Boy, or he could choose to be one of Captain Hook's pirate crew. He chose the pirate, because "pirates are cool". Then, after the first week of rehearsal, the director called and asked if he'd be willing to switch to being both Nana the dog and Tic Toc the crocodile, because 2 kids had dropped out. The theater already had those costumes and he'd get a little more stage time. He jumped at that opportunity, because he's his mother's son and, seriously, who doesn't want more stage time?! He started rehearsals the next night and had a blast. As Nana, he got to interact with one of the Granola girls onstage and they both loved that. He met smart, weird kids just like him and he got to glide across the stage on a skateboard in his Tic Toc costume. The production was just so-so by true theatrical standards, it was a small-town community theater production to be sure, but in our book it was a roaring success.

Big M. took to the stage like a fish to water. He never once complained about the time spent rehearsing or even about how stiflingly hot his Nana costume was. He had nothing but good things to say about the director, the other kids and the process, in general. Auditions for "Alice in Wonderland" are in a few weeks and he can hardly wait for that day to come. Maybe this will be the hobby that sticks...maybe not, but at this point his enthusiasm is quite promising.

“An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox.”
-Francois Truffaut

(Any activity he chooses to passionately pursue in life is fine with me, whatever makes him happy will make me happy as well. However, the fact that at this point in his life he's chose acting as a hobby? SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!)

This is why I do what I do.

2010-05-29T08:55:00.002-05:00

As a 3rd grader, he entered my classroom an awkward, overweight, neglected boy wearing dirty, poorly-fitting clothes and a pair of red rubber boots...and no socks. Once he took one of the boots off to scratch his ankle and there was MOLD growing on his foot. We got him to the school nurse to clean off the mold and she gave him some socks and pair of tennis shoes. He was obviously very bright, but he also had obviously never been told the word "no" before. We put a lot of effort into him, recognizing potential that his parents either hadn't seen or didn't know how to nurture. He made progress, slowly but surely, and we began to see results.

Then his mother died. And it all fell apart. His father took him in and, with the help of his grandmother, they helped him start to put the pieces back together. By the time he started 4th grade, he was ready to make a few steps into the real world. With the help of 2 very supportive, very patient regular education teachers, he spent spelling, science and social studies with them. And he did well, so well, in fact, that for 5th grade the decision was made to send him back to his home district to attend school full time with his "normal" peers. We heard very little from or about him that year, but no news is usually good news in my line of work, and what little we did hear about him was encouraging. "He's going to make it," we told ourselves and each other.

However, middle school is another planet for even the most self-confident, well-prepared student and he was neither of those things. We got the call in late September of that year..."He's failing most of his classes, due to a lack of organizational skills. Passing periods and P.E. are nightmares, he doesn't know how to read social cues and he's being bullied. He's become physically aggressive. Dad isn't always reachable and seems to be reinforcing the behavior in some ways. Bottom line, he needs to be back in the behavior disorder program." Sigh...I had recently been "bumped up" to the middle school program, which meant he landed back in my lap.

6th grade was difficult for him, and for us. It seemed like he'd slid so far backwards that we were never going to get him back to where he'd been before. And the previous school had been right, his dad had become "unreachable" to a degree. Dad had discovered online dating and was making that more of a priority than his son, more than a job, more than anything. Grandma stepped in again, and thank goodness she did. They moved in with her, she got the boy on track again. We started making progress again, more slowly than last time, but surely again and that was ok with us. We started him back in a couple of regular classes with teachers we knew would be able to handle his peculiar ways. It was an uphill climb to be sure, but we got through the 6th grade and started planning for 7th.

Then his dad died. Sigh...just how much trauma was this child expected to go through? Exactly how many chips did he need to have stacked against him? Fortunately, Grandma was there to pick up the pieces and the boy's uncle moved in with them to help out. As he made his way through middle school the chasm between him and and his "normal" peers widened and there were days where it threatened to swallow him up. He clearly didn't understand the idea of "they're laughing AT you, not with you," and became a bit of a class clown. He clearly didn't understand that those "secret admirer" notes were written as a joke. He clearly didn't know how the navigate the landscape of adolescence and living with an elderly woman and socially awkward uncle weren't doing him any favors. He was still overweight and he didn't care about personal hygiene. Socially, 7th and 8th grade were very, very difficult for him.

Academically, however, he shone like a bright star. In 8th grade he spent much of his day in regular education classes and his teachers LOVED him. He did his homework, he made up his own extra credit, he stayed pretty organized, he participated well in class discussions, he performed head and shoulders above the rest on tests. Sometimes the other teachers didn't understand why we were still so tough on him, so strict about behaviors that they didn't see as that big of a deal. What they didn't understand was giving him an inch meant he ran 10 miles with it, that a small slip-up for a "normal" kid could turn into a major incident for him. Grandma was in failing health, Uncle worked a job that kept him on the road for days at at time, this boy needed to learn how to navigate through life in a socially acceptable way and he needed to learn it fast. High school was looming large in his very near future and there wouldn't be the same supports available for him. We felt very personally invested in his success...and his failures. Failure was not an option. The social worker and I put together an intensive behavior management plan for his high school case manager, someone we'd worked with before and had a lot of confidence in, and crossed our fingers that it would ease his transition.

He found my aide and me after 8th grade graduation and, with tears streaming down his face, he thanked us for "being such good teachers" and told us how much he was going to miss us. I gave him one last pep talk about high school and told him that the next time he'd see me would be his high school graduation. I promised him I'd attend.

Over the last 4 years, I heard updates about him here and there. He aced freshman English, receiving 104 points (out of 100!) on a quarter-long Shakespeare project from a teacher who was very ANTI special ed. kids being mainstreamed into her class. He received an in-school suspension his sophomore year for getting into a fight with a very popular jock who'd been making fun of one of his friends. Passing periods, the locker room and the unsupervised lunch were still difficult for him. He still didn't read others' social cues accurately and he was still awkward and overweight. He did finally step it up on the personal hygiene and the strict dress code kept his clothing from being an issue. Last I'd heard about him, one of my colleagues at the middle school saw him working at the local Wal-Mart and said he'd spoken briefly with him. He was happy, doing well and he'd gotten really tall.

Tuesday night I honored my promise to see that strange, awkward 3rd grade boy graduate from high school and, to my great surprise, he did so with honors in the top 15% of his class. After the ceremony the social worker and I found him and congratulated him with hugs and praise. He had a hard time speaking, he was so shocked to see us there. The expression on his face was enough to send us both into tears, but they were some of the happiest tears either of us have ever shed. His grandmother and uncle made their way over to us and he promptly handed his tassel to his uncle and his diploma to his grandma, telling them they'd worked as hard for those things as he had. It was a beautiful thing to watch. He's headed to the local junior college in the fall. He doesn't know what he wants to do yet because he's "just so interested in so many different things!" We had our picture taken with him and I plan to print a copy to keep in my desk at work for those days when I consider leaving my teaching job for a nice, quiet career as a Wal-Mart greeter.

Too often I find out that my former students have dropped out of school, been arrested for a variety of crimes, been to rehab, become teen parents. Too often I wonder what I did that caused them to fail, what I could have done differently to help them succeed. Too often I feel such an overwhelming sense of futility in my job. Tuesday night, I got to feel just the opposite.

Thank you, Former Student, for reaffirming for me why I do what I do. The next time you see me will be at your college graduation!

One for one. Is that really so hard?

2010-05-21T17:26:00.002-05:00

I bought my own Mother's Day gift this year. I bought myself a pair of Toms shoes, specifically, THESE shoes. Cute, huh? Well, you might not think so. The simple, canvas slip-on shoe doesn't appeal to everyone. I like them. They're comfortable, they look cute with jeans and I can even pair them with capri pants or a casual skirt for work. I had a hard time deciding which ones to get, and, of course, now I want another pair because they didn't have THESE when I was shopping for mine!

Oh well. Another gift for myself for another time. The variety of colors and designs isn't the reason I wanted a pair of Toms. I really, really, really love this guy's cause and I wanted to support it. Are you familiar with the brand's philosophy? Here it is...

One for One

TOMS Shoes was founded on a simple premise: With every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. One for One. Using the purchasing power of individuals to benefit the greater good is what we're all about. The TOMS One for One business model transforms our customers into benefactors, which allows us to grow a truly sustainable business rather than depending on fundraising for support.

Why shoes?

Many children in developing countries grow up barefoot. Whether at play, doing chores or going to school, these children are at risk:

•A leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted diseases, which can penetrate the skin through bare feet. Wearing shoes can help prevent these diseases, and the long-term physical and cognitive harm they cause.

•Wearing shoes also prevents feet from getting cuts and sores. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected.

•Many times children can't attend school barefoot because shoes are a required part of their uniform. If they don't have shoes, they don't go to school. If they don't receive an education, they don't have the opportunity to realize their potential.

How flippin' awesome is that? Working with kids from low-to-no income families, I see on a daily basis kids wearing shoes with holes in them, shoes that are falling apart, shoes that are obviously too small because the kid is wearing them like clogs, they pinch his/her feet so badly. Our school nurse keeps an arsenal of gently-used or donated-new shoes on hand for kids in need. I've had students who have gotten a new pair of shoes for their birthday, and that's all. I've had students who are on the "list" for new shoes purchased by a local charity. I've had students who've had to wait until a parent's disability check/settlement check/paycheck came in to get new shoes. And these shoes end up being that kid's ONLY pair for months and months and months.

My boys don't have tons of shoes. Just guessing, I'd say they each have maybe 3 pairs that fit them at any given time. As parents, we know that a quality pair of kids' shoes can be expensive. We also know that it doesn't take too long for a kid to wear out their shoes, not by being careless, but by being a kid. Kids run and play and climb and fall and GROW! And shoes are one of those clothing items that just doesn't hand-down well, because of all the wear and tear on them. I have 3 shelves of hand-me-down shirts, pants and pajamas in Little M.'s closet, great clothes barely worn by his brother. Shoes? Not so much...a couple of pairs of snow boots, a pair of sandals that Big M. never really liked, a pair of high-top Converse All-Stars that I kept in mint condition specifically so both my boys could wear them. Pretty much everyone needs new-to-them shoes.

When I bought my shoes, there was an option to link on Facebook that I had just purchased new shoes for myself and a child in need. I did it because I figured it would be a good way to get the word out to some people that may not have known about Toms. My dad commented on the link, "What a great idea! Everyone should own at least one pair of these. How come all shoe companies don't do this?"

Good question, Dad! Don't tell me that Nike or New Balance or Skechers or Naturalizer or Converse or even Manolo Blahnik don't have enough money to donate a pair of shoes to someone in need every time a pair of their shoes is purchased. And it doesn't have to come with the fanfare of the Toms "shoe drops", nor does it have to be in a developing country. Right here in our nation, kids and adults need shoes. I can't imagine that it would be too difficult for a major shoe company to figure out a way to donate a pair for every pair sold. Not only is it charitable, it's a fantastic PR move. Remember when Nike was going through all that child labor/sweat shot crap in the '90's? Something like that could be forgotten in hearthbeat with a charitable contribution like this.

Ok, I'm starting to ramble now. Can't help it, I just can't say enough about how wonderful I think the Toms company is. If you like the shoes, go buy yourself (and someone else!) a pair. If you don't like the shoes, maybe you know someone who does, they'd make a great gift. They also sell t-shirts, the purchase of which sends a pair of shoes to a kid in need. It's a win/win, people. What are you waiting for? Quit reading my blog and go buy yourself some shoes!!!

Sorry, Little M., Mom's a bit behind these days...

2010-05-15T12:18:00.009-05:00

My sweet and sour Little M. turned 5 on Tuesday. That boy has been lighting up my life for a whole 5 years now! We celebrated in typical 5 year old fashion...

Saturday- Chuck E. Cheese
Sunday- Party with family at my parents' house, opening many gifts, chocolate cake with chocolate frosting
Tuesday- Ice cream cups at preschool, cupcakes at day-care, Taco Bell for dinner and more gift-opening
Thursday- Mr. EM's dad visited (first time he's ever met Little M., another post for another day) and the last of the gift-opening

A photographic essay of the events...

Chuck E. Cheese, the place we swore we wouldn't return to until they had a wine bar and a morphine drip on the menu. They still don't have those things, but we went back anyway. Sigh.

And it was worth it, look at that happy face! It wasn't too bad, actually. Not very crowded and no parties going on yet. We were in and out in two hours!

Spiderman shirt, pants, socks and, though you can't see them, underwear. He received a Spiderman puzzle and beach towel in a Spiderman gift bag. To say that Little M. likes Spiderman would be a gross understatement.

I'm not one of those moms that goes out a buys a cake for her kids' birthdays. I'm perfectly capable of making a cake, thankyouverymuch! He said he wanted a Spiderman cake, chocolate with chocolate frosting. That's what he got...the Spiderman is from the top of a Play-doh canister. Works for me! (And for him too, luckily!)

This was, by far, his favorite gift! He'd been asking for it for months. It's a very, very loud game. Did you know that? It is.

For never spending time with either of our boys, Mr. EM's dad really comes through with gifts they both love. He seems to have an innate ability to buy great gifts for boys...like this balloon launcher. They played outside for hours with this thing. Please don't tell our neighbor lady that our boys are the reason she has several balloons stuck in her landscaping. We've since decided that a nearby open field would be the best place to play with this toy from now on.

Happy birthday, Little M.! You've been my biggest challenge and my biggest reward from the moment you were conceived. Watching you grow up into the sweet and saucy boy that you are is a joy and I'm thankful every day that I get to be your mom. I hope you have a great year!

What do you make of this, gentle readers?

2010-05-11T19:06:00.002-05:00

Big M. is not a perfect kid. I've chronicled various challenges he's presented to us on this blog and in conversations with my friends. Mr. EM and I have had countless conversations regarding the best way to deal with his behavior. Sometimes we have moments of brilliance and behaviors are either extinguished entirely or diminished to a tolerable level. Sometimes we have moments of idiocy and behaviors get worse. It's the plight of any parent...how do we raise this child into a healthy, happy functional adult?

All that said, Big M. is also not a demon-child. Like pretty much any kid, he has his good days and his bad days...or hours...or minutes. He can go weeks without a single behavior issue, and then out of nowhere he can turn on us and become the Worst. Child. Ever. He's very smart, very sensitive and very much the oldest-child-who-was-an-only-child-for-five-years-and-therefore-the-world-revolves-around-him...not your best personality cocktail. As he's gotten older and more accustomed to being a sibling, the selfish behaviors have started to recede, which is a good thing. These behaviors are now being replaced with a pre-adolescent, snot-nosed, know-it-all attitude, which is not a good thing. But we're muddling through it and it's not horrible. He behaves appropriately, we praise him. He acts like a brat, he has consequences. It works pretty well most of the time.

But, here's the thing...something has come up that we've had to tackle recently and we're not sure we handled it appropriately.

Last Friday, Big M. was invited to spend the night at a friend's house. This is a boy he's been friends with since first grade. They've spent quite a bit of time together outside of school at our house and his house. This boy's parents are divorced and his mom remarried last year. We know his mom about as well as you get to know your kids' friends when they weren't your friends first...do you get what I mean? We don't socialize with her outside of the kids spending time together, but we know her enough to feel that we can trust our kid being in her care. We've met her new husband and he seems nice enough, but I'd say we know him less than we know her. So, anyway, Big M. goes over there last Friday night and I let them know that I will pick him up around 11:30 the next morning.

11:30ish Saturday morning, I pulled into their driveway and knocked on the door. There was only one car in the garage and the step-dad answered the door. He said hello to me, called to Big M., then stepped outside to speak to me. He said that he wasn't very happy with Big M. at the moment. This concerned me because not once EVER have we gotten a bad report on Big M.'s behavior for as long as he's been socializing with friends away from our watchful eyes. I asked what the problem was and he told me that the boys had been playing outside and he told them it was time to go in so he could pack his things and be ready for when I picked Big M. up. He said that Big M. repeatedly asked him if they could just stay outside a little longer and got argumentative with him about it. Then he said, "I don't allow these kids to speak that way around here and I'm not going to tolerate it from other people's kids either. As of right now, he's not welcome here any more."

Well, damn. Color me embarrassed and pissed and floored that my kid would behave like that as a guest in someone's home. I apologized to him, let him know that we don't allow that behavior in our home either and that Big M. will have a consequence once I get him home. He seemed satisfied with that and then out came Big M. I had him apologize and told him, "You're in some trouble, kid," as we walked to the car.

And he promptly burst into tears. Sigh.

So, on the way home, he wailed, "I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!", which is pretty typical for him when he gets caught doing something he shouldn't be doing. I asked him why his friend's stepdad would tell me he's not welcome at their house any more if he "didn't even do anything", and he didn't really have an answer for that. I explained to him how incredibly embarrassing it is to have another parent tell me how awful my kid behaved in their care and that it's hard for me to believe his innocence when we have had issues very similar to that one plenty of times in our own home. I was trying VERY hard to keep my cool, partly because Little M. was sitting in the backseat and partly because...well, I'm the mom and it's important that I control my temper. But I've got to admit, it was difficult. I was mortified beyond belief that he'd act that way at a friend's house, plus we've never gotten anything but glowing reports on his behavior at friends' houses, so I was trying to wrap my head around what possessed him to act that way.

Once we got home, I sent him into his room, sat Little M. in front of a movie and sat down with Mr. EM to discuss this. And here's where the story gets weirder...usually, Mr. EM is ready to jump down the kids' throats about every little thing and I'm the one trying to soften the blow. But on this occasion, as I sit fuming over my kid's obnoxious behavior, Mr. EM is sitting back and saying things like, "I don't know. This just doesn't sound like him at all." And that gets me thinking...

"He's not welcome here any more"? Doesn't that seem a bit harsh? These are 10 year old kids. Don't get me wrong, I will not abide by my kids being disrespectful, but Big M. doesn't tend to argue in a disrespectful manner. He's more of a "needler", if you get my drift. "Why not? Just a little while longer? Please? But why not? Come on! Please? But I don't see what the big deal is. Just a little while longer? Please?" He's not yet at the "OH MY GOD! THIS IS SO STUPID!" point yet. His incessant questioning can certainly grate on one's nerves, but banning him from coming over any more? I'm just not sure about that.

And maybe this guy has a short fuse. He lives with his new wife, her three kids who range in age from 10 to 15 and his teen-aged daughter. Maybe he was in a bad mood? Maybe he wasn't feeling well? Maybe he'd had his fill of them already that morning? I don't know. And part of me wanted to call him and ask for more details, but part of me felt like it wasn't really my place to determine what was tolerable behavior in his home.

Basically, with what little information we had, Mr. EM and I felt like we were caught between a rock and a hard place. We called Big M. out of his room and asked him to give us his side of the story and this is what we got...

"We were playing outside while he was planting some flowers in the backyard. He said I should go in a pack my things because it was almost 11:30, so I did and Friend came in with me. After I packed my stuff, we went back out and he started yelling at us, wanting to know why we were outside. So, I asked him if we could play outside until you got there and he yelled at us to get back inside, he didn't need us arguing with him and he grounded Friend and said that I couldn't come over any more."

We decided to dig a little deeper, saying that if that's all that really happened, then maybe he'd been acting up the night before and this man had just finally reached his breaking point in regards to Big M.'s behavior. Big M. said that they hadn't even seen him the night before. They'd only been around him that morning and he'd been joking around with them at breakfast. Then he tells us that Friend said his stepdad "gets like that" sometimes. "He makes up rules, but doesn't tell you about them and when you break them you get in trouble, but you didn't even know you did anything wrong."

Sigh. Well, that certainly clears everything up, doesn't it?! Geez. Mr. EM and I felt really conflicted. Big M. can be argumentative and has a tendency to question-question-question when he doesn't get an answer he's happy with. At the same time, things aren't adding up as far as why this man felt like his behavior was SO bad that he had to ban him from coming over. And then there's the fact that this is the first time we've had to deal with this situation. Big M.'s school behavior is excellent. His grandparents never complain about him when he stays with them. Baby-sitters never have anything bad to say and friends' parents always comment on how good he is when he's in their homes. Have people been lying to us all along? I find that somewhat hard to believe...The grandparents? Maybe, because grandparents have a way of overlooking things due to how wonderful they think their grandchildren are. The baby-sitters? We're paying them, so, maybe. But school? I hardly think so. Other friends' parents, including this man's wife? I honestly don't know. Would we tell a parent if their kid pissed us off while playing at our house? Well, I guess that depends on the level of behavior. If they were physically aggressive, yes, we would. If they were what we considered extremely disrespectful...swearing at us, putting us down, openly defying clear-cut house rules...yes, we would. But anything less than that? I just don't know. Kids are kids, they try adults' patience, they want what they want and don't like to hear the word "no". I just don't know if I'd think Big M.'s behavior was worth banning him from coming over in the future.

But we weren't there. We don't know exactly what went down. Maybe it was. We have one side of the story told from the point of view of a man we admittedly don't know very well. We have the other side told from the point of view of a ten-year-old boy. There are holes in this story big enough to drive a truck through. And since we'd already ruled out questioning this guy further, at the risk of becoming "those parents"...the kind I can't stand because they think their kids never do anything wrong, we were left to our own devices as to how to proceed.

So, here's what we did...we chose to turn this incident into a learning experience. Big M. has gotten mouthier over the last few months and we're not happy about that. We talked to him about reputations and respecting adults and the rules of other families. We told him that based on the behavior we've experienced from him in the past, we weren't entirely convinced of his innocence in this situation. We told him that he needed to spend some time showing us that he knew how to be respectful to the people around him, so we grounded him from playing with friends in the neighborhood from Sunday through Wednesday. He was upset, but he took it pretty well.

Too harsh? Too lenient? Just right? Either way, we're following through with it. I'm just curious...what would y'all have done?

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T19:22:00.001-05:00

Crappy day at work = the need to focus on something positive

2010-04-22T16:43:00.001-05:00

Politely “stolen” from Grumpy Granny:

My favorite moment of the day is …
… Right after I've kissed both boys goodnight and tucked them safely into bed. I love my kids, but that sigh of relief after getting through another day is divine.

If I could say one thing to myself 20 years ago . . .
… Loosen up in college, have fun with the guys but quit searching so diligently for The One. He's out there, I promise, and when you meet him you'll know.

The lesson I keep learning over and over . . .
… Take a deep breath and THEN react.

What scares me most is . . .
… Losing one of my children, be it to a stranger or a cult or a disease or a drug. Whatever, scares the living shit out of me.

No one knows I . . .
… Honestly, I can't think of anything for this one. I'm a pretty open book, at least around the people I'm closest to. Secrets can be really damaging to all relationships.

Unhealthiest meal . . .
… Too much pizza, happens more frequently than it should. Might even happen tonight.

Personal philosophy . . .
… I have a few- Be green. No regrets. Just breathe. Love one another. Harm none.

I feel healthy when I . . .
… get in a good exercise routine. Therefore, I'm not feeling too healthy right now because I strayed from my routine during the play and have not reclaimed it yet.

I unwind by . . .
… Reading a good book, watching some good TV (Glee, Parenthood and Weeds right now), blowing bubbles with my boys, and getting it on with Mr. EM! ;)

Proudest moment of my career . . .
… Those rare occasions when I really SEE the results of what I've done for a student. Once I had one come to visit and tell me that my guidance was a turning point for him. Another wrote me a note from Navy boot camp telling me I was the reason he was there. Many of my students are doomed to a difficult life long before they reach me, so it does me good to see or hear about the ones that succeed.

My father always told me . . .
… It's better to have what you don't need than to need what you don't have. Not sure if I totally agree with that philosophy though. It sucks when you need what you don't have, but I can't really get behind the idea of having what you don't need. Isn't that what got this country into such a financial mess in the first place?!

My mother was right about . . .
… Standing by your friends when they ditch you for a guy who is not worthy of their attention. Eventually they're going to get kicked in the teeth enough times that they'll leave him and that's when they need a good friend the most.

My mother was wrong about . . .
… Mr. EM. She didn't like anything about him. Didn't like the way he looked or dressed. Didn't like that he worked a blue collar job. Didn't like how serious we got so quickly into our relationship. If I'd listened to her then, I would have missed out on the true love of my life...and I know she realizes that now, too.

The movie I watch when I want to laugh is . . .
… High Fidelity, Clerks, or, when my kids are home, The Spongebob Square Pants Movie

I always feel saner when I . . .
… practice yoga regularly and get a full night's sleep.

Home means . .
… being where I am loved for who I am and giving love in return.

Whole living means . . .
… not sweating the small stuff, and most of it really is small stuff, and making family the #1 priority over everything else. As important as a career may be, it's never more important than your children and significant other.

*Sigh* I feel better already!

My brother is such an idiot.

2010-04-05T08:47:00.002-05:00

Last summer I wrote this post about my brother's girlfriend, the one he seemed to be getting pretty serious about, the one he alluded to potentially someday thinking about maybe marrying.

And it seemed that he was sticking with that plan. They weathered the storm of living on separate continents and in December she moved to Los Angeles to attend a jewelry school, so they only had 2 hours of highway between them instead of the Pacific Ocean.

When he told me about her impending move last fall, I asked how he felt about that. (Seemed pretty obvious to me that her attending school in the same state where he lived was no accident...duh.) He said he was looking forward to it because the long distance thing was getting "old". As December loomed closer, she contacted me on Facebook to say that she was looking forward to seeing all of us at Christmas.

Then a mutual Facebook friend of mine and my brother's contacted me right before Christmas to get my "take" on her impending move. This person is much closer to my brother than me and apparently has been his confidant over the years, particularly in regards to his love life. This person is quite a bit older than him, happily married and only wants my brother to be happy...I really believe that. So, I couldn't help but feel concerned when this person contacted me, saying that the girlfriend's move to California was maybe not a good thing, that my brother had expressed some misgivings about it and that she hoped he didn't make any "life-changing" decisions that he may someday regret. Then she asked for my take on the girlfriend...did I like her? How did I perceive my brother's attitude towards her? Did I think there would be an engagement ring in her stocking this Christmas?

Well, now...for crying out loud...what the hell am I supposed to do with this information?! I gave her my opinion of the girlfriend, said they both seemed happy when they were together and that I had no idea what he was getting her for Christmas. (Of course I hope he takes me ring shopping with him whenever he finally gets around to it, but I have no control over that, do I? Damn.) Then I asked her to elaborate a bit on her concerns, and then I fell privy to information that I wish I didn't have now.

Apparently my brother's feelings towards his girlfriend have waned some...he still likes her just fine and enjoys spending time with her, but he's not really enthusiastic about the relationship any more. He just has a gut feeling that she is not "the One" and he was feeling pretty nervous about her moving so close to him. He knew how significant this move was to their relationship and he was feeling some pressure for things to suddenly feel "perfect", which he didn't think it was. They'd already broken up and gotten back together twice and the last time they got back together he "promised" her he wouldn't hurt her any more.

(Proof #1 that he's an idiot...one cannot "promise" that one will not hurt another, as one has no control over another's emotions. I'm sure he had the best of intentions when he said that, but he dug his own grave right then and there.)

So, basically, he's no longer happy in the relationship, or at least no longer as happy as he once was, but he's too chickeshit to break up because he doesn't want to be the "bad guy" and go back on an immature high school "promise" that he made to her, more than likely in the heat of passion. Lovely...

And then this person tells me that he often talks about how badly he wants to settle down with someone and start a family. Being in the military makes it difficult to lay down roots and he knows what a great person the girlfriend is, so maybe it's time to take that plunge, even if he's not 100% certain about it.

So, wonderful...now, not only is he staying in a relationship with someone he's no longer totally invested in, he's considering marrying this person just to get it over with? Well, this really didn't sound like my permanent bachelor brother at all and I started to inwardly questions the validity of this person's statements. I remembered some times over the years when this person stuck her nose in other people's business and caused unneccesary complications. I started thinking that maybe she was blowing things out of proportion. And then she told me she thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to him about this, but not in a way that would give away that she'd contacted me because she didn't want to betray his trust or ruin their friendship. Hmmm.

Well, here's the thing...my brother and I are close and we have talked about his relationships over the years, but ONLY at his initiation. I've never really been one to insist he disclose information he wasn't comfortable sharing and it would really be strange to him if I started doing that now. As much as I love my brother and I like his girlfriend, they are both adults and they need to deal with the consequences of their actions. No one told her she HAD to move to California to go to school. No one told him he HAD to stay in a relationship that didn't thrill him. I hate the idea of either of them getting hurt, but that's life and that's love. Nope...Earth Muffin was steering clear of this land mine and keeping her mouth shut, thankyouverymuch!

So, Christmas came and went. The girlfriend received a beautiful watch as a gift from my brother and all seemed fine between them. It was a little strange being around them knowing what I knew, but I wasn't going to get in the middle of it. They returned to California in time for New Year's Eve and that was that. In the time since then, however, my brother has been pretty tight-lipped about how things are between them. In emails, texts and Facebook postings, I've asked how she's doing and I get no reply. He'll answer any and all questions...except those that pertain to her. I know that they are still together, but that's about it.

And then my cousin got married in Florida last weekend. The Earth Muffin clan was not able to attend the festivities, but much of my mom's side of the family did and promptly posted pictures of the fun-filled weekend on Facebook. Oh, look...there's the bride and groom! Oh, look...there's my mom and her siblings! Oh, look...there's my drunk cousins striking an amusing pose! Oh, look...there's my brother with his arm around some woman I've never seen before, one of the bridesmaids, and...wait...are their fingers interlaced?...wait...is she kissing him on the cheek in that one?...um, wait...what?! There were at least 3 suspicious-looking pictures along those lines and, being a nosy older sister, I got in touch with one of my cousins via email to get the scoop.

That woman is the groom's MARRIED sister. After a couple of hours at the reception her husband took their 2 sons back to the hotel, while she stuck around and put a good buzz on, then started throwing herself at my brother, who did not exactly ward off her advances. They never snuck off alone together, but they did "make out a little" at the reception, with little regard to the cameras flashing. Classy, no?

I emailed him with the following statement: "Drunken make-out with the groom's married sister? Classy."

He replied: "1. I was attacked. I initiated nothing. 2. Shut up. 3. You're being awfully judgmental for someone supposedly so liberal. And how did you hear about that? I need to keep that on the DL."

Sigh.

(Proof #2 that he's an idiot...or maybe an asshole, I haven't decided which yet...fooling around with a married woman at a wedding reception loaded with his camera-wielding Facebook friends.)

I replied that I wouldn't reveal my source, but that there are some pretty "telling" pictures posted on Facebook that he's tagged in so if he's trying to keep it on the "DL", he should probably get those off his page, pronto. And that was that. Haven't heard from him since.

Mr. EM and I were talking about it and we agree that his commitment phobia has reared it's ugly head again. I hardly think he set out for my cousin's wedding with the intention of doing something stupid to get rid of his girlfriend. However, isn't that the way commitment-phobes operate? They do things to sabotage their relationships, so they can avoid the awkward and sometimes painful "it's not you, it's me" conversations. They do things to make their significant others break up with them, so they don't have to face that person and say, "I'm just not happy with this relationship and even though you're great, I can't do this any more."

I don't want my brother stay with someone just so he has someone. I want him to find someone that makes him happy. I want him to choose to get married because his life is better with that person in it. And if marriage isn't for him, so be it. I want him to be happy. However, I also want him to GROW THE F&*K UP and face his relationship issues like the adult his claims to be, for crying out loud. Geez...his behavior last weekend was so "spring break" it makes me sick.

We really did learn everything we needed to know in kindergarten...boys are stupid.